Road to Recovery - Self Inventory - July 19, 2010

Today I had set aside to do my self inventory for recovery.  I went to the bedroom, lay down on the bed with pen and paper.  I stared at a blank sheet of paper until I fell asleep.  Even though the book tells you how and what to do, it is a lot harder than I had anticipated. 

It says to go back as far as you can remember and to start there.  Some of my memories I'm not sure are memories, but maybe they were dreams.  The earliest hurt I can remember was when I was 14.  It kind of ruin my summer and my teenager perspective.

Although I will share my road to recovery, I won't be sharing my self inventory, just the steps and the how I'm doing trying to finish and accomplish it.  I do know this, and it was an "a-ha" moment this weekend.  What I know is this, that until I complete my recovery, I cannot move on with what God has in store for me and my husband.  I have given control of my life to God.  Everyday, I pray for God to show me where and what I need to be.  Now I know there are some that will say that I don't need to do that everyday, but I do, because of recovery, I'm learning to live one day at a time, and for me to do that, I have to hand to God everyday. 

I want to live my life for God, using my God given talent.  I'm not sure exactly where that will be or what exactly He will give me to do, but I do know this, that I'm ready or will be soon.  I'm not talking about going into the foreign mission fields or anything like that, but maybe it is just that I need to be there for someone to talk to, but whatever it is that He wants me to do, my life is His. 

My husband and I both have put God first in our lives.  My husband is second in mine as I am second in his.  Our families are next, then our jobs.  We just discussed this in Sunday School along with Spiritual gifts. 

On a side note, they lady I asked to be my sponsor has accepted on a trial basis.  I'm getting her a copy of the 8 principles and the 12 steps comparison.  I have it ready to take to her in the morning. 

I'm going to continue to persevere and I will make it through this part.  I just need to get started and I'm sure the rest will flow. 

Principle 4:  Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust.

"Happy are the pure in heart."  Matthew 5:8

Step 4:  We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord."  Lamentations 3:40.

May you have a God Filled Day!

L