Psalm 37:3-5 (King James Version)
3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
The above scriptures were shared with me by blogging friend, and they have really made me stop and think. I am sure I have read them before but I am not sure if I have really ever thought about what these scriptures say. This is a promise from God. As such we should take it to heart.
Think about what it says, "It says to trust the Lord, do good (follow His commandments, live by the scripture), dwell in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit yourself to serving God, and He will make it all happen. That is probably not exactly right, but that is how I interpret those passages.
It has made me stop and think a lot about my life. One of my biggest desires is to make a living by writing. I want to write a Christian Fiction book, along with several others. Being a published, successful author has been one of my greatest desires since I was 14. The other is to operate an animal rescue and shelter and to train dogs for service with people with handicaps and to do all of this while showing others what God can do if you just trust Him. Aha! There's the catch! You have to trust in the Lord. Trust is such an issue for me. It all comes from a past where I have been betrayed, but through recovery, I'm hoping to get past that. I am going to a meeting for a little while tonight, but I am going to start attending on a regular basis, and I am going to start sharing things that God has done for me, us, so that they too can learn to trust in the Lord.
What are your heart's desires? Do you Trust in the Lord? Have you committed Your way to Him?
I would love to hear your answers, please feel free to leave a comment.
May God Bless You all for the rest of this year and for the year 2011. I know He will bless me and mine.
Love, L
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Calmness
Even though I haven't been sleeping well, my whole being is filled with this calmness I can't explain. My dreams of late have been surreal and I jerk awake in the blink of an eye. I never have a full scene in my dream. Some how though I know that God is about to reveal something to me, us, my family something. It is this very uncanny feeling I have that something is about to happen, not bad, something good.
God is working and moving in our lives. He does provide even when we don't realize it to start. My work week or weeks will be short by 1.5 to 2 hours this pay period because of Christmas Eve and the office or church being closed. To show that God does provide, I received an order for dog treats yesterday and it will be double the amount I would make for those 2 hours.
Deep in my heart, I know that the move we are planning is the right thing to do. Norman can work on the ranch or work off the ranch, whatever he prefers. I will work on the ranch and go to school. It is out in the country. We will have room for Sioux to run and if I want a couple of beagles, I will be able to do that as well. God is providing for everything except our personal bills. There won't be housing or utility costs and we don't have to leave the place if that is our desire.
I know that God is guiding us. Yesterday while I was cleaning, I saw the bible verse, "Be still and know that I am God." I know without a doubt it is Him talking to me. Don't get me wrong we are a little scared about moving, but staying here, in East Texas we will continue to struggle to survive and make a living.
I picked up my journal this morning for the first time in 14 days. I thought about that, and I guess it is because I am at peace and don't need to write my feelings down. I've been praying, actually I'm not sure I ever totally stop. I talk to God off and on all day. He has done wonders in my life, our life, and it just keeps getting better.
Do you have a relationship with God? If not, do you need to know how to get one? If you are a child of God, you should have a relationship with Him. I'm not talking about going to church and filling a pew. I'm talking about believing in Jesus, that He died for our sins, and rose again, and that He sits on the right hand of the Father. I'm talking about believing that He was born of a virgin. He is the son of God. He is the word made man. You have to study His word, believe what He tells us, and pray. He will take care of your needs.
May you all know God personally. May you all have a God Filled Day! May You receive blessings upon blessings!
Merry Christmas!
Love, L
God is working and moving in our lives. He does provide even when we don't realize it to start. My work week or weeks will be short by 1.5 to 2 hours this pay period because of Christmas Eve and the office or church being closed. To show that God does provide, I received an order for dog treats yesterday and it will be double the amount I would make for those 2 hours.
Deep in my heart, I know that the move we are planning is the right thing to do. Norman can work on the ranch or work off the ranch, whatever he prefers. I will work on the ranch and go to school. It is out in the country. We will have room for Sioux to run and if I want a couple of beagles, I will be able to do that as well. God is providing for everything except our personal bills. There won't be housing or utility costs and we don't have to leave the place if that is our desire.
I know that God is guiding us. Yesterday while I was cleaning, I saw the bible verse, "Be still and know that I am God." I know without a doubt it is Him talking to me. Don't get me wrong we are a little scared about moving, but staying here, in East Texas we will continue to struggle to survive and make a living.
I picked up my journal this morning for the first time in 14 days. I thought about that, and I guess it is because I am at peace and don't need to write my feelings down. I've been praying, actually I'm not sure I ever totally stop. I talk to God off and on all day. He has done wonders in my life, our life, and it just keeps getting better.
Do you have a relationship with God? If not, do you need to know how to get one? If you are a child of God, you should have a relationship with Him. I'm not talking about going to church and filling a pew. I'm talking about believing in Jesus, that He died for our sins, and rose again, and that He sits on the right hand of the Father. I'm talking about believing that He was born of a virgin. He is the son of God. He is the word made man. You have to study His word, believe what He tells us, and pray. He will take care of your needs.
May you all know God personally. May you all have a God Filled Day! May You receive blessings upon blessings!
Merry Christmas!
Love, L
Monday, December 20, 2010
While I Clean The Church
Most of the days that I clean at the church I wear my ipod and listen to music. I have to admit when I first started cleaning, I mostly had country and some rock on there, but now it is a big mixture. I have an Eric Clapton song, a bunch of country, some Robert Palmer and a lot of Christian music. I don't see anything wrong with the music I listen to while I am cleaning. There's nothing about getting drunk or doing anything illegal. Most of the country and western is about the love of your life, and how you feel about each other. Some of the other songs are about living in the country and just enjoying life.
I sing out loud while I am cleaning. If someone comes in, I stop singing and just listening. When I'm cleaning it is my time to reflect on my life, on God, and what changes are coming in the future. I find myself thinking and talking to God a lot while I am cleaning. Sometimes, I will pause the music and forget and I just like to feel the peace and serenity that fills the auditorium or some of the other buildings.
However, there is one of the buildings that is kind of creepy, well maybe not creepy, but it makes a lot of noises while I am in there cleaning. It is the very old Sunday school building. Today, I kept hearing the door chime from the alarm go off like someone was coming in and out, but the door never opened or closed. Anyway, it is probably just my mind playing games with me.
But it is usually very relaxing while I am working. I know I will miss the church when I find a full time job, but I'm sure they will find someone to take my place if they need it filled. I love the people at church and all though I don't quite feel the same thing I did a few months ago, I know that God is there. Some Sundays and other days, His presence is much more noticeable than other times, but He is always with me where ever I go.
Remember this is the season of our Savior's birth. Rejoice and don't be afraid to wish everyone you meet a Merry Christmas! Jesus loves you! He will never forsake you, no matter what you do. You can Trust the Lord with all things! He will provide all that you need!
God Bless You all!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Love, L
I sing out loud while I am cleaning. If someone comes in, I stop singing and just listening. When I'm cleaning it is my time to reflect on my life, on God, and what changes are coming in the future. I find myself thinking and talking to God a lot while I am cleaning. Sometimes, I will pause the music and forget and I just like to feel the peace and serenity that fills the auditorium or some of the other buildings.
However, there is one of the buildings that is kind of creepy, well maybe not creepy, but it makes a lot of noises while I am in there cleaning. It is the very old Sunday school building. Today, I kept hearing the door chime from the alarm go off like someone was coming in and out, but the door never opened or closed. Anyway, it is probably just my mind playing games with me.
But it is usually very relaxing while I am working. I know I will miss the church when I find a full time job, but I'm sure they will find someone to take my place if they need it filled. I love the people at church and all though I don't quite feel the same thing I did a few months ago, I know that God is there. Some Sundays and other days, His presence is much more noticeable than other times, but He is always with me where ever I go.
Remember this is the season of our Savior's birth. Rejoice and don't be afraid to wish everyone you meet a Merry Christmas! Jesus loves you! He will never forsake you, no matter what you do. You can Trust the Lord with all things! He will provide all that you need!
God Bless You all!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Love, L
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Be Ready Before You Ask
God listens to our pleas, prayers, and cries and you should never doubt that..never. Sometimes when we pray I'm not sure we always really mean what we say. Sometimes people pray what my mom and dad called, "Canned prayers." You know it is the same prayer that they say every day, every week. Those are canned prayers. Kind of like when you are a kid and you are taught to say grace or the blessing of the food at the dinner table. "Fold my hands, bow my head, Thank you Lord for this good bread, Amen." or "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."
Something you are not really taught to do in church as you grow and attend is how to pray. As an adult I sometime still struggle with prayer. A friend told me this, "It's just having a conversation with Jesus." That is true, and so that is what I do now. For a month or so, I have been praying for God to give us direction, and I think He is answering that prayer. It's just like the prayer I do, when I ask the Lord to do in me anything He needs to do, in order for Him to do everything He wants to do through me. I thought about that a long time, before I prayed that on a daily basis. Why? Because I wasn't really sure I was ready. If you ask God to do something in your life, make sure you are ready to accept the assignment that you are asking for, when you ask.
I've been married for almost five years, but before I met my husband, I felt called to work in missions. I even attend Criswell College in Dallas for one semester so I could learn more about the bible. Things happened and I kind of stepped away. I still feel that God is calling me to do something for Him, and I am gladly willing and ready to accept. Since I've been married, I've wondered how my husband would feel if I were called by God to work in some mission for Him. Now I'm not talking about missions in the foreign field. I'm talking about missions here in the United States. We have much that needs to be done here in the United States without having to leave the country to help people to Christ.
A friend of mine that is married to a preacher, said this, "If God calls you to do work for Him, He will make sure both of you are ready before He calls one of you." I took that to heart and I know that is true. God is truly at work in our lives, and we are having to learn to trust Him.
Early this week, I had an ongoing conversation with God on one side in my head and Satan on the other side in my head. God won and always will. I was seriously starting to doubt my Faith in God. Why?
Well first I got sick around the middle of October and was still quite sick until just before Thanksgiving. Norman got sick about the week before I started getting well. He is still fighting it, but is much, much better. We have not had much money and he has had one or two little jobs since the end of October. I had to seek help from the Methodist Church here in Emory to help us pay our electric and they agreed to pay half of it. However, the payment got there the same day as the disconnect. So we were without power for 4 hours or so. I have applied for numerous jobs and have not received one interview call. Norman does have a job to start on Tuesday, but not sure how big, how long, I am still working at the church about 18 hours for two weeks, and I was writing for two people. One of my writing gigs ended on Friday due to her hand being broken and she won't open back up until after the first of the year. So what do we do? I am praying and still looking for a job.
This is what I know. God is going to provide for us and we will be moving in the fall of next year or late summer. How we survive between now and then will be by trusting in God to provide for all our needs and that is all we ask for. I will continue to work at the church and do whatever else I can find to do. God has answered my prayer for directions in that I will be able to work for my sister at www.rememberwhenranch.com teaching, and working on the ranch. My husband has a job there too, if he wants it.
God does hear us, and He does answer us. So make sure you are ready, and stop praying canned prayers. Be sincere in your heart, and tell Jesus how you feel, who you are worried about and Thank Him for everything in your life. It is there because of Jesus.
God Bless You all.
Something you are not really taught to do in church as you grow and attend is how to pray. As an adult I sometime still struggle with prayer. A friend told me this, "It's just having a conversation with Jesus." That is true, and so that is what I do now. For a month or so, I have been praying for God to give us direction, and I think He is answering that prayer. It's just like the prayer I do, when I ask the Lord to do in me anything He needs to do, in order for Him to do everything He wants to do through me. I thought about that a long time, before I prayed that on a daily basis. Why? Because I wasn't really sure I was ready. If you ask God to do something in your life, make sure you are ready to accept the assignment that you are asking for, when you ask.
I've been married for almost five years, but before I met my husband, I felt called to work in missions. I even attend Criswell College in Dallas for one semester so I could learn more about the bible. Things happened and I kind of stepped away. I still feel that God is calling me to do something for Him, and I am gladly willing and ready to accept. Since I've been married, I've wondered how my husband would feel if I were called by God to work in some mission for Him. Now I'm not talking about missions in the foreign field. I'm talking about missions here in the United States. We have much that needs to be done here in the United States without having to leave the country to help people to Christ.
A friend of mine that is married to a preacher, said this, "If God calls you to do work for Him, He will make sure both of you are ready before He calls one of you." I took that to heart and I know that is true. God is truly at work in our lives, and we are having to learn to trust Him.
Early this week, I had an ongoing conversation with God on one side in my head and Satan on the other side in my head. God won and always will. I was seriously starting to doubt my Faith in God. Why?
Well first I got sick around the middle of October and was still quite sick until just before Thanksgiving. Norman got sick about the week before I started getting well. He is still fighting it, but is much, much better. We have not had much money and he has had one or two little jobs since the end of October. I had to seek help from the Methodist Church here in Emory to help us pay our electric and they agreed to pay half of it. However, the payment got there the same day as the disconnect. So we were without power for 4 hours or so. I have applied for numerous jobs and have not received one interview call. Norman does have a job to start on Tuesday, but not sure how big, how long, I am still working at the church about 18 hours for two weeks, and I was writing for two people. One of my writing gigs ended on Friday due to her hand being broken and she won't open back up until after the first of the year. So what do we do? I am praying and still looking for a job.
This is what I know. God is going to provide for us and we will be moving in the fall of next year or late summer. How we survive between now and then will be by trusting in God to provide for all our needs and that is all we ask for. I will continue to work at the church and do whatever else I can find to do. God has answered my prayer for directions in that I will be able to work for my sister at www.rememberwhenranch.com teaching, and working on the ranch. My husband has a job there too, if he wants it.
God does hear us, and He does answer us. So make sure you are ready, and stop praying canned prayers. Be sincere in your heart, and tell Jesus how you feel, who you are worried about and Thank Him for everything in your life. It is there because of Jesus.
