I deleted this originally after I received a harsh email. Maybe I should not have used the word persecution, although that is what I felt, and that I was being forced to make choices, with no real back up. So after words of guidance and wisdom from family and friends, I'm re-posting this entry. May God Bless you always.
Over the last few weeks I feel that I have been persecuted for what I believe or was taught to believe as I was growing up in the Baptist Church. It is being done with love, but does that make it better? Does it make it okay that it comes from people you are close to? Today was the first time I have stepped inside a church in almost a year. I left the last church with a bitter feeling. The feeling is gone and it was probably all me and not where I originally placed the blame. The sermon today brought me to tears. I'm sure it was conviction for knowing that I fall short of the perfect will of God and even though I have been saved, I still sin from time to time. I used the word sinner in an email just as an explanation of that we all still sin in some form or fashion even after being saved. No one can do the perfect will of God. We all strive to do that, but we all fall short. Anyway, I digress.. when I used the word sinner, I received a paragraph stating that I was saved from being a sinner, washed clean and that by saying I'm a sinner, I'm calling Christ a liar. In no way, form or fashion was that what I meant. My life has not and is not sinless. I strive to have a relationship with Christ, to learn His Word, and to do my best to live the perfect will of God. Do I fall short? Everyday. Do I repent of my sins? Yes. Do I wish for more of a life with Christ? Absolutely. Do I question what I have been taught all my life? Never. Can I defend what I was taught? I'm not sure. This is where I have been studying. I've pulled the Trail of Blood from the Internet. It follows bible doctrine back to the first church in Jerusalem. It is a wonderful website, and I have only begun to study it. Revival starts at my mother in law's church tonight. The sermon by the pastor this morning was on what revival is. It is reviving the relationship you have or seek with Christ, as a Christian. John 1:38 Jesus asks the questions, "What do ye seek?" Do you know what you seek? May God Bless you all. L
I think this is a wonderful post! Very very true! You know, I've seen a lot of believers (particularly women) who struggle with sin after salvation. Sometimes it catches us off guard that we are still struggling with those same old sins. But even the apostle Paul struggled with sin. He talks about that in Romans 7. We are never perfect until heaven, but He loves us as we are! I can't imagine how painful it must be to live under the expectations of perfection all the time. It seems like you would constantly be in a cycle of defeat, trying to earn God's love and prove to Him that you are still perfect, still good enough...
ReplyDeleteanyway, thanks for sharing. And don't you ever stop writing!! :)