A Day To Reflect

Over the last couple of days, worrying has me too stressed out.  So this morning, at six, when the alarm went off, I was basically awake.  I had been up and down all night, too much water right before bed time.  However, as I laid there awake, life seemed to ease up some.  Today has been a day to re-think, re-form, and re-do things in my life.  Kind of like a make over.  I stopped and thought about where I want to be in the next 3 to 5 years.  Norman will be 60 on his birthday, and I don't want him to have to work until he is 80, 75, 70 or even 65, unless that is what he wants to do.  I don't want us to have to rob Peter to pay Paul, so to speak. 

So this morning, I cried out to God and asked Him to hear my pleas.  God always hears us, even when we don't see His answer right away.  I know now more than ever, than going back to school for my degree was the right choice.  Have we had to make some decisions that were difficult?  Yes, and we do every day as we re-evaluate where we are headed and what we want and what really matters. 

I read devotionals and people's post about letting our light shine so that others can see Christ in us.  I don't know that I always do that, I try, but I'm sure I fall short.  We live a pretty clean life.  Is it totally clean and do we stay totally aware from the conformity of the world we live in?  No.  Can we?  It is a struggle each and every day that we and all Christians live to not be pulled into the world.  Does everyone that accepts God go out to reach those that are lost?  Do new Chrisitans really understand what it means to be a Christian?  I don't know.  I know that I didn't. 

As a Christian we are suppose to help others that are lost or have turned away from God, to find the way home.  I don't know that I have ever done that, but I hope that with my blog posts, and the friendships I have, that I do impact someone's life every once and awhile.  I don't read my bible as I should.  I'm sure I don't pray often enough, but how often is enough.  We could pray every day all day long, and it still probably wouldn't be enough. 

I shared today how I'm an emotional eater, and the person I shared it with, is a pastor's wife, who struggles with that as well.  She is a blogger and someone I look up to for her walk with God, and how she tries to do what Christ wants all the time.  I wish sometimes I was more like her. 

So as a day of reflection, I'm going to turn more to God instead of food when I feel lost, stressed or void of human emotion.  There are days when I don't feel or what I feel is un-named.  Anyway, so today is a day I start again and try to be the best I can be for the Lord, for my husband, and my family.  That is all I can do and I just have to recognize that is the solution, not the problem. 

May you all have a blessed and glorious day!  I am, and will continue to do so!  Satan cannot steal me from God.  He can tempt me, but I have to be stronger and realize that God is there with me and all I have to do is ask. 

Love, L

Two Volumes In Your Life?

Tonight's sermon was very good.  One thing that really hit tonight was the pastor stated that everyone should have two volumes or be two volumes in a book.  First volume, your life before you knew Christ.  Second volume, your life after becoming a Christian.  I've thought about that a lot since he said it.  I love Brother Joe and his sermons.  Sometimes it might take a day or two for it to sink in, but when it does, I usually come up with other questions.  Tonight is the first time I've been to service in about three or four weeks.  Too much life in the way, and I know that is no reason to miss, but pain killers that knock you out and pain you can't deal with is. 

Back to the two volume set.  I'm not sure my first volume would be very big.  I was about 11 or 12 when I first asked Jesus to live in my heart.  At 14 things happened that sent me far away from God, and I never really made it back until the last three years.  Oh don't get me wrong, there were years or times that I never missed, but it didn't change the things I was doing, or saying or the way I was living.  In the last five, I have attended church more than in my whole life. 

I guess my question is this...If volume one is my life before Christ and volume two is my life after Christ, what do I call the section in between?  It is the past and for the most part I can leave it there, but occasionally, the devil likes to trip me up and throw something in my head, that makes me think what if.  Does he win?  Not very often, does he make me have regrets, fears and worries?  Absolutely. 

So when you look at your life, do you have two volumes?  Is there a section in between that you aren't sure what to call?  Do you only have one volume?  If you only have one volume, my prayer to you is this, that you meet someone you can show you how to have someone love you unconditionally for the rest of your life.  My prayer is that you meet Jesus Christ, accept Him as your savior, and start living, instead of dying in a lost world. 

I hope that who ever reads this will share it with others.  I do try to live my life for Christ, but self does get in the way.  I try to be good, real, and honest.  I don't like fake people or those that pretend around you.  I fight be judgmental constantly, I think part of that comes back to a trust factor. 

Search your heart, search your soul.  Where is your path headed?  Do you have fire insurance?

