Monday, April 30, 2012

Standing in the Light

Any time you are doing what you should be doing according to God's word, the devil makes your life hard, not unbearable but definitely hard.  I try very hard to keep my light shining, but in corporate America, it is not easy and there is always something or someone trying to make you fall or stumble.  I love discussing God and the Bible and I have several friends that like to discuss as well.  Two don't have firm beliefs, but they are open to discussion and have made me really work hard finding the answers according to what God's Word says.  I have other friends that are new Christians, and I worry about them.  The attending a very new and young church and I don't totally agree with some of there beliefs, or churchisms (for lack of a better word).  I do hope that they both read their bibles and study Gods word and don't take things out of context. 

I've been reading a lot today.  I've read about the power of prayer, thanksgiving, the qualifications for pastors and deacons, husbands and wives, and how as Christians our old life is suppose to be dead and we are suppose to live as a new person, washed in the blood of Christ, washed white as snow.  Does that mean that we never struggle with temptation and sin?  Absolutely not.  Does it mean that we don't sometimes slip back to our old life and do things that we shouldn't?  Absolutely not.  Here's an example:

I attended Celebrate Recovery for many reason, one being that I enjoyed drinking and sometimes I enjoyed it too much, but it help to rid me of old memories, and bad things that happened in my life.  I stopped drinking on December 31st, 2009, until February of 2012.  I haven't been drunk, I have done it to excess, but what I have done, is do shots of some kind of flavored liquor.  Did I need it?  Did something happened to make me slip backwards?  I don't know.  What I do know is that it makes me feel guilty.  Why?  Because I feel like I have let God down.  I know I have let myself down, but each day is a new day and each day I get a chance to begin again, and I know that God is beside me and will always be there with me.  He never leaves our side. 

My husband is standing with me and I think he is really trying to understand what happened or caused me to take a drink.  I was not an alcoholic by any means, but I wasn't always a nice person when I was drinking.  I know given time and as I continue to read, I will step away from the alcohol again. 

Why am I confessing all of this?  I guess mostly because I needed to say it and say it out loud so to speak.  People that have never used alcohol as a crutch don't understand and those that I work with that drink, say it's okay.  Well it might be okay for them, but not for me and I'm the one that has to stand before God one of these days and answer for the things I've said and done or not done. 

Here's another thing, I use to be a very sarcastic person.  It is a defense mechanism, but its not nice.  I sometime have to bite my tongue to keep things from coming out of my mouth.  I also used gestures that aren't nice and last week, I fell into that mode for a moment.  However, something was said by a co-worker that made me go, "That's not how I want to be known.  That is not me these days and that is definitely not how I want to display myself to others."  I've asked my friend who snapped the picture to erase it from her phone.  I've don't like having my picture made unless it is planned.  Hopefully she will follow my wishes and delete the photo.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to stand in the light.  Some days are harder than others, but some days, it easy.  I know that God loves me and He is showing me and my husband how to be better at sharing God's word and living in the light.

God Bless!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Back In God's Presence

We joined a new church two weeks ago today.  It feels like home.  We weren't able to attend last weekend because we were out of town at a family reunion.  Today, the sermon seemed to hit home.  Being back in the workforce has made me forget my christian side.  I love the people I work with but sometimes just like in all of our lives we have issues dealing with the way they respond and then we respond to counteract their response.  Neither is good and it makes the work environment difficult. 

The language is another issue.  I've tried hard not to use words I haven't used in a long time, but being with people who use four letter words and do spiteful things constantly doesn't always bring out the best in me or anyone you are around. 

Today's sermon which is still dealing with struggles was Demonstrating Perspective.  One of the questions that was asked was:  Who do you serve?  Man or God.  It is my wish and my desire to serve God.  I don't want my human side, earthly side to out shine my christian side.  However, that is what has been happening. My earthly side is ugly and I don't want it to be the side I present to everyone.  So today I had a talk with God and re-examined my heart.

I have a friend who says she has accepted Christ but has never walked an aisle or public profession of faith or talk to a preacher and I have not been a good example.  I'm not sure she really understands what it means.  When you become a Christian, it becomes a tougher life.  Accepting Christ and walking in faith is not easy.  Satan tempts you and tells you it is okay to do things to others, or to do things that are not all that bad, but they aren't good either.  My goal is to show her the right way.  To show her that Jesus is the truth, the way and the life. 

I am deeply sorry for the way or things I have said over the last few weeks.  I've been angry and upset with people that even though what they did was not right, it's not me they have to answer to or explain their ways.  Everyone will stand before God and be judged.  All I can do is try to show others the Christian way and hope I can be a light to someone and that they will see that God is the one true God.  That Jesus is/was the word made man.  That He died for our sins and rose again. 

God Bless!
Love, L

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Keeping God in My sight

I returned to the work force this week, out in the big world, away from my friends and the people at church.  The first couple of the days, the first thing I noticed was the language of the people I'm working with for eight hours a day.  It made me ask the question, "Did I used to talk that way?"  The resounding answer was "Yes you did."  It's not so anymore and I find it very offensive.  My friend that I carpool with, says things and I finally told her that her language was awful.  I even got on to her for saying something and she said, "I know.  Someone should get on to me for it."  I just did. 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that on the third day back to work, I found myself slipping in to old habits and that is not what I want or desire.  So by the end of the week, I was having to really focus on God, my faith, and being a Christian.  I was having to try hard to stay true to my beliefs.  This makes my job even more difficult.  They are all fairly good people.  I don't know about their religious beliefs or if they attend church, but I'm praying that my light will shine so that they can see what God has done for me. 

God answered my prayers for a job.  He has answered my prayers that my husband's eyes would be opened more about his work, and he has answered my prayers for many other things in the last days, weeks and months.  God has seen me safely to work during the last week.  He has seen me make it home when my car should not have.  God is definitely by my side every day, every hour and every minute.  He is providing the strength I need to persevere in the face of the world.  I thank you God from the deepest part of my heart, for all that You have done and will do.  I ask for your continued blessings, guidance and wisdom as I continue on this new leg of our journey.  I know God that you will show us if moving is what we need to do.  I know God that you will heal my body to allow me to make the drive, work, do school and still be a wife, mother and friend.  I know you are the King of Kings, The God of all the world and I know You hear my pleas.  Father please help me to help those I'm working with to see Your hand in my life.  God do in my anything and everything you need to do, in order that you can do all through me that You want to do.  In Jesus precious might name, Amen.