Thursday, December 30, 2010

My Heart's desires

Psalm 37:3-5 (King James Version)

3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.


The above scriptures were shared with me by blogging friend, and they have really made me stop and think.  I am sure I have read them before but I am not sure if I have really ever thought about what these scriptures say.  This is a promise from God.  As such we should take it to heart. 

Think about what it says, "It says to trust the Lord, do good (follow His commandments, live by the scripture), dwell in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit yourself to serving God, and He will make it all happen.  That is probably not exactly right, but that is how I interpret those passages. 

It has made me stop and think a lot about my life.  One of my biggest desires is to make a living by writing.  I want to write a Christian Fiction book, along with several others.  Being a published, successful author has been one of my greatest desires since I was 14.  The other is to operate an animal rescue and shelter and to train dogs for service with people with handicaps and to do all of this while showing others what God can do if you just trust Him.  Aha!  There's the catch!  You have to trust in the Lord.  Trust is such an issue for me.  It all comes from a past where I have been betrayed, but through recovery, I'm hoping to get past that.  I am going to a meeting for a little while tonight, but I am going to start attending on a regular basis, and I am going to start sharing things that God has done for me, us, so that they too can learn to trust in the Lord. 

What are your heart's desires?  Do you Trust in the Lord?  Have you committed Your way to Him? 

I would love to hear your answers, please feel free to leave a comment. 

May God Bless You all for the rest of this year and for the year 2011.  I know He will bless me and mine.

Love, L

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Calmness

Even though I haven't been sleeping well, my whole being is filled with this calmness I can't explain.  My dreams of late have been surreal and I jerk awake in the blink of an eye.  I never have a full scene in my dream.  Some how though I know that God is about to reveal something to me, us, my family something.  It is this very uncanny feeling I have that something is about to happen, not bad, something good. 

God is working and moving in our lives.  He does provide even when we don't realize it to start.  My work week or weeks will be short by 1.5 to 2 hours this pay period because of Christmas Eve and the office or church being closed.  To show that God does provide, I received an order for dog treats yesterday and it will be double the amount I would make for those 2 hours. 

Deep in my heart, I know that the move we are planning is the right thing to do.  Norman can work on the ranch or work off the ranch, whatever he prefers.  I will work on the ranch and go to school.  It is out in the country.  We will have room for Sioux to run and if I want a couple of beagles, I will be able to do that as well.  God is providing for everything except our personal bills.  There won't be housing or utility costs and we don't have to leave the place if that is our desire.

I know that God is guiding us.  Yesterday while I was cleaning, I saw the bible verse, "Be still and know that I am God."  I know without a doubt it is Him talking to me.  Don't get me wrong we are a little scared about moving, but staying here, in East Texas we will continue to struggle to survive and make a living. 

I picked up my journal this morning for the first time in 14 days.  I thought about that, and I guess it is because I am at peace and don't need to write my feelings down.  I've been praying, actually I'm not sure I ever totally stop.  I talk to God off and on all day.  He has done wonders in my life, our life, and it just keeps getting better. 

Do you have a relationship with God?  If not, do you need to know how to get one?  If you are a child of God, you should have a relationship with Him.  I'm not talking about going to church and filling a pew.  I'm talking about believing in Jesus, that He died for our sins, and rose again, and that He sits on the right hand of the Father.  I'm talking about believing that He was born of a virgin.  He is the son of God.  He is the word made man.  You have to study His word, believe what He tells us, and pray.  He will take care of your needs. 

May you all know God personally.  May you all have a God Filled Day!  May You receive blessings upon blessings!

Merry Christmas!

Love, L

Monday, December 20, 2010

While I Clean The Church

Most of the days that I clean at the church I wear my ipod and listen to music.  I have to admit when I first started cleaning, I mostly had country and some rock on there, but now it is a big mixture.  I have an Eric Clapton song, a bunch of country, some Robert Palmer and a lot of Christian music.  I don't see anything wrong with the music I listen to while I am cleaning.  There's nothing about getting drunk or doing anything illegal.  Most of the country and western is about the love of your life, and how you feel about each other.  Some of the other songs are about living in the country and just enjoying life. 

I sing out loud while I am cleaning.  If someone comes in, I stop singing and just listening.  When I'm cleaning it is my time to reflect on my life, on God, and what changes are coming in the future.  I find myself thinking and talking to God a lot while I am cleaning.  Sometimes, I will pause the music and forget and I just like to feel the peace and serenity that fills the auditorium or some of the other buildings. 

However, there is one of the buildings that is kind of creepy, well maybe not creepy, but it makes a lot of noises while I am in there cleaning.  It is the very old Sunday school building.  Today, I kept hearing the door chime from the alarm go off like someone was coming in and out, but the door never opened or closed.  Anyway, it is probably just my mind playing games with me. 

