Road to Recovery - Self Inventory - July 19, 2010

Today I had set aside to do my self inventory for recovery.  I went to the bedroom, lay down on the bed with pen and paper.  I stared at a blank sheet of paper until I fell asleep.  Even though the book tells you how and what to do, it is a lot harder than I had anticipated. 

It says to go back as far as you can remember and to start there.  Some of my memories I'm not sure are memories, but maybe they were dreams.  The earliest hurt I can remember was when I was 14.  It kind of ruin my summer and my teenager perspective.

Although I will share my road to recovery, I won't be sharing my self inventory, just the steps and the how I'm doing trying to finish and accomplish it.  I do know this, and it was an "a-ha" moment this weekend.  What I know is this, that until I complete my recovery, I cannot move on with what God has in store for me and my husband.  I have given control of my life to God.  Everyday, I pray for God to show me where and what I need to be.  Now I know there are some that will say that I don't need to do that everyday, but I do, because of recovery, I'm learning to live one day at a time, and for me to do that, I have to hand to God everyday. 

I want to live my life for God, using my God given talent.  I'm not sure exactly where that will be or what exactly He will give me to do, but I do know this, that I'm ready or will be soon.  I'm not talking about going into the foreign mission fields or anything like that, but maybe it is just that I need to be there for someone to talk to, but whatever it is that He wants me to do, my life is His. 

My husband and I both have put God first in our lives.  My husband is second in mine as I am second in his.  Our families are next, then our jobs.  We just discussed this in Sunday School along with Spiritual gifts. 

On a side note, they lady I asked to be my sponsor has accepted on a trial basis.  I'm getting her a copy of the 8 principles and the 12 steps comparison.  I have it ready to take to her in the morning. 

I'm going to continue to persevere and I will make it through this part.  I just need to get started and I'm sure the rest will flow. 

Principle 4:  Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.

"Happy are the pure in heart."  Matthew 5:8

Step 4:  We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord."  Lamentations 3:40.

May you have a God Filled Day!

L

On the Road - July 16, 2010

My journey down the road to recovery is very emotional.  In a post or so back I talked about getting a sponsor. After some major praying and a talk with the Associate pastor, I asked a lady at church.  I gave her the responsibilities and she said she felt unqualified.  I told her not to worry and just to pray about it.  I told her if she decide against, that was fine and I would understand. 

I have continued to work the book and I'm on principle 4/step 4 - Self Inventory.  I've done all I can do now until I take inventory.  I have a form, and since I have arrived at this step, my sleep has become even more erratic.  I sleep 5 or 10 minutes, jerk awake because of a dream and then lay awake for 10 or 15 minutes and the ritual starts all over. 

This is very important that I finish this.  I will not let Satan win and cause me to turn away.  I feel like I have accomplish much already and know that once this is done, I will be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness from those I've wronged.  Remember Jesus is the only one that ever forgets.  We as sinners or saved sinners, remember.  It is a way that keeps us on the straight and narrow, because if we remember the pain, then we won't go down that road again.  Now I know there are some that will disagree with that statement and that is your option.  It is however, the way I believe, and it is what is taught in Recovery. 

I'm sure that before it is all said and done, I will experience more pain, sadness, and tears, but I will also experience happiness, love and joy remembering the good things.  I have a major support team so I know that I will succeed, and then maybe I can be there to help someone else make that same journey or a similar journey down the road to recovery.  Right now, I just try to live One day at a time, and with my Savior's help, I'm succeeding.  God Bless!

Man, Satan, or Jesus Christ

Who is your higher power?  If you have been to an AA meeting, or NA meeting or have participated in a recovery group, you know that they talk about finding your higher power.  I am part of a biblical based recovery group that is based on the eight beatitudes and follows the normal 12 step program using eight principles.  So as far as a higher power goes from a Christian stand point, because I am a believer, here are your choices for that higher power.  One, you can continue along the road of destruction and follow man and the things of this world, and you will continue to do the things that cover up the pain, instead of succeeding at recovery.  Two, you can follow Satan.  He is a higher power and there are a lot of people, occults that follow him.  If he is your choice and you follow him, he will lead you down the road to hell and to burn for eternity.  The third choice is Jesus Christ, the ultimate higher power.  He is the power I have chosen.  I actually chose Him as my higher power when I was twelve, but like Peter, I lost faith because of the things that happened in my life and so I started down a path that I thought was where I needed to be.  I thought God had left me.  That was not true, God will never leave you.  You can turn your back on Him and do all manner of things, but He will be waiting for you with open arms, a forgiving heart, when you return.

It is hard to know some times what causes us to take our eyes off of the true and only living God.  That is where recovery comes in.  It is about getting our faith back or accepting Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives.  Giving God control, giving Him our burdens, asking for Him to heal us, and seeking forgiveness or giving forgiveness to others.  I am only on the fourth principle and I still have a long journey to travel, but God will be there every step of the way.  Why do I know that?  Because He never left. 

Have a God Filled Day, ask Jesus Christ to be your higher power and live in your heart.