God Bless You all.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Making Amends: A Step to my Recovery
I haven't written about my journey through recovery for awhile because I'm sort of at a stand still. I'm at the portion of recovery for making amends, seeking forgiveness and forgiving. I'm not sure I can take this step. Yesterday as a matter of fact, if I'd had any Jack Daniels in the house, I probably would have had a drink. Sad thing is I'm so close to completing a year of being alcohol free, I would have kicked myself a thousand times afterwards and been angry.
So I've been thinking about this step a lot. There are some people who will take my apology, or what I'm seeking amends for and be the type of person to smile, say that's okay, or I love you and there is nothing to forgive, or I'm sorry. However, there are some people who will not, and even though I will have done my part, and the next part is their responsibility or what they will be accountable for, it scares me to death to take that step. Norman and I have had this conversation, and it is true what he has said and that is that some will not even acknowledge what you are doing or they will think they have done nothing wrong, or they will be vindictive and mean. I guess that is what scares me the most. My husband just takes whatever is said and shrugs it off. I am not made that way and can't just shrug something off.
I believe in being honest, truthful and have always said, "If you don't really want to know then don't ask me. I will be honest." I have tried in the last year to tone the way I reply to people so not to hurt anyone. It takes a lot for me to do that. I'm not sure what that says about me as a person. If I constantly have to watch what I say and how I say it, does that make me a mean person. I'm not. I'm very tenderhearted actually. I cry over the stupidest emails especially if animals are involved. I cry at movies that I shouldn't cry at, and I cry sometimes just because.
Fear is a tactic of Satan, and I let him win a lot of times. I will just back away, or avoid a situation, or look away from a person. I didn't use to be the kind of person that backed down, no matter what. But I guess I finally got tired of being called mean, rude, crude, abrupt, and angry. I guess I finally felt defeated because I was trying to do a job, or be what I thought someone wanted me to be.
I've let remarks go by without saying anything, and have been humiliated. I have listened to things said by people I trusted and thought were friends only to find out there never really were. It is the whole trust thing.
So as I try to figure out how to complete this step, I stress over what will happen. My sponsor said that God will let me know who and when to make amends to. That it is in His time that all will come to pass. I know this, but it still hangs out there looming over me like a great big sign. "You Have To Finish This".
I have attended a recovery meeting in about six weeks. I will go back. When? Only God knows that, of that I'm sure.
So I've been thinking about this step a lot. There are some people who will take my apology, or what I'm seeking amends for and be the type of person to smile, say that's okay, or I love you and there is nothing to forgive, or I'm sorry. However, there are some people who will not, and even though I will have done my part, and the next part is their responsibility or what they will be accountable for, it scares me to death to take that step. Norman and I have had this conversation, and it is true what he has said and that is that some will not even acknowledge what you are doing or they will think they have done nothing wrong, or they will be vindictive and mean. I guess that is what scares me the most. My husband just takes whatever is said and shrugs it off. I am not made that way and can't just shrug something off.
I believe in being honest, truthful and have always said, "If you don't really want to know then don't ask me. I will be honest." I have tried in the last year to tone the way I reply to people so not to hurt anyone. It takes a lot for me to do that. I'm not sure what that says about me as a person. If I constantly have to watch what I say and how I say it, does that make me a mean person. I'm not. I'm very tenderhearted actually. I cry over the stupidest emails especially if animals are involved. I cry at movies that I shouldn't cry at, and I cry sometimes just because.
Fear is a tactic of Satan, and I let him win a lot of times. I will just back away, or avoid a situation, or look away from a person. I didn't use to be the kind of person that backed down, no matter what. But I guess I finally got tired of being called mean, rude, crude, abrupt, and angry. I guess I finally felt defeated because I was trying to do a job, or be what I thought someone wanted me to be.
I've let remarks go by without saying anything, and have been humiliated. I have listened to things said by people I trusted and thought were friends only to find out there never really were. It is the whole trust thing.
So as I try to figure out how to complete this step, I stress over what will happen. My sponsor said that God will let me know who and when to make amends to. That it is in His time that all will come to pass. I know this, but it still hangs out there looming over me like a great big sign. "You Have To Finish This".
I have attended a recovery meeting in about six weeks. I will go back. When? Only God knows that, of that I'm sure.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Can You Hear?
Its that time of year where you see Christmas lights, Stores decorated for Christmas and you hear Christmas music every where you go. One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Can You see what I see?" That must have been a very magical or guess a supernatural thing they night the Star appeared. The time when Christ's birth was announced and the star directed the wise men and shepherds to Him.
We don't have a star directing us to Him now. We have His written word.
Although none us probably read it, take it in, or devour it like we should, it is there to give us and remind us of His promises. We can read His word and every place there is a promise, it is not just for Israel, it is for every child of God and for those looking for Jesus.
There are many times when I stand in worship service and cry during the invitation. I know that it is God tugging at my heart, convicting me, and calling me to do more. What more? I'm not sure, but I know that as long as I keep praying and asking God for His direction, give Him control of my life, that He will continue to provide everything I need. My faith is tenfold more than it use to be. My trust is tenfold more than it ever was.
God does not let people down. He does not forsake us, and He never leaves us. We are the ones that turn our backs and walk away. Why? Because of something we don't understand. As a child of God, I am trying to live my life for God, to spread His word, and to show others just who Jesus is, the one true living God. There is no other! All the other religions worship gods that are dead. My God, My Jesus sits on the right hand of the Father.
Do you know Jesus? Would you like to know someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter what you have done? You can. It is for everyone, not just the chosen people.
May God Bless You as you read this blog today! May You have a God Filled Day! And if you don't know Jesus, I pray that He will send someone to you, to show you how to meet Him. Your life will be forever changed.
Love, L
We don't have a star directing us to Him now. We have His written word.
Although none us probably read it, take it in, or devour it like we should, it is there to give us and remind us of His promises. We can read His word and every place there is a promise, it is not just for Israel, it is for every child of God and for those looking for Jesus.
There are many times when I stand in worship service and cry during the invitation. I know that it is God tugging at my heart, convicting me, and calling me to do more. What more? I'm not sure, but I know that as long as I keep praying and asking God for His direction, give Him control of my life, that He will continue to provide everything I need. My faith is tenfold more than it use to be. My trust is tenfold more than it ever was.
God does not let people down. He does not forsake us, and He never leaves us. We are the ones that turn our backs and walk away. Why? Because of something we don't understand. As a child of God, I am trying to live my life for God, to spread His word, and to show others just who Jesus is, the one true living God. There is no other! All the other religions worship gods that are dead. My God, My Jesus sits on the right hand of the Father.
Do you know Jesus? Would you like to know someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter what you have done? You can. It is for everyone, not just the chosen people.
May God Bless You as you read this blog today! May You have a God Filled Day! And if you don't know Jesus, I pray that He will send someone to you, to show you how to meet Him. Your life will be forever changed.
Love, L
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help
The economy stinks right now and because of the business that my husband is in there are times when he goes for weeks without work because of the weather, and just because it slows down at this time of year. I work part-time at the church and freelance/ghost write but can't make more than a $100.00 a week so far and that doesn't happen very often.
There have been times when I didn't know how we were going to pay rent, or utilities or buy groceries because of our money situation. I've never really had to worry until this past couple of years, because I was always in Corporate America and made good money.
Well because of the economy, weather and just life, I have had to look for resources for help. Food stamps is a place to go for help if you need it, but there are sometimes other options. There are many community outreach centers that offer things like a food bank, or maybe even a church that helps with utilities. Never think there isn't some way to get help. Just don't wait until your are about to get your lights disconnected. My family has stepped in many times over the last year and we couldn't have made it without them.
Although some churches don't offer this kind of assistance, the United Methodist Church here in town, helps with your utilities. Thank You God for giving me the courage to call them. There are other places in town that help as well. One is called the Good Samaritan. They have a food bank, and a store where you can buy clothes for very cheap. I bought a really cute, long blue jean skirt to wear. But there even have suits for men and women so if you have a job interview, go for it.
The Texas Department of Health and Human Services does offer assistance, but more so if you have a family or children. Look around you area and see what kind of assistance is available if you need it. Start with your church and see what they can recommend. I really think all churches should help some way especially for their members, but I guess I understand if they don't.
May God Bless You in All You do.
There have been times when I didn't know how we were going to pay rent, or utilities or buy groceries because of our money situation. I've never really had to worry until this past couple of years, because I was always in Corporate America and made good money.
Well because of the economy, weather and just life, I have had to look for resources for help. Food stamps is a place to go for help if you need it, but there are sometimes other options. There are many community outreach centers that offer things like a food bank, or maybe even a church that helps with utilities. Never think there isn't some way to get help. Just don't wait until your are about to get your lights disconnected. My family has stepped in many times over the last year and we couldn't have made it without them.
Although some churches don't offer this kind of assistance, the United Methodist Church here in town, helps with your utilities. Thank You God for giving me the courage to call them. There are other places in town that help as well. One is called the Good Samaritan. They have a food bank, and a store where you can buy clothes for very cheap. I bought a really cute, long blue jean skirt to wear. But there even have suits for men and women so if you have a job interview, go for it.
The Texas Department of Health and Human Services does offer assistance, but more so if you have a family or children. Look around you area and see what kind of assistance is available if you need it. Start with your church and see what they can recommend. I really think all churches should help some way especially for their members, but I guess I understand if they don't.
May God Bless You in All You do.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thankful For Thorns
I received an email from my mother in law this morning called simply, "Thorns." It was a forwarded email, there was no author, no signature and it is not one I have seen before. It has a lot of meaning, but have the Kleenex close by. I'm posting it for whoever.... Read the words carefully...
THORNS
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.
Troubles had multiplied.
Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended me? For an airbag that saved my life, but took my child's?"
"Good afternoon, can I help you?"
Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I . . . I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.
"For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, " she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"
"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."
Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."
Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer...
"Hi, Barbara, let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly s nipped: there were no flowers.
"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk.. Sandra watched - was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.
"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest.
Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with . . . uh . . . she left with no flowers!"
"That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery. That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel."
"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.
"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!' It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."
Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."
Just then someone else walked in the shop.
"Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man.
"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement . . twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.
"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"
"Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems.. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us."
As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"
"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too . . fresh."
"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love....Don't resent the thorns."
Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.
"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."
"Thank you. What do I owe you?"
"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart...The first year's arrangement is always on me."
The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."
It read: "My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."
Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns.
God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you.
"Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God."
We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and Duct tape.
God did it with nails.
THORNS
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.
Troubles had multiplied.
Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended me? For an airbag that saved my life, but took my child's?"
"Good afternoon, can I help you?"
Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I . . . I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.
"For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, " she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"
"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."
Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."
Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer...
"Hi, Barbara, let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly s nipped: there were no flowers.
"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk.. Sandra watched - was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.
"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest.
Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with . . . uh . . . she left with no flowers!"
"That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery. That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel."
"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.
"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!' It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."
Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."
Just then someone else walked in the shop.
"Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man.
"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement . . twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.
"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"
"Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems.. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us."
As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"
"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too . . fresh."
"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love....Don't resent the thorns."
Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.
"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."
"Thank you. What do I owe you?"
"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart...The first year's arrangement is always on me."
The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."
It read: "My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."
Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns.
God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you.
"Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God."
We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and Duct tape.
God did it with nails.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Things I know For Sure
There are some things I know for certain and they are the following:
I know that the Bible is God's Word and it doesn't contradict itself and all of it is important, not just what we choose to believe and follow.
I know that Jesus was the Word made man, and that it is a living word.
I know that Jesus died for my sins and rose again and that He sits at the right hand of God.
I know that God answers our prayers in His time, not ours, and by His will not ours.
I know that God never leaves our side. So if you are a child of God and doing things you shouldn't do, God is there with you watching, and you should feel guilty and convicted of your sins.
I also know that God forgives us, even when we are a Child of God and do things we shouldn't, but you need to get on your knees and ask for that forgiveness.
I know that God puts people in our path at the right time and when we need them the most.
I know that without a doubt, God brought my husband, Norman and I together, otherwise we would never have met.
I know that God has a plan for us.
I know that God will take care of us, no matter what.
I know that God loves me more than I will ever be able to understand.
I know that that my place in heaven is secure and that one day I will see everyone that I love, and that has died, again.
I know that He sees what is in my heart, and He knows what I need and want.
I know that if He comes back for me tomorrow, that I am ready. Are you?
John 3:16 (King James Version)
16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I know that the Bible is God's Word and it doesn't contradict itself and all of it is important, not just what we choose to believe and follow.
I know that Jesus was the Word made man, and that it is a living word.
I know that Jesus died for my sins and rose again and that He sits at the right hand of God.
I know that God answers our prayers in His time, not ours, and by His will not ours.
I know that God never leaves our side. So if you are a child of God and doing things you shouldn't do, God is there with you watching, and you should feel guilty and convicted of your sins.
I also know that God forgives us, even when we are a Child of God and do things we shouldn't, but you need to get on your knees and ask for that forgiveness.
I know that God puts people in our path at the right time and when we need them the most.
I know that without a doubt, God brought my husband, Norman and I together, otherwise we would never have met.
I know that God has a plan for us.
I know that God will take care of us, no matter what.
I know that God loves me more than I will ever be able to understand.
I know that that my place in heaven is secure and that one day I will see everyone that I love, and that has died, again.
I know that He sees what is in my heart, and He knows what I need and want.
I know that if He comes back for me tomorrow, that I am ready. Are you?
John 3:16 (King James Version)
16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Psalms 51:1-19 One of my readings from this week
I don't remember if it was Saturday that I read this or Monday morning. But for some reason this one struck deep in my heart. The sermon on Sunday by Bro. Robert seemed to go along with it. Bro. Robert talked about the joy we have the day we accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour and how some of us have lost that. We should all have a burning in our hearts, if we are children of God. This is the Amplified Bible Translation. May it Bless You and May you seek God's wisdom and guidance in your life. Love, L
1HAVE MERCY upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly [and repeatedly] from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!
3For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me.
4Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.(A)
5Behold, I was brought forth in [a state of] iniquity; my mother was sinful who conceived me [and I too am sinful].(B)
6Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.
7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean [ceremonially]; wash me, and I shall [in reality] be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted and return to You.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness and death, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness (Your rightness and Your justice).