Love, L

Faith

As a Christian, I often question the depth of my faith.  I have weeks where I constantly have the Bible open or I'm reading something on line about religion or Christianity, and then there are the other weeks.  What happens on those weeks?  Well I read a daily devotional, on work days I listen to christian music, and mini sermons, and other than on Sunday, I may not even open my bible.  So does that mean I don't have faith?  Or does that just mean that I'm not a committed Christian. 

Faith to me means believing in God's word, and relying on the promises of God.  Faith means being thankful to Him, turning to Him not only in times when we need Him, but every day.  I talk to God all the time.  I'm always asking Him questions, or making statements to Him.  So does that mean I have lots of faith?

Being a good Christian is attending church, worshipping God, praying, reading His word, helping others, bringing others to know Jesus, and having a constant walk with God, right?  Some times these questions haunt me.  I am intrigued by those people who know that no matter what all will be okay.  They constantly walk around telling you everything is good, and that God will provide for your needs, you just have to have faith. 

So here's the big question, if God doesn't provide for my, our needs, does that mean we don't have enough faith?  I know for a fact that right now, our needs are overwhelming, and I've laid it all out and prayed.  I'm not asking God to prove Himself.  I believe in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  I believe in the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  I believe that the bible is the Word of God, and that Jesus was the Word made man. 

As Christians when we are in dire needs or dire straits as I've heard it said, and we don't receive answers to our prayers, what does that say about us?  I know that God answers all prayers and that it is just not always the answer we are wanting, but when it is to be able to survive, what exactly does that mean.

L

The Calmness

Even though I haven't been sleeping well, my whole being is filled with this calmness I can't explain.  My dreams of late have been surreal and I jerk awake in the blink of an eye.  I never have a full scene in my dream.  Some how though I know that God is about to reveal something to me, us, my family something.  It is this very uncanny feeling I have that something is about to happen, not bad, something good. 

God is working and moving in our lives.  He does provide even when we don't realize it to start.  My work week or weeks will be short by 1.5 to 2 hours this pay period because of Christmas Eve and the office or church being closed.  To show that God does provide, I received an order for dog treats yesterday and it will be double the amount I would make for those 2 hours. 

Deep in my heart, I know that the move we are planning is the right thing to do.  Norman can work on the ranch or work off the ranch, whatever he prefers.  I will work on the ranch and go to school.  It is out in the country.  We will have room for Sioux to run and if I want a couple of beagles, I will be able to do that as well.  God is providing for everything except our personal bills.  There won't be housing or utility costs and we don't have to leave the place if that is our desire.

I know that God is guiding us.  Yesterday while I was cleaning, I saw the bible verse, "Be still and know that I am God."  I know without a doubt it is Him talking to me.  Don't get me wrong we are a little scared about moving, but staying here, in East Texas we will continue to struggle to survive and make a living. 

I picked up my journal this morning for the first time in 14 days.  I thought about that, and I guess it is because I am at peace and don't need to write my feelings down.  I've been praying, actually I'm not sure I ever totally stop.  I talk to God off and on all day.  He has done wonders in my life, our life, and it just keeps getting better. 

Do you have a relationship with God?  If not, do you need to know how to get one?  If you are a child of God, you should have a relationship with Him.  I'm not talking about going to church and filling a pew.  I'm talking about believing in Jesus, that He died for our sins, and rose again, and that He sits on the right hand of the Father.  I'm talking about believing that He was born of a virgin.  He is the son of God.  He is the word made man.  You have to study His word, believe what He tells us, and pray.  He will take care of your needs. 

May you all know God personally.  May you all have a God Filled Day!  May You receive blessings upon blessings!

Merry Christmas!

Love, L

While I Clean The Church

Most of the days that I clean at the church I wear my ipod and listen to music.  I have to admit when I first started cleaning, I mostly had country and some rock on there, but now it is a big mixture.  I have an Eric Clapton song, a bunch of country, some Robert Palmer and a lot of Christian music.  I don't see anything wrong with the music I listen to while I am cleaning.  There's nothing about getting drunk or doing anything illegal.  Most of the country and western is about the love of your life, and how you feel about each other.  Some of the other songs are about living in the country and just enjoying life. 

I sing out loud while I am cleaning.  If someone comes in, I stop singing and just listening.  When I'm cleaning it is my time to reflect on my life, on God, and what changes are coming in the future.  I find myself thinking and talking to God a lot while I am cleaning.  Sometimes, I will pause the music and forget and I just like to feel the peace and serenity that fills the auditorium or some of the other buildings. 

