Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Beneath The Cleansing Flood - August 29th, 2010

Spiritual hymns have such hidden wisdom sometimes or maybe it is that as new Christians or new church goers we just don't really understand.  One of my old favorites is Victory in Jesus.  As a new Christian or as a 12 year old, I just didn't really understand the song, but after today (8-29-10) it has a great meaning in my life.  I was plunged beneath the cleansing flood and the feeling of the water washing over me, and the Holy Spirit inside was just more than I will ever be able to put down on paper, so to speak... 

One of my new favorites is Heaven Came Down.  If you don't know the song, look it up or listen to the play list.  I added it and it is being sung by Brad Paisley.  It is wonderful!  Another that holds a special place in my heart is When we All Get to Heaven.  There is no doubt in my mind that I will be in Heaven when I leave this world and journey to the next.  If you have doubts or have never met Jesus, there is no time like the present.  There's a number 1 best seller that will show you all you need to know and about how to have Jesus in your life.  It is called the Holy Bible.  Pick it up and read it from cover to cover.  However, before you start, pray for guidance and wisdom and understanding. 

What?  You don't know how to pray..  It's quite simple.  It's just like talking to your best friend.  You say, "Jesus help me, guide me as I read your holy word.  Give me the wisdom and knowledge to understand your teachings.  In your precious name, Jesus, Amen."  It doesn't get any simpler than that..  May God Bless you in ways beyond your belief... Love, L

Sunday, August 22, 2010

A step in my journey

As I travel down this road called  recovery a lot has been revealed to me.  I find that God is always with me and I can't soak up enough of His word.  I find myself searching scripture and reading everything I can get my hands on to learn as much as possible.  I love that God has so filled my soul and my life.  I feel the joy I had when I was twelve and first accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. 

In the last month, after writing my self inventory, I re-dedicated my life to the Lord.  I give control of my life every day to God and pray that He will use me in His service to do whatever He wants me to do, where ever He wants me to service, however He wants to use me and whenever He wants me to serve.  I received an answer to part of that this last week.  I will be teaching 3 year olds two days a week at the Church's Day school.  I love that I have a chance to impact these young lives.  I know that this is a step in preparing me to do more of the Lord's work.  I don't know what it will be, where it will be, or when it will be, but I know that I am His to use. 

With my re-dedication to Him, I feel so brand new, that I want all of me to be brand new.  Even on days when things my not be the best, the joy I feel deep inside is so fresh and wonderful, that I can't help but have a spring in my step, a song on my lips and my mind, and usually a smile or a grin on my face.   

So this week I told the Pastor that with my journey through recovery, and my re-dedication to my Lord, that I wanted to be baptized again.  He smiled at me and said, "You want to show Him you are serious huh?"  "Yes".  So Next Sunday, August the 29th, I will once again pushed beneath the cleansing flood or so the song says.  I will come up a new person on the outside to match the new person I am on the inside. 

Some of you may not understand this request, but the joy I feel knowing that the Lord is working with me and through me is indescribable!!!!!  I want everyone to see what God has done in my life, and what He is continuing to do on a daily basis.  If I can just help one person, see the mercy and grace of God and lead them to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, then I know that one lost soul has been saved from the depths of hell, and will only know physical death and not eternal death. 

I hope others that read this blog will see that there is help and most of all there is hope out there.  God is there always and He can work miracles, even when you think there is no way.  Trust in Him.  Have Faith and Seek the Face of the Lord.

May you all have a God Filled Life.  I do now and my journey is just beginning.  Love, L

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

God Sees You Through

There is no place you go mentally or physically that God is not with you.  He knows your heart and thoughts before you do.  If you are a child of God, if you have asked Jesus to live in your heart, He never leaves your side.  You cannot lose your salvation.  You may commit sins, but if you are truly a child of God you strive to be as perfect as possible.  If you do commit some sin, humble your heart and  ask God to forgive you of those sins.  ONLY one perfect person has walked this earth and He was crucified. 