But it is usually very relaxing while I am working.  I know I will miss the church when I find a full time job, but I'm sure they will find someone to take my place if they need it filled.  I love the people at church and all though I don't quite feel the same thing I did a few months ago, I know that God is there.  Some Sundays and other days, His presence is much more noticeable than other times, but He is always with me where ever I go. 

Remember this is the season of our Savior's birth.  Rejoice and don't be afraid to wish everyone you meet a Merry Christmas!  Jesus loves you!  He will never forsake you, no matter what you do.  You can Trust the Lord with all things!  He will provide all that you need!

God Bless You all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Love, L

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Be Ready Before You Ask

God listens to our pleas, prayers, and cries and you should never doubt that..never.  Sometimes when we pray I'm not sure we always really mean what we say.  Sometimes people pray what my mom and dad called, "Canned prayers."    You know it is the same prayer that they say every day, every week.  Those are canned prayers.  Kind of like when you are a kid and you are taught to say grace or the blessing of the food at the dinner table.  "Fold my hands, bow my head, Thank you Lord for this good bread, Amen."  or "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." 

Something you are not really taught to do in church as you grow and attend is how to pray.  As an adult I sometime still struggle with prayer.  A friend told me this, "It's just having a conversation with Jesus."  That is true, and so that is what I do now.  For a month or so, I have been praying for God to give us direction, and I think He is answering that prayer.  It's just like the prayer I do, when I ask the Lord to do in me anything He needs to do, in order for Him to do everything He wants to do through me.  I thought about that a long time, before I prayed that on a daily basis.  Why?  Because I wasn't really sure I was ready.  If you ask God to do something in your life, make sure you are ready to accept the assignment that you are asking for, when you ask. 

I've been married for almost five years, but before I met my husband, I felt called to work in missions.  I even attend Criswell College in Dallas for one semester so I could learn more about the bible.  Things happened and I kind of stepped away.  I still feel that God is calling me to do something for Him, and I am gladly willing and ready to accept.  Since I've been married, I've wondered how my husband would feel if I were called by God to work in some mission for Him.  Now I'm not talking about missions in the foreign field.  I'm talking about missions here in the United States.  We have much that needs to be done here in the United States without having to leave the country to help people to Christ. 

A friend of mine that is married to a preacher, said this, "If God calls you to do work for Him, He will make sure both of you are ready before He calls one of you."  I took that to heart and I know that is true.  God is truly at work in our lives, and we are having to learn to trust Him.

Early this week, I had an ongoing conversation with God on one side in my head and Satan on the other side in my head.  God won and always will.  I was seriously starting to doubt my Faith in God.  Why? 

Well first I got sick around the middle of October and was still quite sick until just before Thanksgiving.  Norman got sick about the week before I started getting well.  He is still fighting it, but is much, much better.  We have not had much money and he has had one or two little jobs since the end of October.  I had to seek help from the Methodist Church here in Emory to help us pay our electric and they agreed to pay half of it.  However, the payment got there the same day as the disconnect.  So we were without power for 4 hours or so.  I have applied for numerous jobs and have not received one interview call.  Norman does have a job to start on Tuesday, but not sure how big, how long,  I am still working at the church about 18 hours for two weeks, and I was writing for two people.  One of my writing gigs ended on Friday due to her hand being broken and she won't open back up until after the first of the year.  So what do we do?  I am praying and still looking for a job. 

This is what I know.  God is going to provide for us and we will be moving in the fall of next year or late summer.  How we survive between now and then will be by trusting in God to provide for all our needs and that is all we ask for.  I will continue to work at the church and do whatever else I can find to do.    God has answered my prayer for directions in that I will be able to work for my sister at www.rememberwhenranch.com  teaching, and working on the ranch.  My husband has a job there too, if he wants it. 

God does hear us, and He does answer us.  So make sure you are ready, and stop praying canned prayers.  Be sincere in your heart, and tell Jesus how you feel, who you are worried about and Thank Him for everything in your life.  It is there because of Jesus. 

God Bless You all. 

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Making Amends: A Step to my Recovery

I haven't written about my journey through recovery for awhile because I'm sort of at a stand still.  I'm at the portion of recovery for making amends, seeking forgiveness and forgiving.  I'm not sure I can take this step.  Yesterday as a matter of fact, if I'd had any Jack Daniels in the house, I probably would have had a drink.  Sad thing is I'm so close to completing a year of being alcohol free, I would have kicked myself a thousand times afterwards and been angry. 

