This has truly been a year of struggle, trials and tribulation for us. I struggled most of the year with my faith, and my belief that God answers our prayers. I was angry at myself for the first 5 months of the year. Angry because I quit a job that was taking care of making ends meet, but would have killed me before the year was over. Angry because I felt like I had failed everyone. I even apologized to my husband for quitting my job. In May, my husband blacked out behind the wheel of his truck and by the grace of God, and his brother, pulled them to safety off the road. We still don't really know what caused it... I was angry at first, because after a cat scan, they found a little black dot at the base of his brain... And like most normal people I thought the worse, cancer, brain tumor, God was punishing me and going to take my husband away. A husband I had waited a long time for, that was a gift from God. I began to pray, and pray harder than I ever had, and now as I look back, I guess I was being tested. I'm not really sure if I failed or passed at this moment, but things have turned around, not without trials or struggle mind you.
As Christmas approached and our money became really stretched, I became angry and sad that I cannot buy gifts for anyone this year, not even my daughter, parents, inlaws, or my husband. I'm making some small things, but not enough to go around for everyone, and in my heart I fear that some will not appreciate or want what we have made. In the middle of the night, I awoke to a scene in my dream of the Christmas show, The Little Drummer Boy. I just sat and listened to that song sung by Josh Groban, and silently the tears rolled down my face. I have no gifts for my king, but my faith and belief that He will take care of us. I have no gifts but to pray and leave my burdens and the heaviness of my heart to Him. I have no gifts but my love for Him who died so that I might have eternal life. I have no gifts but to pray for health, wealth, and happiness for my family, friends and loved ones. Jesus is the reason for this season, not the gifts we give to each other, or the money that is spent. I thanks Jesus for the opportunity to be a live and to be with my family, both sides, and enjoy the fellowship with my new brothers and sisters at our church, and to feel loved by my family. I pray that you will take a moment and thank God for all that you have and to remember that He answers our prayers and sometimes, we may not understand, but God does and that is all that matters. God is in control, let Him take the wheel. God Bless you all, and May 2010 be a year of spiritually growth for us all. Merry Christmas and Have a Happy New Year. L
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