However, there is one of the buildings that is kind of creepy, well maybe not creepy, but it makes a lot of noises while I am in there cleaning.  It is the very old Sunday school building.  Today, I kept hearing the door chime from the alarm go off like someone was coming in and out, but the door never opened or closed.  Anyway, it is probably just my mind playing games with me. 

But it is usually very relaxing while I am working.  I know I will miss the church when I find a full time job, but I'm sure they will find someone to take my place if they need it filled.  I love the people at church and all though I don't quite feel the same thing I did a few months ago, I know that God is there.  Some Sundays and other days, His presence is much more noticeable than other times, but He is always with me where ever I go. 

Remember this is the season of our Savior's birth.  Rejoice and don't be afraid to wish everyone you meet a Merry Christmas!  Jesus loves you!  He will never forsake you, no matter what you do.  You can Trust the Lord with all things!  He will provide all that you need!

God Bless You all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Love, L

Thankful For Thorns

I received an email from my mother in law this morning called simply, "Thorns."  It was a forwarded email, there was no author, no signature and it is not one I have seen before.  It has a lot of meaning, but have the Kleenex close by.  I'm posting it for whoever.... Read the words carefully...

THORNS


Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind. Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then, in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss.



Troubles had multiplied.



Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. What's worse, Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder "Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended me? For an airbag that saved my life, but took my child's?"



"Good afternoon, can I help you?"



Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk. "I . . . I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.



"For Thanksgiving? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories, " she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"



"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."



Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."



Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer...



"Hi, Barbara, let me get your order." She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly s nipped: there were no flowers.



"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk.. Sandra watched - was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.



"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said, as she gently tapped her chest.



Sandra stammered, "Ah, that lady just left with . . . uh . . . she left with no flowers!"



"That's right," said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet. Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery. That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel."



"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.



"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I never questioned Him why those good things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, 'Why? Why me?!' It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life, but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."



Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about what her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."



Just then someone else walked in the shop.



"Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man.



"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement . . twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.



"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"



"Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced," Phil replied. "After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem, the Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems.. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us."



As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"



"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life" Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too . . fresh."



"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember that it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love....Don't resent the thorns."



Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.



"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."



"Thank you. What do I owe you?"



"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart...The first year's arrangement is always on me."



The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."



It read: "My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."



Praise Him for the roses; thank Him for the thorns.



God Bless all of you. Be thankful for all that the Lord does for you.



"Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God."



We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and Duct tape.



God did it with nails.

Things I know For Sure

There are some things I know for certain and they are the following:

I know that the Bible is God's Word and it doesn't contradict itself and all of it is important, not just what we choose to believe and follow.

I know that Jesus was the Word made man, and that it is a living word.

I know that Jesus died for my sins and rose again and that He sits at the right hand of God.

I know that God answers our prayers in His time, not ours, and by His will not ours. 

I know that God never leaves our side.  So if you are a child of God and doing things you shouldn't do, God is there with you watching, and you should feel guilty and convicted of your sins. 

I also know that God forgives us, even when we are a Child of God and do things we shouldn't, but you need to get on your knees and ask for that forgiveness. 

I know that God puts people in our path at the right time and when we need them the most. 

I know that without a doubt, God brought my husband, Norman and I together, otherwise we would never have met. 

I know that God has a plan for us.

I know that God will take care of us, no matter what.

I know that God loves me more than I will ever be able to understand. 

I know that that my place in heaven is secure and that one day I will see everyone that I love, and that has died, again. 

I know that He sees what is in my heart, and He knows what I need and want. 

I know that if He comes back for me tomorrow, that I am ready.  Are you?

John 3:16 (King James Version)


16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Is God First?

As I sat this morning reading my bible and praying and talking with God, this question came into my mind, "Am I putting God first in all of my life?"  As I prayed I asked for guidance and wisdom and the strength to live each day, one day at a time.  I do that every time I pray because I am human, and  I worry about things that I shouldn't.  We as Christians should have faith in God to take care of us, and trust Him to take care of our needs, and not worry or rely solely on ourselves to handle our problems.  We are instruct to give our burdens to Jesus, to live them at the cross and to follow Him.  I try to do that every day, and it is hard.  We want to fix things ourselves and honestly we as humans are not capable. 

We forget that God is always with us, during the bad and during the good.  So why is it we only pray the hardest when things are bad?  Because when things are good we think we are doing that and therefore we don't think we need Jesus. 

