Today I have visited with God several times and it is just 1:20PM. Anxiety and Fear are keeping me close to God today. I know that God will take care of me and protect me and give me the strength I need to stay focused and to let the anxiety and fear go. He has control of my life, and I give it to Him freely every day. I want to do more, to be more, and to experience more.
My bible has been open on my desk since I came home from working at the church and I've even been back to the church again today. It wasn't to work although I did help the ladies out in the auditorium with envelopes and note pads... just so they could get finished quicker. I did go to our library and picked up two books. One is a commentary book that covers from Proverbs through Ezekiel. I only wanted Ecclesiastes, but now I think I'm going to read the whole thing. The other book is called Halley's Bible Handbook and gives you background info on all the books of the bible as well some history and other things. I've not started reading it yet, just thumbed through. I need more information.
In the Bible I've read my devotional scriptures from my devotional reading for today, as well as a couple of chapters in the Book of James, one in Hebrews and now it is open to I Corinthians. I'm waiting on an email with some information from a Sunday School lesson a couple of weeks ago, but I have some studying to do. I just need clearer understanding, and I know that God will help me as I'm reading, because I have prayed and asked for His guidance, wisdom, knowledge and understanding of His glorious word.
As for as my recovery goes, I'm still working on my self-inventory and I've got a list of 14 things so far, and on Saturday I realized, that my name needs to be on that list along with the things I need to answer for and ask forgiveness for from friends, family and others. Some I will never be able to address as those people have left this world to go be with Jesus. I'm also on the look for a new sponsor, and I believe I will be talking to a couple of the ladies at the meeting on Thursday night.
Here is one of my verses for today: Hebrews 4: 16 (KJV) Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Another: Ephesians 2:18 (KJV) For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.
These two seemed to stand out more prominently than the others for today. I wish you all a truly God Filled Day. Love, L
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
A step forward in my journey
I started my self inventory and was able to share in our recovery meeting last night. We are in small groups and it makes it so much easier to share. I still get very emotional about things, but last night I talked about the compulsive eating disorder and one of the ladies prayed with me individually after group.
We always start a group session off with a prayer for everyone there, and to bless the food. Then after we break into smaller groups to share and go over the questions in the books, we pray before we start and we always close with a prayer. Everyone is very nice.
It is amazing at some of the stories and the feelings that get shared. When you look at a person that you pass on the street or see in a crowd or even that you see every Sunday at church, you have no idea what that person has gone through, going through or is trying to overcome.
There is one thing that we all have in common in the group and that is Jesus Christ. He is our higher power and without Him, there is not cure for our hurts, hangups, or addictive compulsive behaviors. He is the only one that can cure us and it is a struggle for us to give up control. Last night as I shared, I stated that everyday, I ask Jesus to take control of my life and I freely give it to Him. I ask only to live my life for Him, doing whatever He would have me do. I explained to an accountability partner last night, that I know that before I can go forward with a life for living strictly for Christ, that I have to finish my journey down the road to recovery. She said, "Yes it is one step at a time. One day at a time. Stay in the Word and when you start to feel things going astray, pray." She is very sweet and you can see the joy and happiness in her face. She looked at me last night and said, "You look so much better this week. I can see the difference in your face." It made me feel good that she could see the light of the Lord in my face.
I'm not sure what God has in store for me once I finish my journey, but I know that it will be His will, His time, and at a place where He things I need to be.
May you all have a God Filled weekend. Love, L
We always start a group session off with a prayer for everyone there, and to bless the food. Then after we break into smaller groups to share and go over the questions in the books, we pray before we start and we always close with a prayer. Everyone is very nice.
It is amazing at some of the stories and the feelings that get shared. When you look at a person that you pass on the street or see in a crowd or even that you see every Sunday at church, you have no idea what that person has gone through, going through or is trying to overcome.