15O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
16For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.(C)
17My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.
18Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then will You delight in the sacrifices of righteousness, justice, and right, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then bullocks will be offered upon Your altar.
Cross Reference
A.Psalm 51:4 : Rom 3:4
B.Psalm 51:5 : John 3:6; Rom 5:12; Eph 2:3
C.Psalm 51:16 : I Sam 15:22
1HAVE MERCY upon me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly [and repeatedly] from my iniquity and guilt and cleanse me and make me wholly pure from my sin!
3For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me.
4Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.(A)
5Behold, I was brought forth in [a state of] iniquity; my mother was sinful who conceived me [and I too am sinful].(B)
6Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.
7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean [ceremonially]; wash me, and I shall [in reality] be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted and return to You.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness and death, O God, the God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness (Your rightness and Your justice).
15O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
16For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.(C)
17My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.
18Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then will You delight in the sacrifices of righteousness, justice, and right, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering; then bullocks will be offered upon Your altar.
Cross Reference
A.Psalm 51:4 : Rom 3:4
B.Psalm 51:5 : John 3:6; Rom 5:12; Eph 2:3
C.Psalm 51:16 : I Sam 15:22
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Is God First?
As I sat this morning reading my bible and praying and talking with God, this question came into my mind, "Am I putting God first in all of my life?" As I prayed I asked for guidance and wisdom and the strength to live each day, one day at a time. I do that every time I pray because I am human, and I worry about things that I shouldn't. We as Christians should have faith in God to take care of us, and trust Him to take care of our needs, and not worry or rely solely on ourselves to handle our problems. We are instruct to give our burdens to Jesus, to live them at the cross and to follow Him. I try to do that every day, and it is hard. We want to fix things ourselves and honestly we as humans are not capable.
We forget that God is always with us, during the bad and during the good. So why is it we only pray the hardest when things are bad? Because when things are good we think we are doing that and therefore we don't think we need Jesus.
That is incorrect of course. We need Jesus all the time and when things are going right, that means He is there handling things, because let's face it, when we try to take care of things on our own, we mess them up and most of the time cause more issues. When things are right we should be thanking Him above all else and praising Him for what He is doing. It is from the wisdom and knowledge that Jesus gives us that we do what is right. Is is an easy life to trust fully in Jesus? To have faith that He will answer our needs? No it is not easy and when we do start to rely solely on Him, Satan is going to make our lives harder and throw obstacles upon obstacles in our way.
Don't give up. For He that is within us is more powerful than he that is in the World. I read that verse in the bible this morning, but don't ask me where. I read about six chapters this morning and I realized a lot when I was reading. What might you ask?
1) I am not good at reading my bible daily. Actually I suck at it. So as of today, that is a new priority.
2) I do pray almost every day, but lately have been lax. So as of today, that too is a priority.
3) Do I put God first? Well I try to most of the time. But what I realized today, is that I have been praying for Him to help me to use my writing to make an income, but I am not doing my part. So as of today, until I get my website to where I want it to be, and my writing income where I want it to be, no more playing on Face book.
4) I know the two great commandments, but do I obey them all the time. I guess the honest answer to that would be no. Although I am going through recovery for a lot of things, alcohol being the least of those, I still have issues. I do hold grudges, and I have been judgemental and those are things I struggle with constantly.
So as of today, I am going to try to be totally honest with myself and I am going to strive to be a better Christian and obey the two great commandments. Will I succeed? Only time will tell and as I grow in my walk with Jesus, I hope to succeed without stumbling. However, I do know that when I do stumble, I can go to God, and He will pick me up, wipe the dirt from my knees and love me anyway. He will never forsake me or leave me.
I hope that some how in my blog post that I reach the hearts of other Christians, and maybe those that are lost. Christians struggle every day to live for Christ. It is not an easy walk, and no one ever said it was going to be. May all who read this be truly blessed by God, Seek Him in your life, and place Him before anything and everyone else. My Jesus is first! My husband comes second!. Love, L.
We forget that God is always with us, during the bad and during the good. So why is it we only pray the hardest when things are bad? Because when things are good we think we are doing that and therefore we don't think we need Jesus.
That is incorrect of course. We need Jesus all the time and when things are going right, that means He is there handling things, because let's face it, when we try to take care of things on our own, we mess them up and most of the time cause more issues. When things are right we should be thanking Him above all else and praising Him for what He is doing. It is from the wisdom and knowledge that Jesus gives us that we do what is right. Is is an easy life to trust fully in Jesus? To have faith that He will answer our needs? No it is not easy and when we do start to rely solely on Him, Satan is going to make our lives harder and throw obstacles upon obstacles in our way.
Don't give up. For He that is within us is more powerful than he that is in the World. I read that verse in the bible this morning, but don't ask me where. I read about six chapters this morning and I realized a lot when I was reading. What might you ask?
1) I am not good at reading my bible daily. Actually I suck at it. So as of today, that is a new priority.
2) I do pray almost every day, but lately have been lax. So as of today, that too is a priority.
3) Do I put God first? Well I try to most of the time. But what I realized today, is that I have been praying for Him to help me to use my writing to make an income, but I am not doing my part. So as of today, until I get my website to where I want it to be, and my writing income where I want it to be, no more playing on Face book.
4) I know the two great commandments, but do I obey them all the time. I guess the honest answer to that would be no. Although I am going through recovery for a lot of things, alcohol being the least of those, I still have issues. I do hold grudges, and I have been judgemental and those are things I struggle with constantly.
So as of today, I am going to try to be totally honest with myself and I am going to strive to be a better Christian and obey the two great commandments. Will I succeed? Only time will tell and as I grow in my walk with Jesus, I hope to succeed without stumbling. However, I do know that when I do stumble, I can go to God, and He will pick me up, wipe the dirt from my knees and love me anyway. He will never forsake me or leave me.
I hope that some how in my blog post that I reach the hearts of other Christians, and maybe those that are lost. Christians struggle every day to live for Christ. It is not an easy walk, and no one ever said it was going to be. May all who read this be truly blessed by God, Seek Him in your life, and place Him before anything and everyone else. My Jesus is first! My husband comes second!. Love, L.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Chrisitan Movies
My husband and I don't have cable television but we do belong to Netflix and we rent from block buster express. We were quite surprised this last week when one of the movies we rented turned out to be one that was made by Sherwood Church in California. The name of the movie is "To Save A Life" or "Save a Life". It is about young boy that is a senior in high school and how his starting to go to church transforms his life.
The movie does contain some cursing which when we found out it was produced by church shocked us just a little. Nothing outrageous but some. It centers mainly on the youth at this church and the background and problems of the students and how the young boy takes a stand as a christian to make a difference.
I wish we all had the strength and courage to do this.... but alas, we let the world dictate who we send our religious emails to, our religious view in blogs to, and who we share our testimony of faith with or so it seems.
Writing is a gift I was given by God and I have been writing for years and I just keep honing my skills. My writing dream is to be a published writer. I would love to write for a Christian website and to get a book with a Christian base published. I want to reach others and bring them closer to Jesus.
If you have seen other movies like Fireproof, Left Behind, Apocalypse, and this one to Save a life, share them in your comments. I love watching these types of movies and sharing my views on Christianity.
Be Blessed! Have a God Filled Day! Love, L
The movie does contain some cursing which when we found out it was produced by church shocked us just a little. Nothing outrageous but some. It centers mainly on the youth at this church and the background and problems of the students and how the young boy takes a stand as a christian to make a difference.
I wish we all had the strength and courage to do this.... but alas, we let the world dictate who we send our religious emails to, our religious view in blogs to, and who we share our testimony of faith with or so it seems.
Writing is a gift I was given by God and I have been writing for years and I just keep honing my skills. My writing dream is to be a published writer. I would love to write for a Christian website and to get a book with a Christian base published. I want to reach others and bring them closer to Jesus.
If you have seen other movies like Fireproof, Left Behind, Apocalypse, and this one to Save a life, share them in your comments. I love watching these types of movies and sharing my views on Christianity.
Be Blessed! Have a God Filled Day! Love, L
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Trust and Faith in God
I am not sure I can put this in terms that make sense to anyone other than me. Sometimes I think God uses my dreams to send me messages (okay stop laughing). When I dream I hear worship and praise songs in my dreams, I don't see people or hear people most of the time. This happens more than not lately. However, I still fight my demons in some of my dreams.
I've been trying to trust God more and rely strictly on Him for our needs, my needs and I try to build my faith in Him by reading His word, studying His word and praying daily if not more than once a day. I know that God is working in our life and I know that He will provide what we need, when we needed, but is that the end? Does God grant us or provide us with some of our dreams? I've been listening to some CD's that talks about having faith in God and that your dreams or life goals will come to pass. One of the scriptures that is quoted is Habakkuk 2:2-4 (Amplified Bible)
2And the Lord answered me and said, Write the vision and engrave it so plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may [be able to] read [it easily and quickly] as he hastens by.
3For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day.
4Look at the proud; his soul is not straight or right within him, but the [rigidly] just and the [uncompromisingly] righteous man shall [a]live by his faith and in his faithfulness.
So I took this to heart and wrote down 19 things that I want to see happen in my lifetime. I have even put dates down. One of the things I wrote down, did not come to pass and that is okay, because I am pretty sure that God will send me where I need to be.
In my dream last night it was almost like one of those secret agent movies. I don't remember the worship/praise song that was running through my head, but it was quite plain in the dream that God was telling me to Trust Him and have unwavering Faith and that although I was being tested, things would come to pass. In the dream, it was someone who was suppose to be me and may have been, and another agent. The control person looked at me and said, "Push the blue button." The button would set off a bomb and blow up the building. The other half of my team was in the building. It was a test of Faith. I stood there but for a second, because the controller (God) said push the button. I pushed the button, the building exploded and the rest of my team emerged unhurt.
Okay I know you are rolling on the floor laughing but it was so real in the dream. Was God talking to me? Is He about to ask me to step out in Faith? I don't know. The question is can I do it. I think so.
So I know this post is kind of weird and no I don't need to be committed. However, I wonder if and how God talks to other people. I know He does or otherwise we wouldn't do the things we do. Right?
I hope you all don't think I'm crazy and if you do, so be it. I know that God is leading me and my faith grows stronger everyday. Recovery is teaching me to Trust and I am trying to Trust with all my heart. God is there for me when no one else is.... remember that in your life as well. Love, L.
I've been trying to trust God more and rely strictly on Him for our needs, my needs and I try to build my faith in Him by reading His word, studying His word and praying daily if not more than once a day. I know that God is working in our life and I know that He will provide what we need, when we needed, but is that the end? Does God grant us or provide us with some of our dreams? I've been listening to some CD's that talks about having faith in God and that your dreams or life goals will come to pass. One of the scriptures that is quoted is Habakkuk 2:2-4 (Amplified Bible)
2And the Lord answered me and said, Write the vision and engrave it so plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may [be able to] read [it easily and quickly] as he hastens by.
3For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day.
4Look at the proud; his soul is not straight or right within him, but the [rigidly] just and the [uncompromisingly] righteous man shall [a]live by his faith and in his faithfulness.
So I took this to heart and wrote down 19 things that I want to see happen in my lifetime. I have even put dates down. One of the things I wrote down, did not come to pass and that is okay, because I am pretty sure that God will send me where I need to be.
In my dream last night it was almost like one of those secret agent movies. I don't remember the worship/praise song that was running through my head, but it was quite plain in the dream that God was telling me to Trust Him and have unwavering Faith and that although I was being tested, things would come to pass. In the dream, it was someone who was suppose to be me and may have been, and another agent. The control person looked at me and said, "Push the blue button." The button would set off a bomb and blow up the building. The other half of my team was in the building. It was a test of Faith. I stood there but for a second, because the controller (God) said push the button. I pushed the button, the building exploded and the rest of my team emerged unhurt.
Okay I know you are rolling on the floor laughing but it was so real in the dream. Was God talking to me? Is He about to ask me to step out in Faith? I don't know. The question is can I do it. I think so.
So I know this post is kind of weird and no I don't need to be committed. However, I wonder if and how God talks to other people. I know He does or otherwise we wouldn't do the things we do. Right?
I hope you all don't think I'm crazy and if you do, so be it. I know that God is leading me and my faith grows stronger everyday. Recovery is teaching me to Trust and I am trying to Trust with all my heart. God is there for me when no one else is.... remember that in your life as well. Love, L.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Gossip
I have a question for everyone out there, and that is when is gossip not gossip? The only time you can know what you are hearing is true, is when you hear it directly from the person themselves. If you hear it from anyone else, technically it is gossip. The only exception I know is if it is within your own family and you are hearing it from someone very close to the person that said it. Even then I'm not sure it is not gossip.
Gossip is something that none of us should ever take part in. The person it is about or the people it is about are the ones that truly get hurt. If someone starts to tell you something about someone and it is just here say, walk away, or say "Stop. I don't want to hear it." It's like walking up to a group and they are telling off color jokes, if you take part, you are sinning. As Christians we need to take a more aggressive approach to people that spread gossip, dirty jokes or things they are not sure about, yet they are repeating it.
If it is one of our brothers or sisters in Christ, we need to tell them that they are not acting right. We should not spread stories or start rumors or repeat rumors. We do more damage than you can ever imagine. If you hear something about someone, as the person that has just stated it where they heard it from or walk away or go to the person it is about. Sometimes it is just a misconstrued story or statement or maybe a remark that was made. Gossip can do enough damage to a person that they may walk away from the church or something they truly enjoy.
Another thing is this, if we are told something by someone we trust, and you are uncomfortable, ask them where they heard it or ask them if you can verify it with the person who made the statement. It maybe that someone has been hurt by something you said or maybe they are trying to get back at you for something you did. You may not even realize that you have hurt, or offended someone. It is always better to go directly to the source of the remarks, statement or stories, then taking it at face value.