The last few months have been kind of rough.  I'm working my way through recovery and I can see a difference every day in my life.  My relationship with God is growing by leaps and bounds.  I'm like a sponge and cannot soak up enough of His word.  My relationship with my husband has always been wonderful, but it is even better, because now I see God working in our lives and bringing us closer to Him, and growing us to do His work.  My relationship with my family has changed as well.  I think the relationship that I thought was broken, isn't and never was, but my perception was skewed.  (Probably didn't make a lick of sense).  I know that they will forgive me, and I know that God has already forgiven me as well.

I pray every day for a chance to do something to glorify God.  I want Him to take my life and use it however, whenever, where ever, doing whatever He needs me to do.  I pray this every day as I turn control of my life over to Him. 

Attending recovery and working through the guides has opened my eyes to a lot of things.  It is easier to see people that proclaim to be Christians, not really acting as Christians than it was before.  I know we are not to judge, that is in God's hands.  I also know that if we see our brother doing something wrong we are to approach him, but never alone.  I think this is where I messed up. 

It is hard when you love and care for someone to point out something that they are doing is wrong, or the way they are acting is not appropriate, or the things they are saying is negative and derrogatory.  It is especially if they are a child of God and they are not being the Christian they proclaim to be. I only want my family and friends to experience God.  I want to know that when they leave this world that I will see them in Heaven, or that I will be waiting for them when they pass from this world. 

There is no battle too big for GOD.  There is no battle too small for GOD.  He will see you through the rough times, the sad times, the painful things that life throws and He is there for the happy times as well.  Let God see you through..  Just ask Jesus into your heart.  Believe and know that He was born of a virgin, was crucified and died and rose again on the third day so that we might have eternal life.  Don't wait until it is too late..  When is it too late???  When you stand before Him and He looks in the book of life and says, "I do not know you child." 

Are you a child of God?  Have you strayed from the straight and narrow path?  Humble yourself before God, give Him your heart and ask for His forgiveness of your sins.  Spend eternity with Jesus.  I am. 

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Awesomeness of God (I know that is probably now a Word)

Okay, All I can say is WOW!!!!  Sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in and for you to have one of those Ah Ha moments in your life, but I recently had one of those.... Like Saturday night... and it was all because I tried to do something before God was ready for me to do it.  The end of the week was really horrendous, but I tried really hard not to dwell on a couple of things that happened and I did okay.  I've been praying for weeks now, giving God control of my life every morning, asking for strength and energy to face each day, one day at a time, and I've also prayed giving Him my life to use as He sees fit, in whatever His will might be.  I've had really really good days, and weeks.  My relationship and walk with God has grown immensely.  It seems I learn something new each and every day.  I can't soak up enough of God's word, and I find myself reading more and more... I'm actually reading a book on Basic Theology now as well and for those of you who don't know, I've been attending recovery and working through some participant's guide. 

Today I finished the second guide, but yesterday afternoon, I was finally able to sit down and finish my self-inventory of my past, my hurts, hangups, habits and addictive compulsive behavior.  It is very exhausting when you take an inventory of your life... although mine may not be as bad as some or as good as others, it was bad for me.  Every one's life is different, and as discussed in the last meeting there is a wide road or the straight and narrow path that you can choose.  A lot of us at some point in our life, travel that wide road and it takes a lot for us to get back on the straight and narrow.  My husband has been wonderful through this journey with me.  He attends meetings when he can, but he is always there to answer a bible question or help me find scripture or just to listen and hold me when I cry.  There have been days when I couldn't have made it without him and I definitely could make it without GOD!. 

So here's my revelation that I want to share.  After completing my inventory, I realized that there are going to be people who don't know that they have hurt me or know that they have hurt me but don't care, even though they proclaim to be Christian and then there are going to be those that even though I approach them to ask for forgiveness or to forgive them, they are going to turn their backs or laugh in my face  and I'm okay with that, because at that point I have done all I can do.  I've forgiven myself and Jesus has forgiven me.  From that point forward it is between them and God. 

