It has been awhile since I've posted anything and to be honest, I'm not sure exactly what to write about tonight. I am dealing with some things that are threatening my joy, and I'm praying for God to rid me of the issues or things or whatever you want to call it. I've had many negative thoughts in the last month, and I have lost some of the joy I had, but know that all this is in God's hands. I've been neglecting writing in my journal and have let people and things get between God and me. Today is only the second time in a two week period that I have started and completed my journal entry in a single sitting.
I feel that God is closing a door and about to open up a new one. I'm ready for that! I want my peace back and I don't feel it or have it completely right now. It is sad when a single tiny thing can disrupt your whole being like it has done. I know I need to let it go and let God. I've written in my journal, prayed and handed it to Him, only to pick it up again. Why you ask? Because I'm put back in front of it constantly.
I have had an issue with "Trust" for many years. It comes back from things in my past and even though I'm much better than I was, I still have issues with trusting and if I'm betrayed, I can't give the person a 100% of my loyalty because of the betrayal. That probably doesn't make sense. Anyway, I am making an effort to attend my recovery meeting this week. I'm still sober, nothing to drink, but a piece of the old me did show up in the last few weeks. I don't want that person back. I'm not that person, and it makes my heart hurt, that I have let an incident bring up those old feelings.
I will continue to pray and ask for God's guidance and wisdom to get me through all of this. My sponsor is helping and I need to learn to call her when I need to talk. May you all have a God Filled Day and be Blessed by God's grace and mercy. Love, L.
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