We should be able to trust our sisters and brother in Christ and our friends and families, but there maybe those occasions when someone is mad at you or upset with you and may want revenge. If that is the case, ask them to forgive you and you forgive them. Your life will be much better in the long run. Letting something that has been said continue to aggravate you or bother you, just festers and makes the situation even worse.
God is full of grace, mercy, forgiveness and love and so should we. We are to walk in the ways of the Lord, and try to be holy and Christ like. Spreading gossip, unverified truths or stories is not walking in the way of the Lord. Remember that they next time someone starts to share something with you. May you be Blessed by the Grace of God. To build your faith, you must be in the Word daily... constantly, without rest. Love, L.
Gossip is something that none of us should ever take part in. The person it is about or the people it is about are the ones that truly get hurt. If someone starts to tell you something about someone and it is just here say, walk away, or say "Stop. I don't want to hear it." It's like walking up to a group and they are telling off color jokes, if you take part, you are sinning. As Christians we need to take a more aggressive approach to people that spread gossip, dirty jokes or things they are not sure about, yet they are repeating it.
If it is one of our brothers or sisters in Christ, we need to tell them that they are not acting right. We should not spread stories or start rumors or repeat rumors. We do more damage than you can ever imagine. If you hear something about someone, as the person that has just stated it where they heard it from or walk away or go to the person it is about. Sometimes it is just a misconstrued story or statement or maybe a remark that was made. Gossip can do enough damage to a person that they may walk away from the church or something they truly enjoy.
Another thing is this, if we are told something by someone we trust, and you are uncomfortable, ask them where they heard it or ask them if you can verify it with the person who made the statement. It maybe that someone has been hurt by something you said or maybe they are trying to get back at you for something you did. You may not even realize that you have hurt, or offended someone. It is always better to go directly to the source of the remarks, statement or stories, then taking it at face value.
We should be able to trust our sisters and brother in Christ and our friends and families, but there maybe those occasions when someone is mad at you or upset with you and may want revenge. If that is the case, ask them to forgive you and you forgive them. Your life will be much better in the long run. Letting something that has been said continue to aggravate you or bother you, just festers and makes the situation even worse.
God is full of grace, mercy, forgiveness and love and so should we. We are to walk in the ways of the Lord, and try to be holy and Christ like. Spreading gossip, unverified truths or stories is not walking in the way of the Lord. Remember that they next time someone starts to share something with you. May you be Blessed by the Grace of God. To build your faith, you must be in the Word daily... constantly, without rest. Love, L.
Friday, October 15, 2010
A Few Things
Recovery Meeting Last Night
I attended my recovery group meeting last night and it had been two weeks since I had last attended. It was a good meeting, sharing and we are working on HOPE in our books. We always open with a prayer and close with a prayer. It wasn't as large a meeting last night as we have had before. I usually love the meetings and it wasn't that I didn't love the meeting last night, but there was an awful lot of over talking last night. We didn't even really get through the question we were working on in the book last night. That is okay too! I guess I was just needing more last night and I didn't get what I needed last night. I know It's not all about me.
I've not picked up my books for more than a month, until last night and we as a group are working on the first book. I, as an individual, am working on the third book. It may take me a long time to finish that book. It deals with making amends, asking for forgiveness and confronting those that have hurt me. This is a necessary step, but I'm not sure I can do it, and I know I definitely can't do it without Jesus Christ beside me.
I still pray the prayers in the books about my hurts, hangups, habits and compulsive obsessive addictions. I still pray for Jesus to take them, cure me, fix me and make me whole. I love the joy in my heart, but my peace seems to be gone. I prayed this morning for it to come back and be restored. I know my Jesus will fix me, cure me and restore me. My faith is such that I don't have to see to believe and I know He will fulfill my needs, desires and wants. My God is Awesome, Strong, and He can set you free.
We had revival this week with Dr. David Allen doing the services at night. He gave us a powerful prayer to pray this week, and I will never stop. I posted this under my status this morning on Facebook and will now share it here: Jesus do anything in me that You need to do, in order to do everything through me You want to do. Amen.
Think about that sentence.. Then pray earnestly with a humble heart. God will answer, but be prepared for the answer. Love, L
People & Personalities
We as human beings, wear many different hats in our lives. As a woman, I am a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, wife, daughter in law, cousin, and niece, but I also wear these hats, janitor, teacher, maid, bookkeeper, writer, student, landscaper, cook, trainer, laundress, friend, confidant, nurse, and I believe the list can go on forever. The one title that is most important to me is Christian and Child of God.
I realize that with each hat we wear, we can be a little different. For the most part, I try to be the same person with all hats because the hat that I never take off is the one "Child of God." Because of that hat, that is the person I want every one to see whether I am at church, praising God, at home, at the grocery store, cleaning, doing yard work or just living day to day. I have a hard time understand why our personalities change because of what we are doing, or where we are working. It doesn't make sense to me! I know it happens, because when I was in Corporate America I was different than when I was at home. But should we be? Why is it necessary for us to be one person at church and another at home, or in the world?
Any thoughts? Comments? Have a Blessed & God Filled Day! Love, L.
I attended my recovery group meeting last night and it had been two weeks since I had last attended. It was a good meeting, sharing and we are working on HOPE in our books. We always open with a prayer and close with a prayer. It wasn't as large a meeting last night as we have had before. I usually love the meetings and it wasn't that I didn't love the meeting last night, but there was an awful lot of over talking last night. We didn't even really get through the question we were working on in the book last night. That is okay too! I guess I was just needing more last night and I didn't get what I needed last night. I know It's not all about me.
I've not picked up my books for more than a month, until last night and we as a group are working on the first book. I, as an individual, am working on the third book. It may take me a long time to finish that book. It deals with making amends, asking for forgiveness and confronting those that have hurt me. This is a necessary step, but I'm not sure I can do it, and I know I definitely can't do it without Jesus Christ beside me.
I still pray the prayers in the books about my hurts, hangups, habits and compulsive obsessive addictions. I still pray for Jesus to take them, cure me, fix me and make me whole. I love the joy in my heart, but my peace seems to be gone. I prayed this morning for it to come back and be restored. I know my Jesus will fix me, cure me and restore me. My faith is such that I don't have to see to believe and I know He will fulfill my needs, desires and wants. My God is Awesome, Strong, and He can set you free.
We had revival this week with Dr. David Allen doing the services at night. He gave us a powerful prayer to pray this week, and I will never stop. I posted this under my status this morning on Facebook and will now share it here: Jesus do anything in me that You need to do, in order to do everything through me You want to do. Amen.
Think about that sentence.. Then pray earnestly with a humble heart. God will answer, but be prepared for the answer. Love, L
People & Personalities
We as human beings, wear many different hats in our lives. As a woman, I am a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, wife, daughter in law, cousin, and niece, but I also wear these hats, janitor, teacher, maid, bookkeeper, writer, student, landscaper, cook, trainer, laundress, friend, confidant, nurse, and I believe the list can go on forever. The one title that is most important to me is Christian and Child of God.
I realize that with each hat we wear, we can be a little different. For the most part, I try to be the same person with all hats because the hat that I never take off is the one "Child of God." Because of that hat, that is the person I want every one to see whether I am at church, praising God, at home, at the grocery store, cleaning, doing yard work or just living day to day. I have a hard time understand why our personalities change because of what we are doing, or where we are working. It doesn't make sense to me! I know it happens, because when I was in Corporate America I was different than when I was at home. But should we be? Why is it necessary for us to be one person at church and another at home, or in the world?
Any thoughts? Comments? Have a Blessed & God Filled Day! Love, L.
Monday, October 11, 2010
October 11, 2010 - Monday Evening
It has been awhile since I've posted anything and to be honest, I'm not sure exactly what to write about tonight. I am dealing with some things that are threatening my joy, and I'm praying for God to rid me of the issues or things or whatever you want to call it. I've had many negative thoughts in the last month, and I have lost some of the joy I had, but know that all this is in God's hands. I've been neglecting writing in my journal and have let people and things get between God and me. Today is only the second time in a two week period that I have started and completed my journal entry in a single sitting.
I feel that God is closing a door and about to open up a new one. I'm ready for that! I want my peace back and I don't feel it or have it completely right now. It is sad when a single tiny thing can disrupt your whole being like it has done. I know I need to let it go and let God. I've written in my journal, prayed and handed it to Him, only to pick it up again. Why you ask? Because I'm put back in front of it constantly.
I have had an issue with "Trust" for many years. It comes back from things in my past and even though I'm much better than I was, I still have issues with trusting and if I'm betrayed, I can't give the person a 100% of my loyalty because of the betrayal. That probably doesn't make sense. Anyway, I am making an effort to attend my recovery meeting this week. I'm still sober, nothing to drink, but a piece of the old me did show up in the last few weeks. I don't want that person back. I'm not that person, and it makes my heart hurt, that I have let an incident bring up those old feelings.
I will continue to pray and ask for God's guidance and wisdom to get me through all of this. My sponsor is helping and I need to learn to call her when I need to talk. May you all have a God Filled Day and be Blessed by God's grace and mercy. Love, L.
I feel that God is closing a door and about to open up a new one. I'm ready for that! I want my peace back and I don't feel it or have it completely right now. It is sad when a single tiny thing can disrupt your whole being like it has done. I know I need to let it go and let God. I've written in my journal, prayed and handed it to Him, only to pick it up again. Why you ask? Because I'm put back in front of it constantly.
I have had an issue with "Trust" for many years. It comes back from things in my past and even though I'm much better than I was, I still have issues with trusting and if I'm betrayed, I can't give the person a 100% of my loyalty because of the betrayal. That probably doesn't make sense. Anyway, I am making an effort to attend my recovery meeting this week. I'm still sober, nothing to drink, but a piece of the old me did show up in the last few weeks. I don't want that person back. I'm not that person, and it makes my heart hurt, that I have let an incident bring up those old feelings.
I will continue to pray and ask for God's guidance and wisdom to get me through all of this. My sponsor is helping and I need to learn to call her when I need to talk. May you all have a God Filled Day and be Blessed by God's grace and mercy. Love, L.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Self Inventory Completed
I shared my self inventory this week with my sponsor. It was very good and cleansing and she pointed out some things I've never thought about, which was good. I am now ready to move on to the forgiving, making amends and confronting those that have hurt me in the past, or at least those that it won't hurt. This step may take some while because the books say to wait until the timing is right. I'm praying for Jesus to show me those times and to help me make these amends.
One thing else I discovered is this, I will overcome what I started recovery for in the first place which wasn't drugs, alcohol or and addiction like that, it was to deal with the hurts, hangups and habits from my past. It was dealing with the feelings of betrayal by people I trusted, who turned me to not trusting. Recovery is never ending. You may succeed in overcoming some addiction or habit, but there will be things in your life that cause issues, but with recovery you have to the tools to overcome and it never gets to the point where you started recovery to begin with.
The meetings are what gets you through. Yes the books are essential, but sharing and knowing that there are other people that maybe experiencing what you are, is very helpful. You are not judged on what you did, how you dress or what you say. It is wonderful! You walk in and are immediately welcomed and you can feel God moving and working.
I know that God sent me there for a reason, and I will be to the point where I can help others through their journey soon. May God Bless you all! Have a God filled day! I do every day! Love, L
One thing else I discovered is this, I will overcome what I started recovery for in the first place which wasn't drugs, alcohol or and addiction like that, it was to deal with the hurts, hangups and habits from my past. It was dealing with the feelings of betrayal by people I trusted, who turned me to not trusting. Recovery is never ending. You may succeed in overcoming some addiction or habit, but there will be things in your life that cause issues, but with recovery you have to the tools to overcome and it never gets to the point where you started recovery to begin with.
The meetings are what gets you through. Yes the books are essential, but sharing and knowing that there are other people that maybe experiencing what you are, is very helpful. You are not judged on what you did, how you dress or what you say. It is wonderful! You walk in and are immediately welcomed and you can feel God moving and working.
I know that God sent me there for a reason, and I will be to the point where I can help others through their journey soon. May God Bless you all! Have a God filled day! I do every day! Love, L
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Beneath The Cleansing Flood - August 29th, 2010
Spiritual hymns have such hidden wisdom sometimes or maybe it is that as new Christians or new church goers we just don't really understand. One of my old favorites is Victory in Jesus. As a new Christian or as a 12 year old, I just didn't really understand the song, but after today (8-29-10) it has a great meaning in my life. I was plunged beneath the cleansing flood and the feeling of the water washing over me, and the Holy Spirit inside was just more than I will ever be able to put down on paper, so to speak...
One of my new favorites is Heaven Came Down. If you don't know the song, look it up or listen to the play list. I added it and it is being sung by Brad Paisley. It is wonderful! Another that holds a special place in my heart is When we All Get to Heaven. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be in Heaven when I leave this world and journey to the next. If you have doubts or have never met Jesus, there is no time like the present. There's a number 1 best seller that will show you all you need to know and about how to have Jesus in your life. It is called the Holy Bible. Pick it up and read it from cover to cover. However, before you start, pray for guidance and wisdom and understanding.
What? You don't know how to pray.. It's quite simple. It's just like talking to your best friend. You say, "Jesus help me, guide me as I read your holy word. Give me the wisdom and knowledge to understand your teachings. In your precious name, Jesus, Amen." It doesn't get any simpler than that.. May God Bless you in ways beyond your belief... Love, L
One of my new favorites is Heaven Came Down. If you don't know the song, look it up or listen to the play list. I added it and it is being sung by Brad Paisley. It is wonderful! Another that holds a special place in my heart is When we All Get to Heaven. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be in Heaven when I leave this world and journey to the next. If you have doubts or have never met Jesus, there is no time like the present. There's a number 1 best seller that will show you all you need to know and about how to have Jesus in your life. It is called the Holy Bible. Pick it up and read it from cover to cover. However, before you start, pray for guidance and wisdom and understanding.