I still have to complete my journey down my road to recovery and I know that I am well on my way to the end as well as on my way to a deeper relationship with my Jesus.  I'm hope to complete my guides soon, but even then, I will probably not stop going to meetings.  I love being around people who accept you for who you are, don't expect anything, and are always happy to see you no matter what.  I've made several friends, and lots of acquaintances and will probably have more before it is all said and done.  I'm starting to trust people again, but it is still fragile, but I know God is there and I can trust Him to take care of me and help me to triumph. 

Here is some more testimony that I know I'm on the right track. Last night we were not having regular church service.  We had a concert by Harmony Quartet.  I didn't really want to go.  My leg had been hurting since Saturday and after the morning service it kept kind of going out so to speak.  I would be able to stand for two or three minutes but then it would be okay.  Anyway, I told Norman that I really didn't want to go.  All he said was that you will miss a blessing.  So being a dutiful wife, I got up and dressed to come back to church, and I'm glad I did.  It was an Ah ha moment for sure.  The group was awesome!  Wonderful voices, singing some old hymns, song they had written and then the bass player sang a song.  It was at that moment, that God said, "This is for you.  Listen closely my child."  I get goosebumps or Godbumps as my sister calls them, thinking about it now.  The name of the song is, "Grace one more time."  It talks about walking down the road one day and sin was in the way and instead of going around, it couldn't be avoided.  It says as I cried and tears streamed down, I felt the warm hand of my savior and as he held my face and wiped my tears away, he said I am with you my child, now go and please me, and He gave me grace one more time. 

GOD is always there to pick us up when we needed to be held.  There to carry us when can no longer go on.  I know that without a doubt He has big plans for me.  My husband says that right now, we are being called to service at Emory Baptist.  He is right.  I know that we are suppose to be there, not exactly what for yet, but God will reveal in His time.  I hope this blog gives others hope and shows that no matter what God's grace is sufficient and it doesn't matter what you have done; He will forgive you.  If you are not one of God's children, I pray that you will ask Him into your heart, and that you will see the light of His grace and the love of serving Him.  May you have a God Filled Day.  Love, L

Friday, August 6, 2010

What Kind of Recovery?

This question has been posed to me at least twice or maybe three times in the last month.  What kind of recovery are you going through?  That is a really good question.  Most times when you mention recovery, most people automatically assume that you are recovering from alcohol abuse or drug abuse but there are other reasons to go to a recovery group.  What are those reasons?  Well it could be that you have just lost a loved one, gotten out of a physically abusive relationship, or maybe a mentally abusive relationship.  It could be that you have an addiction to food, or you have an eating disorder, all of which are usually caused by something painful in your past or some hurt you have suffered.  Maybe you were sexually molested as a child or rape when you were older.  Maybe you felt like an outsider in your own home or felt you weren't loved.  Maybe you were given up for adoption and feel like your parents didn't care, or maybe you have gone through a divorce and your relationship with your children suffered, or maybe your children were taken from you for some reason.  There are many reasons a person might start attending a recovery group.  It maybe that someone they are close to has issues with drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, physical, mental or emotional abuse.  You never know about someone's life by looking at them and therefore should never judge a person until you have walked in their shoes, but I digress.

I've thought about my reasons for going and I originally thought it was because I needed help to forgive myself from my drug use and alcohol use, but it has been over 20 years since I've used drugs and I haven't had a drink of alcohol since December 31, 2009.  So part of recovery is self-examination, you are required to do a self inventory of your life.  You list people you feel have hurt you, what the hurt was and what it caused in your life.  You also have to list people you have hurt, and why maybe that you did that, and who else did it hurt.  I've come to the realization that part of my hurt is perception.  People may not have realized that what they said hurt.  Some people are not aware that a simple word can hurt a person and mark them for life. 

There were somethings that I remember that hurt and I never said anything to anyone.  Being sexually molested was one of them.  I went to a counselor when I was older and he was retarded.  He misconstrued what I was saying and instead of rocking the boat, I just let it go.  (BIG MISTAKE!)  Until I got married, I was never able to sleep in a dark room, with my back to an open door or sleep with the door opened and if it was closed, it was locked. 

