A Few Things

Recovery Meeting Last Night

I attended my recovery group meeting last night and it had been two weeks since I had last attended.  It was a good meeting, sharing and we are working on HOPE in our books.  We always open with a prayer and close with a prayer.  It wasn't as large a meeting last night as we have had before.  I usually love the meetings and it wasn't that I didn't love the meeting last night, but there was an awful lot of over talking last night.  We didn't even really get through the question we were working on in the book last night.  That is okay too!  I guess I was just needing more last night and I didn't get what I needed last night.  I know It's not all about me. 

I've not picked up my books for more than a month, until last night and we as a group are working on the first book.  I, as an individual, am working on the third book.  It may take me a long time to finish that book.  It deals with making amends, asking for forgiveness and confronting those that have hurt me.  This is a necessary step, but I'm not sure I can do it, and I know I definitely can't do it without Jesus Christ beside me. 

I still pray the prayers in the books about my hurts, hangups, habits and compulsive obsessive addictions.  I still pray for Jesus to take them, cure me, fix me and make me whole.  I love the joy in my heart, but my peace seems to be gone.  I prayed this morning for it to come back and be restored.  I know my Jesus will fix me, cure me and restore me.  My faith is such that I don't have to see to believe and I know He will fulfill my needs, desires and wants.  My God is Awesome, Strong, and He can set you free.  

We had revival this week with Dr. David Allen doing the services at night.  He gave us a powerful prayer to pray this week, and I will never stop.  I posted this under my status this morning on Facebook and will now share it here:  Jesus do anything in me that You need to do, in order to do everything through me You want to do.  Amen. 

Think about that sentence..  Then pray earnestly with a humble heart.  God will answer, but be prepared for the answer.  Love, L


People & Personalities

We as human beings, wear many different hats in our lives.  As a woman, I am a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, wife, daughter in law, cousin, and niece, but I also wear these hats, janitor, teacher, maid, bookkeeper, writer, student, landscaper, cook, trainer, laundress, friend, confidant, nurse, and I believe the list can go on forever.  The one title that is most important to me is Christian and Child of God. 

I realize that with each hat we wear, we can be a little different.  For the most part, I try to be the same person with all hats because the hat that I never take off is the one "Child of God."  Because of that hat, that is the person I want every one to see whether I am at church, praising God, at home, at the grocery store, cleaning, doing yard work or just living day to day.  I have a hard time understand why our personalities change because of what we are doing, or where we are working.  It doesn't make sense to me!  I know it happens, because when I was in Corporate America I was different than when I was at home.  But should we be?  Why is it necessary for us to be one person at church and another at home, or in the world?   

Any thoughts?  Comments?   Have a Blessed & God Filled Day!  Love, L.

October 11, 2010 - Monday Evening

It has been awhile since I've posted anything and to be honest, I'm not sure exactly what to write about tonight.  I am dealing with some things that are threatening my joy, and I'm praying for God to rid me of the issues or things or whatever you want to call it.  I've had many negative thoughts in the last month, and I have lost some of the joy I had, but know that all this is in God's hands.  I've been neglecting writing in my journal  and have let people and things get between God and me.  Today is only the second time in a two week period that I have started and completed my journal entry in a single sitting. 

I feel that God is closing a door and about to open up a new one.  I'm ready for that!  I want my peace back and I don't feel it or have it completely right now.  It is sad when a single tiny thing can disrupt your whole being like it has done.  I know I need to let it go and let God.  I've written in my journal, prayed and handed it to Him, only to pick it up again.  Why you ask?  Because I'm put back in front of it constantly. 

I have had an issue with "Trust" for many years.  It comes back from things in my past and even though I'm much better than I was, I still have issues with trusting and if I'm betrayed, I can't give the person a 100% of my loyalty because of the betrayal.  That probably doesn't make sense.  Anyway, I am making an effort to attend my recovery meeting this week.  I'm still sober, nothing to drink, but a piece of the old me did show up in the last few weeks.  I don't want that person back.  I'm not that person, and it makes my heart hurt, that I have let an incident bring up those old feelings. 

I will continue to pray and ask for God's guidance and wisdom to get me through all of this.  My sponsor is helping and I need to learn to call her when I need to talk.  May you all have a God Filled Day and be Blessed by God's grace and mercy.  Love, L.