What? You don't know how to pray.. It's quite simple. It's just like talking to your best friend. You say, "Jesus help me, guide me as I read your holy word. Give me the wisdom and knowledge to understand your teachings. In your precious name, Jesus, Amen." It doesn't get any simpler than that.. May God Bless you in ways beyond your belief... Love, L
Sunday, August 22, 2010
A step in my journey
As I travel down this road called recovery a lot has been revealed to me. I find that God is always with me and I can't soak up enough of His word. I find myself searching scripture and reading everything I can get my hands on to learn as much as possible. I love that God has so filled my soul and my life. I feel the joy I had when I was twelve and first accepted Him as my Lord and Savior.
In the last month, after writing my self inventory, I re-dedicated my life to the Lord. I give control of my life every day to God and pray that He will use me in His service to do whatever He wants me to do, where ever He wants me to service, however He wants to use me and whenever He wants me to serve. I received an answer to part of that this last week. I will be teaching 3 year olds two days a week at the Church's Day school. I love that I have a chance to impact these young lives. I know that this is a step in preparing me to do more of the Lord's work. I don't know what it will be, where it will be, or when it will be, but I know that I am His to use.
With my re-dedication to Him, I feel so brand new, that I want all of me to be brand new. Even on days when things my not be the best, the joy I feel deep inside is so fresh and wonderful, that I can't help but have a spring in my step, a song on my lips and my mind, and usually a smile or a grin on my face.
So this week I told the Pastor that with my journey through recovery, and my re-dedication to my Lord, that I wanted to be baptized again. He smiled at me and said, "You want to show Him you are serious huh?" "Yes". So Next Sunday, August the 29th, I will once again pushed beneath the cleansing flood or so the song says. I will come up a new person on the outside to match the new person I am on the inside.
Some of you may not understand this request, but the joy I feel knowing that the Lord is working with me and through me is indescribable!!!!! I want everyone to see what God has done in my life, and what He is continuing to do on a daily basis. If I can just help one person, see the mercy and grace of God and lead them to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, then I know that one lost soul has been saved from the depths of hell, and will only know physical death and not eternal death.
I hope others that read this blog will see that there is help and most of all there is hope out there. God is there always and He can work miracles, even when you think there is no way. Trust in Him. Have Faith and Seek the Face of the Lord.
May you all have a God Filled Life. I do now and my journey is just beginning. Love, L
In the last month, after writing my self inventory, I re-dedicated my life to the Lord. I give control of my life every day to God and pray that He will use me in His service to do whatever He wants me to do, where ever He wants me to service, however He wants to use me and whenever He wants me to serve. I received an answer to part of that this last week. I will be teaching 3 year olds two days a week at the Church's Day school. I love that I have a chance to impact these young lives. I know that this is a step in preparing me to do more of the Lord's work. I don't know what it will be, where it will be, or when it will be, but I know that I am His to use.
With my re-dedication to Him, I feel so brand new, that I want all of me to be brand new. Even on days when things my not be the best, the joy I feel deep inside is so fresh and wonderful, that I can't help but have a spring in my step, a song on my lips and my mind, and usually a smile or a grin on my face.
So this week I told the Pastor that with my journey through recovery, and my re-dedication to my Lord, that I wanted to be baptized again. He smiled at me and said, "You want to show Him you are serious huh?" "Yes". So Next Sunday, August the 29th, I will once again pushed beneath the cleansing flood or so the song says. I will come up a new person on the outside to match the new person I am on the inside.
Some of you may not understand this request, but the joy I feel knowing that the Lord is working with me and through me is indescribable!!!!! I want everyone to see what God has done in my life, and what He is continuing to do on a daily basis. If I can just help one person, see the mercy and grace of God and lead them to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, then I know that one lost soul has been saved from the depths of hell, and will only know physical death and not eternal death.
I hope others that read this blog will see that there is help and most of all there is hope out there. God is there always and He can work miracles, even when you think there is no way. Trust in Him. Have Faith and Seek the Face of the Lord.
May you all have a God Filled Life. I do now and my journey is just beginning. Love, L
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
God Sees You Through
There is no place you go mentally or physically that God is not with you. He knows your heart and thoughts before you do. If you are a child of God, if you have asked Jesus to live in your heart, He never leaves your side. You cannot lose your salvation. You may commit sins, but if you are truly a child of God you strive to be as perfect as possible. If you do commit some sin, humble your heart and ask God to forgive you of those sins. ONLY one perfect person has walked this earth and He was crucified.
The last few months have been kind of rough. I'm working my way through recovery and I can see a difference every day in my life. My relationship with God is growing by leaps and bounds. I'm like a sponge and cannot soak up enough of His word. My relationship with my husband has always been wonderful, but it is even better, because now I see God working in our lives and bringing us closer to Him, and growing us to do His work. My relationship with my family has changed as well. I think the relationship that I thought was broken, isn't and never was, but my perception was skewed. (Probably didn't make a lick of sense). I know that they will forgive me, and I know that God has already forgiven me as well.
I pray every day for a chance to do something to glorify God. I want Him to take my life and use it however, whenever, where ever, doing whatever He needs me to do. I pray this every day as I turn control of my life over to Him.
Attending recovery and working through the guides has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It is easier to see people that proclaim to be Christians, not really acting as Christians than it was before. I know we are not to judge, that is in God's hands. I also know that if we see our brother doing something wrong we are to approach him, but never alone. I think this is where I messed up.
It is hard when you love and care for someone to point out something that they are doing is wrong, or the way they are acting is not appropriate, or the things they are saying is negative and derrogatory. It is especially if they are a child of God and they are not being the Christian they proclaim to be. I only want my family and friends to experience God. I want to know that when they leave this world that I will see them in Heaven, or that I will be waiting for them when they pass from this world.
There is no battle too big for GOD. There is no battle too small for GOD. He will see you through the rough times, the sad times, the painful things that life throws and He is there for the happy times as well. Let God see you through.. Just ask Jesus into your heart. Believe and know that He was born of a virgin, was crucified and died and rose again on the third day so that we might have eternal life. Don't wait until it is too late.. When is it too late??? When you stand before Him and He looks in the book of life and says, "I do not know you child."
Are you a child of God? Have you strayed from the straight and narrow path? Humble yourself before God, give Him your heart and ask for His forgiveness of your sins. Spend eternity with Jesus. I am.
The last few months have been kind of rough. I'm working my way through recovery and I can see a difference every day in my life. My relationship with God is growing by leaps and bounds. I'm like a sponge and cannot soak up enough of His word. My relationship with my husband has always been wonderful, but it is even better, because now I see God working in our lives and bringing us closer to Him, and growing us to do His work. My relationship with my family has changed as well. I think the relationship that I thought was broken, isn't and never was, but my perception was skewed. (Probably didn't make a lick of sense). I know that they will forgive me, and I know that God has already forgiven me as well.
I pray every day for a chance to do something to glorify God. I want Him to take my life and use it however, whenever, where ever, doing whatever He needs me to do. I pray this every day as I turn control of my life over to Him.
Attending recovery and working through the guides has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It is easier to see people that proclaim to be Christians, not really acting as Christians than it was before. I know we are not to judge, that is in God's hands. I also know that if we see our brother doing something wrong we are to approach him, but never alone. I think this is where I messed up.
It is hard when you love and care for someone to point out something that they are doing is wrong, or the way they are acting is not appropriate, or the things they are saying is negative and derrogatory. It is especially if they are a child of God and they are not being the Christian they proclaim to be. I only want my family and friends to experience God. I want to know that when they leave this world that I will see them in Heaven, or that I will be waiting for them when they pass from this world.
There is no battle too big for GOD. There is no battle too small for GOD. He will see you through the rough times, the sad times, the painful things that life throws and He is there for the happy times as well. Let God see you through.. Just ask Jesus into your heart. Believe and know that He was born of a virgin, was crucified and died and rose again on the third day so that we might have eternal life. Don't wait until it is too late.. When is it too late??? When you stand before Him and He looks in the book of life and says, "I do not know you child."
Are you a child of God? Have you strayed from the straight and narrow path? Humble yourself before God, give Him your heart and ask for His forgiveness of your sins. Spend eternity with Jesus. I am.
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Awesomeness of God (I know that is probably now a Word)
Okay, All I can say is WOW!!!! Sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in and for you to have one of those Ah Ha moments in your life, but I recently had one of those.... Like Saturday night... and it was all because I tried to do something before God was ready for me to do it. The end of the week was really horrendous, but I tried really hard not to dwell on a couple of things that happened and I did okay. I've been praying for weeks now, giving God control of my life every morning, asking for strength and energy to face each day, one day at a time, and I've also prayed giving Him my life to use as He sees fit, in whatever His will might be. I've had really really good days, and weeks. My relationship and walk with God has grown immensely. It seems I learn something new each and every day. I can't soak up enough of God's word, and I find myself reading more and more... I'm actually reading a book on Basic Theology now as well and for those of you who don't know, I've been attending recovery and working through some participant's guide.
Today I finished the second guide, but yesterday afternoon, I was finally able to sit down and finish my self-inventory of my past, my hurts, hangups, habits and addictive compulsive behavior. It is very exhausting when you take an inventory of your life... although mine may not be as bad as some or as good as others, it was bad for me. Every one's life is different, and as discussed in the last meeting there is a wide road or the straight and narrow path that you can choose. A lot of us at some point in our life, travel that wide road and it takes a lot for us to get back on the straight and narrow. My husband has been wonderful through this journey with me. He attends meetings when he can, but he is always there to answer a bible question or help me find scripture or just to listen and hold me when I cry. There have been days when I couldn't have made it without him and I definitely could make it without GOD!.
So here's my revelation that I want to share. After completing my inventory, I realized that there are going to be people who don't know that they have hurt me or know that they have hurt me but don't care, even though they proclaim to be Christian and then there are going to be those that even though I approach them to ask for forgiveness or to forgive them, they are going to turn their backs or laugh in my face and I'm okay with that, because at that point I have done all I can do. I've forgiven myself and Jesus has forgiven me. From that point forward it is between them and God.
I still have to complete my journey down my road to recovery and I know that I am well on my way to the end as well as on my way to a deeper relationship with my Jesus. I'm hope to complete my guides soon, but even then, I will probably not stop going to meetings. I love being around people who accept you for who you are, don't expect anything, and are always happy to see you no matter what. I've made several friends, and lots of acquaintances and will probably have more before it is all said and done. I'm starting to trust people again, but it is still fragile, but I know God is there and I can trust Him to take care of me and help me to triumph.
Here is some more testimony that I know I'm on the right track. Last night we were not having regular church service. We had a concert by Harmony Quartet. I didn't really want to go. My leg had been hurting since Saturday and after the morning service it kept kind of going out so to speak. I would be able to stand for two or three minutes but then it would be okay. Anyway, I told Norman that I really didn't want to go. All he said was that you will miss a blessing. So being a dutiful wife, I got up and dressed to come back to church, and I'm glad I did. It was an Ah ha moment for sure. The group was awesome! Wonderful voices, singing some old hymns, song they had written and then the bass player sang a song. It was at that moment, that God said, "This is for you. Listen closely my child." I get goosebumps or Godbumps as my sister calls them, thinking about it now. The name of the song is, "Grace one more time." It talks about walking down the road one day and sin was in the way and instead of going around, it couldn't be avoided. It says as I cried and tears streamed down, I felt the warm hand of my savior and as he held my face and wiped my tears away, he said I am with you my child, now go and please me, and He gave me grace one more time.
GOD is always there to pick us up when we needed to be held. There to carry us when can no longer go on. I know that without a doubt He has big plans for me. My husband says that right now, we are being called to service at Emory Baptist. He is right. I know that we are suppose to be there, not exactly what for yet, but God will reveal in His time. I hope this blog gives others hope and shows that no matter what God's grace is sufficient and it doesn't matter what you have done; He will forgive you. If you are not one of God's children, I pray that you will ask Him into your heart, and that you will see the light of His grace and the love of serving Him. May you have a God Filled Day. Love, L
Today I finished the second guide, but yesterday afternoon, I was finally able to sit down and finish my self-inventory of my past, my hurts, hangups, habits and addictive compulsive behavior. It is very exhausting when you take an inventory of your life... although mine may not be as bad as some or as good as others, it was bad for me. Every one's life is different, and as discussed in the last meeting there is a wide road or the straight and narrow path that you can choose. A lot of us at some point in our life, travel that wide road and it takes a lot for us to get back on the straight and narrow. My husband has been wonderful through this journey with me. He attends meetings when he can, but he is always there to answer a bible question or help me find scripture or just to listen and hold me when I cry. There have been days when I couldn't have made it without him and I definitely could make it without GOD!.
So here's my revelation that I want to share. After completing my inventory, I realized that there are going to be people who don't know that they have hurt me or know that they have hurt me but don't care, even though they proclaim to be Christian and then there are going to be those that even though I approach them to ask for forgiveness or to forgive them, they are going to turn their backs or laugh in my face and I'm okay with that, because at that point I have done all I can do. I've forgiven myself and Jesus has forgiven me. From that point forward it is between them and God.
I still have to complete my journey down my road to recovery and I know that I am well on my way to the end as well as on my way to a deeper relationship with my Jesus. I'm hope to complete my guides soon, but even then, I will probably not stop going to meetings. I love being around people who accept you for who you are, don't expect anything, and are always happy to see you no matter what. I've made several friends, and lots of acquaintances and will probably have more before it is all said and done. I'm starting to trust people again, but it is still fragile, but I know God is there and I can trust Him to take care of me and help me to triumph.
Here is some more testimony that I know I'm on the right track. Last night we were not having regular church service. We had a concert by Harmony Quartet. I didn't really want to go. My leg had been hurting since Saturday and after the morning service it kept kind of going out so to speak. I would be able to stand for two or three minutes but then it would be okay. Anyway, I told Norman that I really didn't want to go. All he said was that you will miss a blessing. So being a dutiful wife, I got up and dressed to come back to church, and I'm glad I did. It was an Ah ha moment for sure. The group was awesome! Wonderful voices, singing some old hymns, song they had written and then the bass player sang a song. It was at that moment, that God said, "This is for you. Listen closely my child." I get goosebumps or Godbumps as my sister calls them, thinking about it now. The name of the song is, "Grace one more time." It talks about walking down the road one day and sin was in the way and instead of going around, it couldn't be avoided. It says as I cried and tears streamed down, I felt the warm hand of my savior and as he held my face and wiped my tears away, he said I am with you my child, now go and please me, and He gave me grace one more time.