My weight was another issue.  Here comes the catch 22.  I wanted to be married, loved, in a relationship, but I was afraid to let anyone close.  If I was fat, no one would want me and I was safe, but I was lonely.  So with this came an eating disorder.  I'm a compulsive over eater, which is very dangerous and can cause major health issues. 

So why do I go to recovery?  Because I'm accepted just the way I am, look, sound, feel, smiling or not, and I'm loved for who I am.  What is recovery doing for me?  I have renewed my relationship with GOD.  I'm putting my life together, and giving control of it to GOD.  I want only to live for HIM.  What's that doing for my marriage?  Making it the most awesome thing in the world, next to GOD.  I'm safe, secure, wanted, loved, needed and it makes me look at the positive side of things.  What do I hope to accomplish?  To be able to approach those that have hurt me and tell them what they did and tell them I forgive them.  To be able to approach those that I have hurt and hope that they will forgive me.  Am I scare?  My heart skips a beat every time I think about it.  Will I succeed?  Yes with God's help, the support of my husband, family and the recovery group, I will make it through this and then I hope to be there to help others through there recovery. 

Hopefully this answers some questions that people have asked.  Is this a complete list above?  No way, but another thing I have realized, is that I'm not sure I can ever have a complete list.  My memories are not all that good and I can only remember a few things about my life before the age of 12.  Not sure why, but I know God will show them to me when the time comes.

I hope that if you are suffering for any kind of hurt, habit, hangup, loss or addiction, you will seek out a recovery group.  Celebrate recovery is a christian based program and they do have a website.  Go check it out.  May you all be Blessed with God's light.  Love, L

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I Try

In recent weeks I have handed my life to God.  Although He never left me, I turned away from Him and thought He had turned His back on me.  I'm trying to live one day at a time, and let Jesus take care of my hurts, hangups, habits and addictive compulsive behaviors, because I know that without Him, there is no cure, and my life is meaningless.  I want everything I do to shine so bright with Him, that everyone will want to know who He is and how they can have Him in their life.  My brother in law has a bible verse that he frequently mentions.  I think I'm going to adopt it for my motto.  It is  "Abstain from the appearance of all evil."  1 Thessalonians 5:22.  Think about that scripture.  Think about what is evil.  Think about what you do, say, wear, think, consume, and portray to others around you.  Is there anything you do that would not appear to be good?  Would not appear to be Christian?  

This is a conversation my husband and I often have.  It doesn't say in the bible that you can drink.  But it does say that your body is a temple and to treat it right.  Here is another thought.  How can you drink yourself drunk and proclaim to be a Christian?  I mean it is a little hard to testify to the person behind the cash register what Jesus has done in your life, and how He has helped you when you are in there every week buying a case or two of beer.  What kind of testimony is that!  It is the same with the way you speak, act, and what you wear and how you portray yourself to others.  Don't be a hypocrite!  Don't attend church on a regular basis and then spend Friday and Saturday night drinking, drugging or whatever.

Be honest with yourself.  Get your heart right with Jesus and then get your life right and live like you are a Christian.  That you love Jesus Christ with all your heart.  Don't blame everyone else for what is happening in your life because of the way you live.  Take responsibility and get on your knees and ask for God's forgiveness and get back on the right track. 

Now for those of you who are going to read this and read more into than is there, I have one word... DON'T.  This is aim at no one, but I just lost my temper, yelled at someone on the phone and cursed really loudly.  I was immediately convicted for my sins and I hit my knees and cried and asked Jesus to forgive me.  So before you think I'm pointing fingers at you!  I'm not!. 

However, I hope you will all read this and think hard about it.  May your day be completely Filled with God.  The one and only true Living God!.  I have eternal life because He died for me and rose again.  I want to do all I can to bring Him glory.  How about you other Christians?  What is your goal for bring glory to God?