There is one thing that we all have in common in the group and that is Jesus Christ. He is our higher power and without Him, there is not cure for our hurts, hangups, or addictive compulsive behaviors. He is the only one that can cure us and it is a struggle for us to give up control. Last night as I shared, I stated that everyday, I ask Jesus to take control of my life and I freely give it to Him. I ask only to live my life for Him, doing whatever He would have me do. I explained to an accountability partner last night, that I know that before I can go forward with a life for living strictly for Christ, that I have to finish my journey down the road to recovery. She said, "Yes it is one step at a time. One day at a time. Stay in the Word and when you start to feel things going astray, pray." She is very sweet and you can see the joy and happiness in her face. She looked at me last night and said, "You look so much better this week. I can see the difference in your face." It made me feel good that she could see the light of the Lord in my face.
I'm not sure what God has in store for me once I finish my journey, but I know that it will be His will, His time, and at a place where He things I need to be.
May you all have a God Filled weekend. Love, L
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A Self Inventory - hurts, hangups and addictive compulsive behaviors!
I finally started with the inventory on Tuesday, the 20th. I had a friend who has been through this partly get me started and now it just seems to be falling into place. It is harder than one would think... remembering things that have happened, things that have been said or done to you, and then trying to figure out if something you do is a compulsive addictive behavior. Oh and for those of you out there, a computer can be come an addiction. LOL! Farmville, Farmtown, Frontier Ville... Need I go on???
Anyway, I've got about six things listed so far, but I remembered a couple of more things that I'm going to add later today. I may pull out some pictures and look at them so I can see if it jogs my memory some more. One of the things from my past that has always been there in the back of my mind, sometimes in the front, made me examine the way I treated people afterwards and up until recently. This is very difficult to talk about, but I want anyone who is experiencing anything remotely like this to understand. I tried not to get close to people, trusting, or loving them. It made me wonder if I had ever made my daughter feel unloved. She is 24 years old and after thinking about our life before we were married, I wondered what damage I might have done to her. Finally yesterday when she went home for lunch, she called me. We talked about several things, but then I stopped her and told her I needed to ask her something. Something that was very painful for me, and upsetting, but it would help with my recovery. She has been great about this whole thing and stood beside me. Anyway, she knows about this particular incident and I can out and said, "Did I ever make you feel unloved when you were growing up? When it was just us?" And as I was crying fearing for the worst response, she said, "Momma, you have never made me feel unloved, ever in my life." Okay which made me cry that much harder.
Okay so that is done, but I'm no where near through and there will be other things that I will probably have to ask her before this is all through, but I know without a doubt she will be there to help me through this, along with Norman, and the rest of my family.
I hope that this helps someone else who maybe starting their inventory and having to come to grips with life. It is hard, but it is one day at a time. May you all have a God Filled Day. God Bless. L
Anyway, I've got about six things listed so far, but I remembered a couple of more things that I'm going to add later today. I may pull out some pictures and look at them so I can see if it jogs my memory some more. One of the things from my past that has always been there in the back of my mind, sometimes in the front, made me examine the way I treated people afterwards and up until recently. This is very difficult to talk about, but I want anyone who is experiencing anything remotely like this to understand. I tried not to get close to people, trusting, or loving them. It made me wonder if I had ever made my daughter feel unloved. She is 24 years old and after thinking about our life before we were married, I wondered what damage I might have done to her. Finally yesterday when she went home for lunch, she called me. We talked about several things, but then I stopped her and told her I needed to ask her something. Something that was very painful for me, and upsetting, but it would help with my recovery. She has been great about this whole thing and stood beside me. Anyway, she knows about this particular incident and I can out and said, "Did I ever make you feel unloved when you were growing up? When it was just us?" And as I was crying fearing for the worst response, she said, "Momma, you have never made me feel unloved, ever in my life." Okay which made me cry that much harder.
Okay so that is done, but I'm no where near through and there will be other things that I will probably have to ask her before this is all through, but I know without a doubt she will be there to help me through this, along with Norman, and the rest of my family.
I hope that this helps someone else who maybe starting their inventory and having to come to grips with life. It is hard, but it is one day at a time. May you all have a God Filled Day. God Bless. L
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