GOD is always there to pick us up when we needed to be held. There to carry us when can no longer go on. I know that without a doubt He has big plans for me. My husband says that right now, we are being called to service at Emory Baptist. He is right. I know that we are suppose to be there, not exactly what for yet, but God will reveal in His time. I hope this blog gives others hope and shows that no matter what God's grace is sufficient and it doesn't matter what you have done; He will forgive you. If you are not one of God's children, I pray that you will ask Him into your heart, and that you will see the light of His grace and the love of serving Him. May you have a God Filled Day. Love, L
Friday, August 6, 2010
What Kind of Recovery?
This question has been posed to me at least twice or maybe three times in the last month. What kind of recovery are you going through? That is a really good question. Most times when you mention recovery, most people automatically assume that you are recovering from alcohol abuse or drug abuse but there are other reasons to go to a recovery group. What are those reasons? Well it could be that you have just lost a loved one, gotten out of a physically abusive relationship, or maybe a mentally abusive relationship. It could be that you have an addiction to food, or you have an eating disorder, all of which are usually caused by something painful in your past or some hurt you have suffered. Maybe you were sexually molested as a child or rape when you were older. Maybe you felt like an outsider in your own home or felt you weren't loved. Maybe you were given up for adoption and feel like your parents didn't care, or maybe you have gone through a divorce and your relationship with your children suffered, or maybe your children were taken from you for some reason. There are many reasons a person might start attending a recovery group. It maybe that someone they are close to has issues with drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, physical, mental or emotional abuse. You never know about someone's life by looking at them and therefore should never judge a person until you have walked in their shoes, but I digress.
I've thought about my reasons for going and I originally thought it was because I needed help to forgive myself from my drug use and alcohol use, but it has been over 20 years since I've used drugs and I haven't had a drink of alcohol since December 31, 2009. So part of recovery is self-examination, you are required to do a self inventory of your life. You list people you feel have hurt you, what the hurt was and what it caused in your life. You also have to list people you have hurt, and why maybe that you did that, and who else did it hurt. I've come to the realization that part of my hurt is perception. People may not have realized that what they said hurt. Some people are not aware that a simple word can hurt a person and mark them for life.
There were somethings that I remember that hurt and I never said anything to anyone. Being sexually molested was one of them. I went to a counselor when I was older and he was retarded. He misconstrued what I was saying and instead of rocking the boat, I just let it go. (BIG MISTAKE!) Until I got married, I was never able to sleep in a dark room, with my back to an open door or sleep with the door opened and if it was closed, it was locked.
My weight was another issue. Here comes the catch 22. I wanted to be married, loved, in a relationship, but I was afraid to let anyone close. If I was fat, no one would want me and I was safe, but I was lonely. So with this came an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive over eater, which is very dangerous and can cause major health issues.
So why do I go to recovery? Because I'm accepted just the way I am, look, sound, feel, smiling or not, and I'm loved for who I am. What is recovery doing for me? I have renewed my relationship with GOD. I'm putting my life together, and giving control of it to GOD. I want only to live for HIM. What's that doing for my marriage? Making it the most awesome thing in the world, next to GOD. I'm safe, secure, wanted, loved, needed and it makes me look at the positive side of things. What do I hope to accomplish? To be able to approach those that have hurt me and tell them what they did and tell them I forgive them. To be able to approach those that I have hurt and hope that they will forgive me. Am I scare? My heart skips a beat every time I think about it. Will I succeed? Yes with God's help, the support of my husband, family and the recovery group, I will make it through this and then I hope to be there to help others through there recovery.
Hopefully this answers some questions that people have asked. Is this a complete list above? No way, but another thing I have realized, is that I'm not sure I can ever have a complete list. My memories are not all that good and I can only remember a few things about my life before the age of 12. Not sure why, but I know God will show them to me when the time comes.
I hope that if you are suffering for any kind of hurt, habit, hangup, loss or addiction, you will seek out a recovery group. Celebrate recovery is a christian based program and they do have a website. Go check it out. May you all be Blessed with God's light. Love, L
I've thought about my reasons for going and I originally thought it was because I needed help to forgive myself from my drug use and alcohol use, but it has been over 20 years since I've used drugs and I haven't had a drink of alcohol since December 31, 2009. So part of recovery is self-examination, you are required to do a self inventory of your life. You list people you feel have hurt you, what the hurt was and what it caused in your life. You also have to list people you have hurt, and why maybe that you did that, and who else did it hurt. I've come to the realization that part of my hurt is perception. People may not have realized that what they said hurt. Some people are not aware that a simple word can hurt a person and mark them for life.
There were somethings that I remember that hurt and I never said anything to anyone. Being sexually molested was one of them. I went to a counselor when I was older and he was retarded. He misconstrued what I was saying and instead of rocking the boat, I just let it go. (BIG MISTAKE!) Until I got married, I was never able to sleep in a dark room, with my back to an open door or sleep with the door opened and if it was closed, it was locked.
My weight was another issue. Here comes the catch 22. I wanted to be married, loved, in a relationship, but I was afraid to let anyone close. If I was fat, no one would want me and I was safe, but I was lonely. So with this came an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive over eater, which is very dangerous and can cause major health issues.
So why do I go to recovery? Because I'm accepted just the way I am, look, sound, feel, smiling or not, and I'm loved for who I am. What is recovery doing for me? I have renewed my relationship with GOD. I'm putting my life together, and giving control of it to GOD. I want only to live for HIM. What's that doing for my marriage? Making it the most awesome thing in the world, next to GOD. I'm safe, secure, wanted, loved, needed and it makes me look at the positive side of things. What do I hope to accomplish? To be able to approach those that have hurt me and tell them what they did and tell them I forgive them. To be able to approach those that I have hurt and hope that they will forgive me. Am I scare? My heart skips a beat every time I think about it. Will I succeed? Yes with God's help, the support of my husband, family and the recovery group, I will make it through this and then I hope to be there to help others through there recovery.
Hopefully this answers some questions that people have asked. Is this a complete list above? No way, but another thing I have realized, is that I'm not sure I can ever have a complete list. My memories are not all that good and I can only remember a few things about my life before the age of 12. Not sure why, but I know God will show them to me when the time comes.
I hope that if you are suffering for any kind of hurt, habit, hangup, loss or addiction, you will seek out a recovery group. Celebrate recovery is a christian based program and they do have a website. Go check it out. May you all be Blessed with God's light. Love, L
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I Try
In recent weeks I have handed my life to God. Although He never left me, I turned away from Him and thought He had turned His back on me. I'm trying to live one day at a time, and let Jesus take care of my hurts, hangups, habits and addictive compulsive behaviors, because I know that without Him, there is no cure, and my life is meaningless. I want everything I do to shine so bright with Him, that everyone will want to know who He is and how they can have Him in their life. My brother in law has a bible verse that he frequently mentions. I think I'm going to adopt it for my motto. It is "Abstain from the appearance of all evil." 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Think about that scripture. Think about what is evil. Think about what you do, say, wear, think, consume, and portray to others around you. Is there anything you do that would not appear to be good? Would not appear to be Christian?
This is a conversation my husband and I often have. It doesn't say in the bible that you can drink. But it does say that your body is a temple and to treat it right. Here is another thought. How can you drink yourself drunk and proclaim to be a Christian? I mean it is a little hard to testify to the person behind the cash register what Jesus has done in your life, and how He has helped you when you are in there every week buying a case or two of beer. What kind of testimony is that! It is the same with the way you speak, act, and what you wear and how you portray yourself to others. Don't be a hypocrite! Don't attend church on a regular basis and then spend Friday and Saturday night drinking, drugging or whatever.
Be honest with yourself. Get your heart right with Jesus and then get your life right and live like you are a Christian. That you love Jesus Christ with all your heart. Don't blame everyone else for what is happening in your life because of the way you live. Take responsibility and get on your knees and ask for God's forgiveness and get back on the right track.
Now for those of you who are going to read this and read more into than is there, I have one word... DON'T. This is aim at no one, but I just lost my temper, yelled at someone on the phone and cursed really loudly. I was immediately convicted for my sins and I hit my knees and cried and asked Jesus to forgive me. So before you think I'm pointing fingers at you! I'm not!.
However, I hope you will all read this and think hard about it. May your day be completely Filled with God. The one and only true Living God!. I have eternal life because He died for me and rose again. I want to do all I can to bring Him glory. How about you other Christians? What is your goal for bring glory to God?
This is a conversation my husband and I often have. It doesn't say in the bible that you can drink. But it does say that your body is a temple and to treat it right. Here is another thought. How can you drink yourself drunk and proclaim to be a Christian? I mean it is a little hard to testify to the person behind the cash register what Jesus has done in your life, and how He has helped you when you are in there every week buying a case or two of beer. What kind of testimony is that! It is the same with the way you speak, act, and what you wear and how you portray yourself to others. Don't be a hypocrite! Don't attend church on a regular basis and then spend Friday and Saturday night drinking, drugging or whatever.
Be honest with yourself. Get your heart right with Jesus and then get your life right and live like you are a Christian. That you love Jesus Christ with all your heart. Don't blame everyone else for what is happening in your life because of the way you live. Take responsibility and get on your knees and ask for God's forgiveness and get back on the right track.
Now for those of you who are going to read this and read more into than is there, I have one word... DON'T. This is aim at no one, but I just lost my temper, yelled at someone on the phone and cursed really loudly. I was immediately convicted for my sins and I hit my knees and cried and asked Jesus to forgive me. So before you think I'm pointing fingers at you! I'm not!.
However, I hope you will all read this and think hard about it. May your day be completely Filled with God. The one and only true Living God!. I have eternal life because He died for me and rose again. I want to do all I can to bring Him glory. How about you other Christians? What is your goal for bring glory to God?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Today - July 26, 2010 - Anxiety & Fear
Today I have visited with God several times and it is just 1:20PM. Anxiety and Fear are keeping me close to God today. I know that God will take care of me and protect me and give me the strength I need to stay focused and to let the anxiety and fear go. He has control of my life, and I give it to Him freely every day. I want to do more, to be more, and to experience more.
My bible has been open on my desk since I came home from working at the church and I've even been back to the church again today. It wasn't to work although I did help the ladies out in the auditorium with envelopes and note pads... just so they could get finished quicker. I did go to our library and picked up two books. One is a commentary book that covers from Proverbs through Ezekiel. I only wanted Ecclesiastes, but now I think I'm going to read the whole thing. The other book is called Halley's Bible Handbook and gives you background info on all the books of the bible as well some history and other things. I've not started reading it yet, just thumbed through. I need more information.
In the Bible I've read my devotional scriptures from my devotional reading for today, as well as a couple of chapters in the Book of James, one in Hebrews and now it is open to I Corinthians. I'm waiting on an email with some information from a Sunday School lesson a couple of weeks ago, but I have some studying to do. I just need clearer understanding, and I know that God will help me as I'm reading, because I have prayed and asked for His guidance, wisdom, knowledge and understanding of His glorious word.
As for as my recovery goes, I'm still working on my self-inventory and I've got a list of 14 things so far, and on Saturday I realized, that my name needs to be on that list along with the things I need to answer for and ask forgiveness for from friends, family and others. Some I will never be able to address as those people have left this world to go be with Jesus. I'm also on the look for a new sponsor, and I believe I will be talking to a couple of the ladies at the meeting on Thursday night.
Here is one of my verses for today: Hebrews 4: 16 (KJV) Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Another: Ephesians 2:18 (KJV) For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.
These two seemed to stand out more prominently than the others for today. I wish you all a truly God Filled Day. Love, L
My bible has been open on my desk since I came home from working at the church and I've even been back to the church again today. It wasn't to work although I did help the ladies out in the auditorium with envelopes and note pads... just so they could get finished quicker. I did go to our library and picked up two books. One is a commentary book that covers from Proverbs through Ezekiel. I only wanted Ecclesiastes, but now I think I'm going to read the whole thing. The other book is called Halley's Bible Handbook and gives you background info on all the books of the bible as well some history and other things. I've not started reading it yet, just thumbed through. I need more information.
In the Bible I've read my devotional scriptures from my devotional reading for today, as well as a couple of chapters in the Book of James, one in Hebrews and now it is open to I Corinthians. I'm waiting on an email with some information from a Sunday School lesson a couple of weeks ago, but I have some studying to do. I just need clearer understanding, and I know that God will help me as I'm reading, because I have prayed and asked for His guidance, wisdom, knowledge and understanding of His glorious word.
As for as my recovery goes, I'm still working on my self-inventory and I've got a list of 14 things so far, and on Saturday I realized, that my name needs to be on that list along with the things I need to answer for and ask forgiveness for from friends, family and others. Some I will never be able to address as those people have left this world to go be with Jesus. I'm also on the look for a new sponsor, and I believe I will be talking to a couple of the ladies at the meeting on Thursday night.
Here is one of my verses for today: Hebrews 4: 16 (KJV) Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Another: Ephesians 2:18 (KJV) For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.
These two seemed to stand out more prominently than the others for today. I wish you all a truly God Filled Day. Love, L
Friday, July 23, 2010
A step forward in my journey
I started my self inventory and was able to share in our recovery meeting last night. We are in small groups and it makes it so much easier to share. I still get very emotional about things, but last night I talked about the compulsive eating disorder and one of the ladies prayed with me individually after group.
We always start a group session off with a prayer for everyone there, and to bless the food. Then after we break into smaller groups to share and go over the questions in the books, we pray before we start and we always close with a prayer. Everyone is very nice.
It is amazing at some of the stories and the feelings that get shared. When you look at a person that you pass on the street or see in a crowd or even that you see every Sunday at church, you have no idea what that person has gone through, going through or is trying to overcome.
