Okay, All I can say is WOW!!!! Sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in and for you to have one of those Ah Ha moments in your life, but I recently had one of those.... Like Saturday night... and it was all because I tried to do something before God was ready for me to do it. The end of the week was really horrendous, but I tried really hard not to dwell on a couple of things that happened and I did okay. I've been praying for weeks now, giving God control of my life every morning, asking for strength and energy to face each day, one day at a time, and I've also prayed giving Him my life to use as He sees fit, in whatever His will might be. I've had really really good days, and weeks. My relationship and walk with God has grown immensely. It seems I learn something new each and every day. I can't soak up enough of God's word, and I find myself reading more and more... I'm actually reading a book on Basic Theology now as well and for those of you who don't know, I've been attending recovery and working through some participant's guide.
Today I finished the second guide, but yesterday afternoon, I was finally able to sit down and finish my self-inventory of my past, my hurts, hangups, habits and addictive compulsive behavior. It is very exhausting when you take an inventory of your life... although mine may not be as bad as some or as good as others, it was bad for me. Every one's life is different, and as discussed in the last meeting there is a wide road or the straight and narrow path that you can choose. A lot of us at some point in our life, travel that wide road and it takes a lot for us to get back on the straight and narrow. My husband has been wonderful through this journey with me. He attends meetings when he can, but he is always there to answer a bible question or help me find scripture or just to listen and hold me when I cry. There have been days when I couldn't have made it without him and I definitely could make it without GOD!.
So here's my revelation that I want to share. After completing my inventory, I realized that there are going to be people who don't know that they have hurt me or know that they have hurt me but don't care, even though they proclaim to be Christian and then there are going to be those that even though I approach them to ask for forgiveness or to forgive them, they are going to turn their backs or laugh in my face and I'm okay with that, because at that point I have done all I can do. I've forgiven myself and Jesus has forgiven me. From that point forward it is between them and God.
I still have to complete my journey down my road to recovery and I know that I am well on my way to the end as well as on my way to a deeper relationship with my Jesus. I'm hope to complete my guides soon, but even then, I will probably not stop going to meetings. I love being around people who accept you for who you are, don't expect anything, and are always happy to see you no matter what. I've made several friends, and lots of acquaintances and will probably have more before it is all said and done. I'm starting to trust people again, but it is still fragile, but I know God is there and I can trust Him to take care of me and help me to triumph.
Here is some more testimony that I know I'm on the right track. Last night we were not having regular church service. We had a concert by Harmony Quartet. I didn't really want to go. My leg had been hurting since Saturday and after the morning service it kept kind of going out so to speak. I would be able to stand for two or three minutes but then it would be okay. Anyway, I told Norman that I really didn't want to go. All he said was that you will miss a blessing. So being a dutiful wife, I got up and dressed to come back to church, and I'm glad I did. It was an Ah ha moment for sure. The group was awesome! Wonderful voices, singing some old hymns, song they had written and then the bass player sang a song. It was at that moment, that God said, "This is for you. Listen closely my child." I get goosebumps or Godbumps as my sister calls them, thinking about it now. The name of the song is, "Grace one more time." It talks about walking down the road one day and sin was in the way and instead of going around, it couldn't be avoided. It says as I cried and tears streamed down, I felt the warm hand of my savior and as he held my face and wiped my tears away, he said I am with you my child, now go and please me, and He gave me grace one more time.
GOD is always there to pick us up when we needed to be held. There to carry us when can no longer go on. I know that without a doubt He has big plans for me. My husband says that right now, we are being called to service at Emory Baptist. He is right. I know that we are suppose to be there, not exactly what for yet, but God will reveal in His time. I hope this blog gives others hope and shows that no matter what God's grace is sufficient and it doesn't matter what you have done; He will forgive you. If you are not one of God's children, I pray that you will ask Him into your heart, and that you will see the light of His grace and the love of serving Him. May you have a God Filled Day. Love, L
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