God's Hearing

God doesn't wear hearing aids.  He hears us every time, every second of every day, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  He is always with us.  However, as sinful humans we don't always think about that and we just wallow in self-pity or get angry that God is not helping us.  God answers every prayer, it just may not be what we want or think we need at the time.  I pray all the time, but I guess just like other Christians, my faith is not always what it should be and I feel very alone and away from God. 

I am here to tell you that this last week has been horrific! But you know what?  God was by my side and provided two very good friends to help me on Monday.  My stress level was maxed out.  My emotions were on a roller coaster.  I went to work out and my friend asked a very simple question, "How are you?"  Those three words caused a cascade of emotions to burst from me and the stream seemed unstoppable.  Our workout session turned into a therapy and prayer session which is what I needed but didn't realize it until much later. 

My friends have held my hands, wiped my tears and encouraged me to rely on God this week.  Now, before you say anything, I'm not a Christian that only goes to God with things are going wrong.  I talked to God every day.  I thank Him for the things He provides and for meeting my needs, but I guess that I got so overwhelmed that I was loosing faith.  Well just to prove to you that God does listen, He has answered every prayer this week.  He is showing me that through Him all things are possible and Faith is not seeing, but believing in those things we can't see. 

I know that He has my back through our current situation and that He will lead us through the days and weeks to come whatever the outcome may be.  So when you think God isn't listening, have faith in Him and what you believe.  He will answer.  Just remember it may not be the answer you are wanting at the time, but it will be what is best for you. 

I don't know if my friends will see this or read it, but a big loving hug and thanks goes out to them.  Without them, this week would have taken its toll on me, my marriage, and my recovery.  Thanks Barbie and Sharon! 

God Bless and Love, L

A letter for recovery

To friends of the past:

I have friends out there that have turned their backs on me, made statements about how I was evil, rude, crude, and abrupt.  You sometimes walked away when I needed you as my friends the most.  If I ever offended you, hurt your feelings or made you feel bad in anyway, I apologize and ask you to forgive me. 

There were times when I confessed my soul to you, told you of issues only to have you stab me in the back and turn away or side with others against me.  I was made to feel stupid, and that I was in the wrong especially when I was ask to call each member of a department and apologize.  Some of you as friends were my bosses which made it even more difficult.  What I learned from you is that even friends/bosses/managers cannot be trusted, but I forgive you.

I am trying hard to forgive and forget.  I truly want to move forward in my life, and as long as I harbor these feelings I know I can’t. 

This is my first attempt at seeking those of you out that I feel hurt me, made me feel unwanted, unloved, and not worthy.  Some times what others perceive as being mean or sarcastic is actually a cry for help.   

I still find it hard to forget as the past has a way of coming back at the wrong time, but that is the devil’s way of retaining control of our sinful nature.  I may have to start over each and every day from this day forward, but I know that God is always by my side.  I’m hoping that my true friends will come forward and accept my apology.  I am hopeful that I do still have a few true friends out there, those that stand beside you no matter what, always have your back, and will always take your call no matter what time of night or day it is.

I love you all.