There is one thing that we all have in common in the group and that is Jesus Christ. He is our higher power and without Him, there is not cure for our hurts, hangups, or addictive compulsive behaviors. He is the only one that can cure us and it is a struggle for us to give up control. Last night as I shared, I stated that everyday, I ask Jesus to take control of my life and I freely give it to Him. I ask only to live my life for Him, doing whatever He would have me do. I explained to an accountability partner last night, that I know that before I can go forward with a life for living strictly for Christ, that I have to finish my journey down the road to recovery. She said, "Yes it is one step at a time. One day at a time. Stay in the Word and when you start to feel things going astray, pray." She is very sweet and you can see the joy and happiness in her face. She looked at me last night and said, "You look so much better this week. I can see the difference in your face." It made me feel good that she could see the light of the Lord in my face.
I'm not sure what God has in store for me once I finish my journey, but I know that it will be His will, His time, and at a place where He things I need to be.
May you all have a God Filled weekend. Love, L
We always start a group session off with a prayer for everyone there, and to bless the food. Then after we break into smaller groups to share and go over the questions in the books, we pray before we start and we always close with a prayer. Everyone is very nice.
It is amazing at some of the stories and the feelings that get shared. When you look at a person that you pass on the street or see in a crowd or even that you see every Sunday at church, you have no idea what that person has gone through, going through or is trying to overcome.
There is one thing that we all have in common in the group and that is Jesus Christ. He is our higher power and without Him, there is not cure for our hurts, hangups, or addictive compulsive behaviors. He is the only one that can cure us and it is a struggle for us to give up control. Last night as I shared, I stated that everyday, I ask Jesus to take control of my life and I freely give it to Him. I ask only to live my life for Him, doing whatever He would have me do. I explained to an accountability partner last night, that I know that before I can go forward with a life for living strictly for Christ, that I have to finish my journey down the road to recovery. She said, "Yes it is one step at a time. One day at a time. Stay in the Word and when you start to feel things going astray, pray." She is very sweet and you can see the joy and happiness in her face. She looked at me last night and said, "You look so much better this week. I can see the difference in your face." It made me feel good that she could see the light of the Lord in my face.
I'm not sure what God has in store for me once I finish my journey, but I know that it will be His will, His time, and at a place where He things I need to be.
May you all have a God Filled weekend. Love, L
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A Self Inventory - hurts, hangups and addictive compulsive behaviors!
I finally started with the inventory on Tuesday, the 20th. I had a friend who has been through this partly get me started and now it just seems to be falling into place. It is harder than one would think... remembering things that have happened, things that have been said or done to you, and then trying to figure out if something you do is a compulsive addictive behavior. Oh and for those of you out there, a computer can be come an addiction. LOL! Farmville, Farmtown, Frontier Ville... Need I go on???
Anyway, I've got about six things listed so far, but I remembered a couple of more things that I'm going to add later today. I may pull out some pictures and look at them so I can see if it jogs my memory some more. One of the things from my past that has always been there in the back of my mind, sometimes in the front, made me examine the way I treated people afterwards and up until recently. This is very difficult to talk about, but I want anyone who is experiencing anything remotely like this to understand. I tried not to get close to people, trusting, or loving them. It made me wonder if I had ever made my daughter feel unloved. She is 24 years old and after thinking about our life before we were married, I wondered what damage I might have done to her. Finally yesterday when she went home for lunch, she called me. We talked about several things, but then I stopped her and told her I needed to ask her something. Something that was very painful for me, and upsetting, but it would help with my recovery. She has been great about this whole thing and stood beside me. Anyway, she knows about this particular incident and I can out and said, "Did I ever make you feel unloved when you were growing up? When it was just us?" And as I was crying fearing for the worst response, she said, "Momma, you have never made me feel unloved, ever in my life." Okay which made me cry that much harder.
Okay so that is done, but I'm no where near through and there will be other things that I will probably have to ask her before this is all through, but I know without a doubt she will be there to help me through this, along with Norman, and the rest of my family.
I hope that this helps someone else who maybe starting their inventory and having to come to grips with life. It is hard, but it is one day at a time. May you all have a God Filled Day. God Bless. L
Anyway, I've got about six things listed so far, but I remembered a couple of more things that I'm going to add later today. I may pull out some pictures and look at them so I can see if it jogs my memory some more. One of the things from my past that has always been there in the back of my mind, sometimes in the front, made me examine the way I treated people afterwards and up until recently. This is very difficult to talk about, but I want anyone who is experiencing anything remotely like this to understand. I tried not to get close to people, trusting, or loving them. It made me wonder if I had ever made my daughter feel unloved. She is 24 years old and after thinking about our life before we were married, I wondered what damage I might have done to her. Finally yesterday when she went home for lunch, she called me. We talked about several things, but then I stopped her and told her I needed to ask her something. Something that was very painful for me, and upsetting, but it would help with my recovery. She has been great about this whole thing and stood beside me. Anyway, she knows about this particular incident and I can out and said, "Did I ever make you feel unloved when you were growing up? When it was just us?" And as I was crying fearing for the worst response, she said, "Momma, you have never made me feel unloved, ever in my life." Okay which made me cry that much harder.
Okay so that is done, but I'm no where near through and there will be other things that I will probably have to ask her before this is all through, but I know without a doubt she will be there to help me through this, along with Norman, and the rest of my family.
I hope that this helps someone else who maybe starting their inventory and having to come to grips with life. It is hard, but it is one day at a time. May you all have a God Filled Day. God Bless. L
Monday, July 19, 2010
Road to Recovery - Self Inventory - July 19, 2010
Today I had set aside to do my self inventory for recovery. I went to the bedroom, lay down on the bed with pen and paper. I stared at a blank sheet of paper until I fell asleep. Even though the book tells you how and what to do, it is a lot harder than I had anticipated.
It says to go back as far as you can remember and to start there. Some of my memories I'm not sure are memories, but maybe they were dreams. The earliest hurt I can remember was when I was 14. It kind of ruin my summer and my teenager perspective.
Although I will share my road to recovery, I won't be sharing my self inventory, just the steps and the how I'm doing trying to finish and accomplish it. I do know this, and it was an "a-ha" moment this weekend. What I know is this, that until I complete my recovery, I cannot move on with what God has in store for me and my husband. I have given control of my life to God. Everyday, I pray for God to show me where and what I need to be. Now I know there are some that will say that I don't need to do that everyday, but I do, because of recovery, I'm learning to live one day at a time, and for me to do that, I have to hand to God everyday.
I want to live my life for God, using my God given talent. I'm not sure exactly where that will be or what exactly He will give me to do, but I do know this, that I'm ready or will be soon. I'm not talking about going into the foreign mission fields or anything like that, but maybe it is just that I need to be there for someone to talk to, but whatever it is that He wants me to do, my life is His.
My husband and I both have put God first in our lives. My husband is second in mine as I am second in his. Our families are next, then our jobs. We just discussed this in Sunday School along with Spiritual gifts.
On a side note, they lady I asked to be my sponsor has accepted on a trial basis. I'm getting her a copy of the 8 principles and the 12 steps comparison. I have it ready to take to her in the morning.
I'm going to continue to persevere and I will make it through this part. I just need to get started and I'm sure the rest will flow.
Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.
"Happy are the pure in heart." Matthew 5:8
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." Lamentations 3:40.
May you have a God Filled Day!
L
It says to go back as far as you can remember and to start there. Some of my memories I'm not sure are memories, but maybe they were dreams. The earliest hurt I can remember was when I was 14. It kind of ruin my summer and my teenager perspective.
Although I will share my road to recovery, I won't be sharing my self inventory, just the steps and the how I'm doing trying to finish and accomplish it. I do know this, and it was an "a-ha" moment this weekend. What I know is this, that until I complete my recovery, I cannot move on with what God has in store for me and my husband. I have given control of my life to God. Everyday, I pray for God to show me where and what I need to be. Now I know there are some that will say that I don't need to do that everyday, but I do, because of recovery, I'm learning to live one day at a time, and for me to do that, I have to hand to God everyday.
I want to live my life for God, using my God given talent. I'm not sure exactly where that will be or what exactly He will give me to do, but I do know this, that I'm ready or will be soon. I'm not talking about going into the foreign mission fields or anything like that, but maybe it is just that I need to be there for someone to talk to, but whatever it is that He wants me to do, my life is His.
My husband and I both have put God first in our lives. My husband is second in mine as I am second in his. Our families are next, then our jobs. We just discussed this in Sunday School along with Spiritual gifts.
On a side note, they lady I asked to be my sponsor has accepted on a trial basis. I'm getting her a copy of the 8 principles and the 12 steps comparison. I have it ready to take to her in the morning.
I'm going to continue to persevere and I will make it through this part. I just need to get started and I'm sure the rest will flow.
Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.
"Happy are the pure in heart." Matthew 5:8
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." Lamentations 3:40.
May you have a God Filled Day!
L
Friday, July 16, 2010
On the Road - July 16, 2010
My journey down the road to recovery is very emotional. In a post or so back I talked about getting a sponsor. After some major praying and a talk with the Associate pastor, I asked a lady at church. I gave her the responsibilities and she said she felt unqualified. I told her not to worry and just to pray about it. I told her if she decide against, that was fine and I would understand.
I have continued to work the book and I'm on principle 4/step 4 - Self Inventory. I've done all I can do now until I take inventory. I have a form, and since I have arrived at this step, my sleep has become even more erratic. I sleep 5 or 10 minutes, jerk awake because of a dream and then lay awake for 10 or 15 minutes and the ritual starts all over.
This is very important that I finish this. I will not let Satan win and cause me to turn away. I feel like I have accomplish much already and know that once this is done, I will be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness from those I've wronged. Remember Jesus is the only one that ever forgets. We as sinners or saved sinners, remember. It is a way that keeps us on the straight and narrow, because if we remember the pain, then we won't go down that road again. Now I know there are some that will disagree with that statement and that is your option. It is however, the way I believe, and it is what is taught in Recovery.
I'm sure that before it is all said and done, I will experience more pain, sadness, and tears, but I will also experience happiness, love and joy remembering the good things. I have a major support team so I know that I will succeed, and then maybe I can be there to help someone else make that same journey or a similar journey down the road to recovery. Right now, I just try to live One day at a time, and with my Savior's help, I'm succeeding. God Bless!
I have continued to work the book and I'm on principle 4/step 4 - Self Inventory. I've done all I can do now until I take inventory. I have a form, and since I have arrived at this step, my sleep has become even more erratic. I sleep 5 or 10 minutes, jerk awake because of a dream and then lay awake for 10 or 15 minutes and the ritual starts all over.
This is very important that I finish this. I will not let Satan win and cause me to turn away. I feel like I have accomplish much already and know that once this is done, I will be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness from those I've wronged. Remember Jesus is the only one that ever forgets. We as sinners or saved sinners, remember. It is a way that keeps us on the straight and narrow, because if we remember the pain, then we won't go down that road again. Now I know there are some that will disagree with that statement and that is your option. It is however, the way I believe, and it is what is taught in Recovery.
I'm sure that before it is all said and done, I will experience more pain, sadness, and tears, but I will also experience happiness, love and joy remembering the good things. I have a major support team so I know that I will succeed, and then maybe I can be there to help someone else make that same journey or a similar journey down the road to recovery. Right now, I just try to live One day at a time, and with my Savior's help, I'm succeeding. God Bless!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Man, Satan, or Jesus Christ
Who is your higher power? If you have been to an AA meeting, or NA meeting or have participated in a recovery group, you know that they talk about finding your higher power. I am part of a biblical based recovery group that is based on the eight beatitudes and follows the normal 12 step program using eight principles. So as far as a higher power goes from a Christian stand point, because I am a believer, here are your choices for that higher power. One, you can continue along the road of destruction and follow man and the things of this world, and you will continue to do the things that cover up the pain, instead of succeeding at recovery. Two, you can follow Satan. He is a higher power and there are a lot of people, occults that follow him. If he is your choice and you follow him, he will lead you down the road to hell and to burn for eternity. The third choice is Jesus Christ, the ultimate higher power. He is the power I have chosen. I actually chose Him as my higher power when I was twelve, but like Peter, I lost faith because of the things that happened in my life and so I started down a path that I thought was where I needed to be. I thought God had left me. That was not true, God will never leave you. You can turn your back on Him and do all manner of things, but He will be waiting for you with open arms, a forgiving heart, when you return.
It is hard to know some times what causes us to take our eyes off of the true and only living God. That is where recovery comes in. It is about getting our faith back or accepting Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives. Giving God control, giving Him our burdens, asking for Him to heal us, and seeking forgiveness or giving forgiveness to others. I am only on the fourth principle and I still have a long journey to travel, but God will be there every step of the way. Why do I know that? Because He never left.
Have a God Filled Day, ask Jesus Christ to be your higher power and live in your heart.
It is hard to know some times what causes us to take our eyes off of the true and only living God. That is where recovery comes in. It is about getting our faith back or accepting Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives. Giving God control, giving Him our burdens, asking for Him to heal us, and seeking forgiveness or giving forgiveness to others. I am only on the fourth principle and I still have a long journey to travel, but God will be there every step of the way. Why do I know that? Because He never left.
Have a God Filled Day, ask Jesus Christ to be your higher power and live in your heart.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
July 8, 2010 - I attended Recovery tonight
It is just after nine o'clock at night and I had to write about my recovery group meeting tonight. It was such a struggle for me to even go tonight. I had to push myself out the door and across the street, but it was all worth it. The group leader met me at the door and I got a nice big hug and immediately started to cry. It has been such a battle over the last few weeks which I understand is pretty normal working through the first book, but I've been told that the next book will be an even bigger struggle. I don't care. God is with me, He never left. I was the one that lost faith and sank. Jesus reached into the water and pulled me up recently. I'm swimming again. That is the message of our group, "Sink or Swim". I've chosen to swim.
I know the next steps are a self-inventory. I must also find a sponsor and or an accountability person. I'm praying that God will lead me to that person or people. A few people have suggested I find an AA meeting to attend or get the book as well or the NA group and the book. I don't want to be overwhelmed with reading. Some days it is all I can do just to get through the day, must less read more than just my recovery books. I may look up the AA meeting here in town and see about it.
