I haven't attend recovery meetings in quite awhile. I feel that I am at a place where I can't continue, and I don't want to attend meetings just for a meal. I feel that I cannot complete this step in recovery because I can approach some people about what happened and ask them to forgive me or for me to let them know how they hurt me, or I really don't know what I'm trying to say here.
I have somethings I need to let some people know but I don't think it is possible without hurting feelings. A friend suggested I write letters and just don't mail them. That is an option, but I've been writing some of these hurts down for a long time, and if that has help me, then how is writing a letter and not mailing it. I feel that I am caught between a rock and a hard place.
So I have started praying for God to show me how to handle this step. I've been told that God will present the opportunities to make amends when it is His time, His will, and when it is the right place. So I continually wait.
On a side note, I made it past the one year mark of "no alcohol". 404 days. I still have days when I would like a glass of wine or have a bourbon and coke, but it is not something I plan my life around or hold money back for, or let it control me. I can walk down the aisle in the store and not want to pick it up and put it in my basket. That I feel is an accomplishment.
Have a God Filled Day! If you struggled with this step in recovery, I would love to hear how you handled it. Because at this point, I see no use in continuing if i can't finish this part.
Love, L
L~
ReplyDeletefirst off thank you for sharing ur story....my name is Tonya (38) and i have struggled with this addiction for most of my life! i had nearly 3 yrs sober beginning in 2007~but relapsed last year after i was diagnosed with diabetes..(soo not good for anyone even worse for the ALCOHOLIC!) my entire life fell apart around me...litterally. so at the age of 37 (and never having done b4) i started cutting my legs...i still dont even believe i did~i went BACK into treatment (for the 4th time) my therapist wanted me stay @ least 90 days...but after 30 days my ins co. stopped paying, so i had to go back home and pickup where i left off as far as continuing my treatment...well soon after returning home..(i live in Indiana and the treatment center iwas in was in Florida) i was terminated from my job with the state of IN for 15 yrs!! bet u can guess what happend next! yep RELAPSE! My life was worse than i had EVER known it to be...i did not care about ANYTHING at this point..all i did was drink, cut and cry! i didnt eat, couldnt sleep, unless PASSED OUT of course..i was truely killing myself! oh then on aug of last yr i managed to get my FORTH dui! (it had been 8 yrs since the last one)...just more reason for me to drink and cont to self destruct! which i did VERY WELL! i was breaking the hearts of my loved ones ona daily basis..including my only child! so recently i attempted once again to get sober...i went to a detox facility while waiting ona bed for my next treatment center...had 20 days alcohol free and guess what idid on day 20??? yep, i drank...after a terrible argument with my son..i could not handle the trueth at that point and my only relief was to drink...which i did for 3 days and then (once again) attempted to get sober! i have went to a few meetings and i now am on day 5 of no alcohol! may not seem like much to most folks but its a great start for this alcoholic! i was online earlier today looking for the meaning of something and ended up on this new blog page called "VIR" (voices in recovery) i was totally shocked when i started reading the stuff on this site...after listening to a video of the girl who started the site i "somehow" (once again) ended up here and reading ur post! and as i was reading the song "My Chains are Gone" started playing...without my having clicked on it or anything! (i have chills all over me at THIS very moment) bc when i got sober in 2007, this song was my (what I called) my "Sobriety Song"...my Mom had given thewords to a wonderful older lady in Church and she sang it to ME one Sunday morning! talk about God working in my Life!!!! its like i was meant to find the "VIR" website (that i had NEVER even heard of) and then to top it all off i ended up on this site reading ur post!!! and then MY SONG just popping on! im so greatful for all of this and just as greatful to have been able to read ur words...i know im only 5 days sober..but this (as i have mentioned) is by any means NOT my first rodeo, so to speak! so PLZ do NOT give up, u having a year without alcohol is truely an AMAZING BLESSING fr God! and u have inspired me as well...plz check out the site ive been talking about, i think u will love it as much as i do! i would love to keep in touch with you....perhaps to help one another in "those" moments of weakness. God Bless You, Tonya!
Hi Tonya, I pray that you will succeed this time. God truly works in our lives and I've come to realize that as long as read His word and pray, that no matter how bad things are, something makes me realize that He has answered my prayer. Please feel free to contact me. My email is listed on this blog under my profile. I've not given up. I'm going to write my letters of amends, and they may not go anywhere, but I will have put it all out there for God to take care of.
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