Monday, April 30, 2012

Standing in the Light

Any time you are doing what you should be doing according to God's word, the devil makes your life hard, not unbearable but definitely hard.  I try very hard to keep my light shining, but in corporate America, it is not easy and there is always something or someone trying to make you fall or stumble.  I love discussing God and the Bible and I have several friends that like to discuss as well.  Two don't have firm beliefs, but they are open to discussion and have made me really work hard finding the answers according to what God's Word says.  I have other friends that are new Christians, and I worry about them.  The attending a very new and young church and I don't totally agree with some of there beliefs, or churchisms (for lack of a better word).  I do hope that they both read their bibles and study Gods word and don't take things out of context. 

I've been reading a lot today.  I've read about the power of prayer, thanksgiving, the qualifications for pastors and deacons, husbands and wives, and how as Christians our old life is suppose to be dead and we are suppose to live as a new person, washed in the blood of Christ, washed white as snow.  Does that mean that we never struggle with temptation and sin?  Absolutely not.  Does it mean that we don't sometimes slip back to our old life and do things that we shouldn't?  Absolutely not.  Here's an example:

I attended Celebrate Recovery for many reason, one being that I enjoyed drinking and sometimes I enjoyed it too much, but it help to rid me of old memories, and bad things that happened in my life.  I stopped drinking on December 31st, 2009, until February of 2012.  I haven't been drunk, I have done it to excess, but what I have done, is do shots of some kind of flavored liquor.  Did I need it?  Did something happened to make me slip backwards?  I don't know.  What I do know is that it makes me feel guilty.  Why?  Because I feel like I have let God down.  I know I have let myself down, but each day is a new day and each day I get a chance to begin again, and I know that God is beside me and will always be there with me.  He never leaves our side. 

My husband is standing with me and I think he is really trying to understand what happened or caused me to take a drink.  I was not an alcoholic by any means, but I wasn't always a nice person when I was drinking.  I know given time and as I continue to read, I will step away from the alcohol again. 

Why am I confessing all of this?  I guess mostly because I needed to say it and say it out loud so to speak.  People that have never used alcohol as a crutch don't understand and those that I work with that drink, say it's okay.  Well it might be okay for them, but not for me and I'm the one that has to stand before God one of these days and answer for the things I've said and done or not done. 

Here's another thing, I use to be a very sarcastic person.  It is a defense mechanism, but its not nice.  I sometime have to bite my tongue to keep things from coming out of my mouth.  I also used gestures that aren't nice and last week, I fell into that mode for a moment.  However, something was said by a co-worker that made me go, "That's not how I want to be known.  That is not me these days and that is definitely not how I want to display myself to others."  I've asked my friend who snapped the picture to erase it from her phone.  I've don't like having my picture made unless it is planned.  Hopefully she will follow my wishes and delete the photo.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to stand in the light.  Some days are harder than others, but some days, it easy.  I know that God loves me and He is showing me and my husband how to be better at sharing God's word and living in the light.

God Bless!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Laura, I know where you are coming from with the drinking thing. I have stop drinking as well because I felt guilty every time I drank. I wasn't a heavy drinker, though in my 20's and early 30's I did have a bit to drink but in those days I was not serious on Jesus. I was brought up in a Christian home in fact my dad was a Pastor so I know from right and wrong. I suppose when you are independent of your own life you want to do all by yourself.. What I believe that guilty thing is and I thought about it a lot over the years. That I believe God is trying to convict us in that area of our life that he is not please with.. Well I can only speak for myself.

    I am glad I have come across your blog