Next week we are going to meet as a big group again. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that, but I know that God will see me through. I have such joy in my heart tonight, and I'm pretty sure there is a smile on my face.
So for those that are reading here is who I am: I'm a drug addict, a drunk, I have compulsive obsessive disorder and I'm a compulsive overeater. I molested at the age of 14 by someone I trusted. These are a few of the reasons I'm attending recovery. Now I could have said "I was in a bad place. But now I'm here." That doesn't tell anyone my story, and as I take the self inventory over the next few weeks, I will share more of my story. God will tell me what I should share and what I shouldn't, but I'm not ashamed of who I was, because now more than anything, I know that I am a child of God, and He never left me. I just took my eyes off of Him. Now with His help, my hurts, habits, hangups and addictive compulsive behavior will be taken care of. He has control over my life, not me. He is my higher power, not Satan, not man. God is my teacher and the Lord of my salvation. I wait for Him every day. May you all have a God filled night and a Blessed day tomorrow.
Psalm 25:5 (King James Version)
5Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
I have been clean for 23 years, 130 days and sober for 189 days.
I know the next steps are a self-inventory. I must also find a sponsor and or an accountability person. I'm praying that God will lead me to that person or people. A few people have suggested I find an AA meeting to attend or get the book as well or the NA group and the book. I don't want to be overwhelmed with reading. Some days it is all I can do just to get through the day, must less read more than just my recovery books. I may look up the AA meeting here in town and see about it.
Next week we are going to meet as a big group again. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that, but I know that God will see me through. I have such joy in my heart tonight, and I'm pretty sure there is a smile on my face.
So for those that are reading here is who I am: I'm a drug addict, a drunk, I have compulsive obsessive disorder and I'm a compulsive overeater. I molested at the age of 14 by someone I trusted. These are a few of the reasons I'm attending recovery. Now I could have said "I was in a bad place. But now I'm here." That doesn't tell anyone my story, and as I take the self inventory over the next few weeks, I will share more of my story. God will tell me what I should share and what I shouldn't, but I'm not ashamed of who I was, because now more than anything, I know that I am a child of God, and He never left me. I just took my eyes off of Him. Now with His help, my hurts, habits, hangups and addictive compulsive behavior will be taken care of. He has control over my life, not me. He is my higher power, not Satan, not man. God is my teacher and the Lord of my salvation. I wait for Him every day. May you all have a God filled night and a Blessed day tomorrow.
Psalm 25:5 (King James Version)
5Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
I have been clean for 23 years, 130 days and sober for 189 days.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Recovery: Need A Sponsor
Although I haven't been attending the meetings at church for the last month, I have been working through my first book of the Celebrate Recovery work books. I just finished the first book and have completed Principle 3. I have picked up the second book and have read the first page of the first lesson three times. In this book, it says I must have a sponsor, someone who will hold me accountable but it must be someone I can trust.
Trust, that is a major word for me. Trusting people is one of the issues I have, and still have although I'm trying to learn to trust other people. I know God is always there with me and I trust Him. The last few weeks working through the book, I have questioned my salvation. I wasn't really sure I had asked Jesus to live in my heart and be a part of my life. It didn't feel like it some days and then other days, I knew God was there, but God is always there. Taking these first steps in Recovery, I've learned two things for sure.
One, that I cannot fix the hurts, hangups, habits, addictive behavior or compulsive behavior alone. Jesus has to do that or help me to do it. Second, I have no control over my life, but God does and I have given Him that control.
I pray every morning now and write in my journal. When I pray, I write. It's like writing a letter to God. I just save the postage. Anyway, my search for a sponsor has started. Someone suggested I interview a few people from church, but if I have to share my deepest darkest secrets, do I want someone from my church? I don't know that I really want a stranger, but I have to trust this person to keep what I'm telling them to themselves? Here is the trust issue. What will I do? Where will I find my sponsor? I'm sure God will lead me to the person that needs to be my accountability partner.
Live one day at a time. You cannot change the past, and the future is in God's hands. Let God have control of your life and it will become a life full of joy. Have a God Filled Day.
Trust, that is a major word for me. Trusting people is one of the issues I have, and still have although I'm trying to learn to trust other people. I know God is always there with me and I trust Him. The last few weeks working through the book, I have questioned my salvation. I wasn't really sure I had asked Jesus to live in my heart and be a part of my life. It didn't feel like it some days and then other days, I knew God was there, but God is always there. Taking these first steps in Recovery, I've learned two things for sure.
One, that I cannot fix the hurts, hangups, habits, addictive behavior or compulsive behavior alone. Jesus has to do that or help me to do it. Second, I have no control over my life, but God does and I have given Him that control.
I pray every morning now and write in my journal. When I pray, I write. It's like writing a letter to God. I just save the postage. Anyway, my search for a sponsor has started. Someone suggested I interview a few people from church, but if I have to share my deepest darkest secrets, do I want someone from my church? I don't know that I really want a stranger, but I have to trust this person to keep what I'm telling them to themselves? Here is the trust issue. What will I do? Where will I find my sponsor? I'm sure God will lead me to the person that needs to be my accountability partner.
Live one day at a time. You cannot change the past, and the future is in God's hands. Let God have control of your life and it will become a life full of joy. Have a God Filled Day.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Emotions and Thoughts
I haven't attended a recovery meeting in three weeks. It is so emotionally draining working through the principles. I've dreamed every night since I started and the dreams are all too vivid, some almost to the point where I wonder if they are hidden memories from my childhood. There are things that I don't remember about growing up and some things that I think are memories but I'm not sure.
Working through the principles is bringing up a lot of questions that I can't answer. I'm afraid if I want to find the answers I'm going to have to ask my family things that may bring up some bad memories and I don't want to hurt anyone, but not having the answers is hurting me. So what do I do? I've started my journal again and I start the day with a prayer. I write my prayer, not for any reason, just seems to flow easier on paper than to speak it out loud.
I've started principle 3. HOPE. Principle 1 & 2 made me think hard about my salvation. It made me ask myself if I truly was a Christian. Had I really asked Jesus into my heart when I was twelve or was I just wanting to be like everyone in my Sunday School class? The doubts that were going through my head for the last three weeks caused me major anguish. I know without a doubt though that Jesus does live in my heart. It is just that my heart closed Him out for a while and now the pain of the repairing of it and letting Him live inside is sometimes more than I can handle.
Last week, I started a new life. A life that I gave to God again. I took all my burdens to Him and laid them at His feet. I pray every day now to be stronger and not to turn back and pick them up. It is very difficult but I am trying to learn to live one day at a time. I know that God is always there to pick me up when I fall, and I know that He has a purpose for me and my talents. Now I just need to sit and listen, waiting for His call.
Working through the principles is bringing up a lot of questions that I can't answer. I'm afraid if I want to find the answers I'm going to have to ask my family things that may bring up some bad memories and I don't want to hurt anyone, but not having the answers is hurting me. So what do I do? I've started my journal again and I start the day with a prayer. I write my prayer, not for any reason, just seems to flow easier on paper than to speak it out loud.
I've started principle 3. HOPE. Principle 1 & 2 made me think hard about my salvation. It made me ask myself if I truly was a Christian. Had I really asked Jesus into my heart when I was twelve or was I just wanting to be like everyone in my Sunday School class? The doubts that were going through my head for the last three weeks caused me major anguish. I know without a doubt though that Jesus does live in my heart. It is just that my heart closed Him out for a while and now the pain of the repairing of it and letting Him live inside is sometimes more than I can handle.
Last week, I started a new life. A life that I gave to God again. I took all my burdens to Him and laid them at His feet. I pray every day now to be stronger and not to turn back and pick them up. It is very difficult but I am trying to learn to live one day at a time. I know that God is always there to pick me up when I fall, and I know that He has a purpose for me and my talents. Now I just need to sit and listen, waiting for His call.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
We didn't attend the recovery meeting last Thursday. My neighbor, a troubled 24 year old came to my house around five pm, because in a fit of anger he hit the wall with his fist, and he hit a stud in the wall. His hand wasn't broken, but it was swelling, so I iced it down for him. He stayed until the wee hours of the morning. We fed him supper and he and my husband talked. I listened and cleaned.
The reason I write about that, is because people deal with situations in their lives differently than others. He feels the need to hit something when his anger is out of control. I usually get quiet at first, and then usually something will set me off and I will yell, or I have been known to throw things.
Another thing I want to mention is this, just because someone doesn't walk around with a smile on their face, doesn't mean that they are angry, sad or mad at someone. It could be just that they are in deep thought, or maybe they are just trying to figure something out and aren't paying attention.
When we meet people, we have no idea what they are struggling with or going through. We are not suppose to judge people by appearance, or I don't think we should. If we see our brothers and sisters in Christ committing a sin, we are suppose to talk to them about what they are doing. Not judge them, but bring it to their attention.
We all fall short of Christ's glory. No one is perfect on this earth.
Someone told me yesterday that we can only own what we say, not how others take what is said. This is very true. Sometimes, I think, that when someone responds back to you negatively or questions something you said, it is an admission of guilt. Maybe they see themselves in what you said, but just can't own up to what is going on.
I know this blog is just rambling, but I felt the need to express it. May you all have a God Filled Day! Be Blessed in knowing that Christ's return is eminent. Love, L
The reason I write about that, is because people deal with situations in their lives differently than others. He feels the need to hit something when his anger is out of control. I usually get quiet at first, and then usually something will set me off and I will yell, or I have been known to throw things.
Another thing I want to mention is this, just because someone doesn't walk around with a smile on their face, doesn't mean that they are angry, sad or mad at someone. It could be just that they are in deep thought, or maybe they are just trying to figure something out and aren't paying attention.
When we meet people, we have no idea what they are struggling with or going through. We are not suppose to judge people by appearance, or I don't think we should. If we see our brothers and sisters in Christ committing a sin, we are suppose to talk to them about what they are doing. Not judge them, but bring it to their attention.
We all fall short of Christ's glory. No one is perfect on this earth.
Someone told me yesterday that we can only own what we say, not how others take what is said. This is very true. Sometimes, I think, that when someone responds back to you negatively or questions something you said, it is an admission of guilt. Maybe they see themselves in what you said, but just can't own up to what is going on.
I know this blog is just rambling, but I felt the need to express it. May you all have a God Filled Day! Be Blessed in knowing that Christ's return is eminent. Love, L
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Recovery Meeting Number 5
In this week's meeting we started over with book 1 of the celebrate recovery workbooks. They had completed book 4 last week. We broke out into two groups, men and women. It was good to sit with just the ladies and listen. I still haven't spoke out. This week we discuss Denial and how to overcome it. I have completed the lessons that go with this Principle 1/Step 1. It has made me stop and think about a lot of things, but it has brought back to surface many feelings and hurts that I had blocked or just buried. It scares me some of the feelings and thoughts I am having and experiencing now.
Before I started book 1, my husband and I talked about what might happen to me going through recovery. I was afraid of the person I might find at the end of it, and that he might not love me like he does. I was and still am afraid it will change our marriage. He still holds firm that it will only make me a better person, and that he will still love me. It still doesn't keep me from worrying or being afraid. I know it is the devil making me feel all of this. I know that Jesus Christ is my higher power, and not Satan. Satan wants me to stumble. He doesn't want me to be filled with joy. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan has worked hard on me this weekend. I've pulled away and secluded myself from my husband. I don't like hurting the people I love, and I know that is what I am doing, but can't stop myself. I worked on Principle 2/Step 2 yesterday and I am now at the questions.
This is very hard to do and it makes you examine every inch of your life and soul. You may not like what you find when you get to the center. It has made me stop and think that maybe I'm not ready for this yet. But then, if I don't try, would I ever be ready?
There is a prayer that goes with Principle 2/Step 2. I've made myself a note to pray it everyday. Here is Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
Here is the prayer:
Dear God, I have tried to "fix" and "control" my life's hurts, hangups or habits all by myself. I admit that, by myself, I am powerless to change. I need to begin to believe and receive Your power to help me recover. You loved me enough to send Your Son to the cross to die for my sins. Help me be open to the hope that I can only find in Him. Please help me to start living my life one day at a time. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
I hope as you read this, you will think about that prayer. I believe that everyone has something that they need Jesus to fix for them. I believe that even if you don't think you do, you probably do have something in your past whether it is a hurt, a hangup or a habit, it is something you can not get past without Jesus. I wish only a God Filled day for everyone. Love, L
Before I started book 1, my husband and I talked about what might happen to me going through recovery. I was afraid of the person I might find at the end of it, and that he might not love me like he does. I was and still am afraid it will change our marriage. He still holds firm that it will only make me a better person, and that he will still love me. It still doesn't keep me from worrying or being afraid. I know it is the devil making me feel all of this. I know that Jesus Christ is my higher power, and not Satan. Satan wants me to stumble. He doesn't want me to be filled with joy. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan has worked hard on me this weekend. I've pulled away and secluded myself from my husband. I don't like hurting the people I love, and I know that is what I am doing, but can't stop myself. I worked on Principle 2/Step 2 yesterday and I am now at the questions.
This is very hard to do and it makes you examine every inch of your life and soul. You may not like what you find when you get to the center. It has made me stop and think that maybe I'm not ready for this yet. But then, if I don't try, would I ever be ready?
There is a prayer that goes with Principle 2/Step 2. I've made myself a note to pray it everyday. Here is Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
Here is the prayer:
Dear God, I have tried to "fix" and "control" my life's hurts, hangups or habits all by myself. I admit that, by myself, I am powerless to change. I need to begin to believe and receive Your power to help me recover. You loved me enough to send Your Son to the cross to die for my sins. Help me be open to the hope that I can only find in Him. Please help me to start living my life one day at a time. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
I hope as you read this, you will think about that prayer. I believe that everyone has something that they need Jesus to fix for them. I believe that even if you don't think you do, you probably do have something in your past whether it is a hurt, a hangup or a habit, it is something you can not get past without Jesus. I wish only a God Filled day for everyone. Love, L
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