So I've been thinking about this step a lot.  There are some people who will take my apology, or what I'm seeking amends for and be the type of person to smile, say that's okay, or I love you and there is nothing to forgive, or I'm sorry.  However, there are some people who will not, and even though I will have done my part, and the next part is their responsibility or what they will be accountable for, it scares me to death to take that step.  Norman and I have had this conversation, and it is true what he has said and that is that some will not even acknowledge what you are doing or they will think they have done nothing wrong, or they will be vindictive and mean.  I guess that is what scares me the most.  My husband just takes whatever is said and shrugs it off.  I am not made that way and can't just shrug something off. 

I believe in being honest, truthful and have always said, "If you don't really want to know then don't ask me.  I will be honest."  I have tried in the last year to tone the way I reply to people so not to hurt anyone.  It takes a lot for me to do that.  I'm not sure what that says about me as a person.  If I constantly have to watch what I say and how I say it, does that make me a mean person.  I'm not.  I'm very tenderhearted actually. I cry over the stupidest emails especially if animals are involved.  I cry at movies that I shouldn't cry at, and I cry sometimes just because. 

Fear is a tactic of Satan, and I let him win a lot of times.  I will just back away, or avoid a situation, or look away from a person.  I didn't use to be the kind of person that backed down, no matter what.  But I guess I finally got tired of being called mean, rude, crude, abrupt, and angry.  I guess I finally felt defeated because I was trying to do a job, or be what I thought someone wanted me to be. 

I've let remarks go by without saying anything, and have been humiliated.  I have listened to things said by people I trusted and thought were friends only to find out there never really were.  It is the whole trust thing. 
So as I try to figure out how to complete this step, I stress over what will happen.  My sponsor said that God will let me know who and when to make amends to.  That it is in His time that all will come to pass.  I know this, but it still hangs out there looming over me like a great big sign.  "You Have To Finish This". 

I have attended a recovery meeting in about six weeks.  I will go back.  When?  Only God knows that, of that I'm sure. 

Monday, December 6, 2010

Can You Hear?

Its that time of year where you see Christmas lights, Stores decorated for Christmas and you hear Christmas music every where you go.  One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Can You see what I see?"  That must have been a very magical or guess a supernatural thing they night the Star appeared.  The time when Christ's birth was announced and the star directed the wise men and shepherds to Him. 

We don't have a star directing us to Him now.  We have His written word. 

Although none us probably read it, take it in, or devour it like we should, it is there to give us and remind us of His promises.  We can read His word and every place there is a promise, it is not just for Israel, it is for every child of God and for those looking for Jesus. 

There are many times when I stand in worship service and cry during the invitation.  I know that it is God tugging at my heart, convicting me, and calling me to do more.  What more?  I'm not sure, but I know that as long as I keep praying and asking God for His direction, give Him control of my life, that He will continue to provide everything I need.  My faith is tenfold more than it use to be.  My trust is tenfold more than it ever was. 

God does not let people down.  He does not forsake us, and He never leaves us.  We are the ones that turn our backs and walk away.  Why?  Because of something we don't understand.  As a child of God, I am trying to live my life for God, to spread His word, and to show others just who Jesus is, the one true living God.  There is no other!  All the other religions worship gods that are dead.  My God, My Jesus sits on the right hand of the Father. 

Do you know Jesus?  Would you like to know someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter what you have done?  You can.  It is for everyone, not just the chosen people. 

May God Bless You as you read this blog today!  May You have a God Filled Day!  And if you don't know Jesus, I pray that He will send someone to you, to show you how to meet Him.  Your life will be forever changed. 

Love, L

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help

The economy stinks right now and because of the business that my husband is in there are times when he goes for weeks without work because of the weather, and just because it slows down at this time of year.  I work part-time at the church and freelance/ghost write but can't make more than a $100.00 a week so far and that doesn't happen very often. 

There have been times when I didn't know how we were going to pay rent, or utilities or buy groceries because of our money situation.  I've never really had to worry until this past couple of years, because I was always in Corporate America and made good money. 

Well because of the economy, weather and just life, I have had to look for resources for help.  Food stamps is a place to go for help if you need it, but there are sometimes other options.  There are many community outreach centers that offer things like a food bank, or maybe even a church that helps with utilities.  Never think there isn't some way to get help.  Just don't wait until your are about to get your lights disconnected.  My family has stepped in many times over the last year and we couldn't have made it without them. 

Although some churches don't offer this kind of assistance, the United Methodist Church here in town, helps with your utilities.  Thank You God for giving me the courage to call them.  There are other places in town that help as well.  One is called the Good Samaritan.  They have a food bank, and a store where you can buy clothes for very cheap.  I bought a really cute, long blue jean skirt to wear.  But there even have suits for men and women so if you have a job interview, go for it. 

The Texas Department of Health and Human Services does offer assistance, but more so if you have a family or children.  Look around you area and see what kind of assistance is available if you need it.  Start with your church and see what they can recommend.  I really think all churches should help some way especially for their members, but I guess I understand if they don't.

May God Bless You in All You do.