Too Much Thinking

My husband laughs sometimes when I'm caught up in thought and he says, "What's up?"  My most usual reply is, "Nothing.  I was just thinking."  He usually knows that I will end up asking him something or telling him something that I may not have shared with him before.  We met and fell in love so quickly that we don't know everything about each other and our past is not something we talk a lot about. 

I was very naive about the way our life would be when we got married.  I had hoped that his children and my daughter and us would be what they now call a blended family.  I was wrong.  We only see his kids at his mother's or other family functions around holidays.  I don't know how to reach out to them.  My daughter only lives a little ways from us and we see her a lot.  She loves her stepfather and tells him so often.  I'm glad.  She only had my dad as a father figure growing up and she lost him in a year ago in February. 

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is that no one knows the future, except God.  He wants us to live in the present, not the past, and definitely not the future.  However, that is very difficult.  I try constantly, and I know that when the past is brought to the future, that the devil is at work.  I also know that God is always with me, no matter where I go, when I go, or what may happen.  I try to trust fully in the Lord, again that is harder than anything else I try to do. 

Today, I need God's strength, because today I am at a point where I don't care.  I'm void of feeling or maybe I feel too much.  There are days like today, when I would rather live some where in the middle of nowhere, with no one around but my husband and kids, and the dogs.  I want to hear nothing more than nature rushing around me.  I want to see the green of the earth, the beauty of God's hand all around me.  I don't want people or the drama they bring invading my space.  I, also know that is being selfish, but that is currently the way I'm feeling. 

I long for the day when there are no worries, no sadness, no tears, no heartache and no more lies. 

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

God Bless you all!
Love, L