That is incorrect of course.  We need Jesus all the time and when things are going right, that means He is there handling things, because let's face it, when we try to take care of things on our own, we mess them up and most of the time cause more issues.  When things are right we should be thanking Him above all else and praising Him for what He is doing.  It is from the wisdom and knowledge that Jesus gives us that we do what is right.  Is is an easy life to trust fully in Jesus?  To have faith that He will answer our needs?  No it is not easy and when we do start to rely solely on Him, Satan is going to make our lives harder and throw obstacles upon obstacles in our way. 

Don't give up.  For He that is within us is more powerful than he that is in the World.  I read that verse in the bible this morning, but don't ask me where.  I read about six chapters this morning and I realized a lot when I was reading.  What might you ask?

1) I am not good at reading my bible daily.  Actually I suck at it.  So as of today, that is a new priority.
2) I do pray almost every day, but lately have been lax.  So as of today, that too is a priority.
3) Do I put God first?  Well I try to most of the time.  But what I realized today, is that I have been praying for Him to help me to use my writing to make an income, but I am not doing my part.  So as of today, until I get my website to where I want it to be, and my writing income where I want it to be, no more playing on Face book. 
4) I know the two great commandments, but do I obey them all the time.  I guess the honest answer to that would be no.  Although I am going through recovery for a lot of things, alcohol being the least of those, I still have issues.  I do hold grudges, and I have been judgemental and those are things I struggle with constantly.
So as of today, I am going to try to be totally honest with myself and I am going to strive to be a better Christian and obey the two great commandments.  Will I succeed?  Only time will tell and as I grow in my walk with Jesus, I hope to succeed without stumbling.  However, I do know that when I do stumble, I can go to God, and He will pick me up, wipe the dirt from my knees and love me anyway.  He will never forsake me or leave me.

I hope that some how in my blog post that I reach the hearts of other Christians, and maybe those that are lost.  Christians struggle every day to live for Christ.  It is not an easy walk, and no one ever said it was going to be.  May all who read this be truly blessed by God, Seek Him in your life, and place Him before anything and everyone else.  My Jesus is first!  My husband comes second!.  Love, L.

Trust and Faith in God

I am not sure I can put this in terms that make sense to anyone other than me.  Sometimes I think God uses my dreams to send me messages (okay stop laughing).  When I dream I hear worship and praise songs in my dreams, I don't see people or hear people most of the time.  This happens more than not lately.  However, I still fight my demons in some of my dreams.

I've been trying to trust God more and rely strictly on Him for our needs, my needs and I try to build my faith in Him by reading His word, studying His word and praying daily if not more than once a day.  I know that God is working in our life and I know that He will provide what we need, when we needed, but is that the end?  Does God grant us or provide us with some of our dreams?  I've been listening to some CD's that talks about having faith in God and that your dreams or life goals will come to pass.  One of the scriptures that is quoted is Habakkuk 2:2-4 (Amplified Bible)

2And the Lord answered me and said, Write the vision and engrave it so plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may [be able to] read [it easily and quickly] as he hastens by.


3For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day.

4Look at the proud; his soul is not straight or right within him, but the [rigidly] just and the [uncompromisingly] righteous man shall [a]live by his faith and in his faithfulness.

So I took this to heart and wrote down 19 things that I want to see happen in my lifetime.  I have even put dates down.  One of the things I wrote down, did not come to pass and that is okay, because I am pretty sure that God will send me where I need to be.

In my dream last night it was almost like one of those secret agent movies.  I don't remember the worship/praise song that was running through my head, but it was quite plain in the dream that God was telling me to Trust Him and have unwavering Faith and that although I was being tested, things would come to pass.    In the dream, it was someone who was suppose to be me and may have been, and another agent.  The control person looked at me and said, "Push the blue button."  The button would set off a bomb and blow up the building.  The other half of my team was in the building.  It was a test of Faith.  I stood there but for a second, because the controller (God) said push the button.  I pushed the button, the building exploded and the rest of my team emerged unhurt. 

Okay I know you are rolling on the floor laughing but it was so real in the dream.  Was God talking to me?  Is He about to ask me to step out in Faith?  I don't know.  The question is can I do it.  I think so. 

So I know this post is kind of weird and no I don't need to be committed.  However, I wonder if and how God talks to other people.  I know He does or otherwise we wouldn't do the things we do.  Right? 

I hope you all don't think I'm crazy and if you do, so be it.  I know that God is leading me and my faith grows stronger everyday.  Recovery is teaching me to Trust and I am trying to Trust with all my heart.  God is there for me when no one else is....  remember that in your life as well.  Love, L.

Gossip

I have a question for everyone out there, and that is when is gossip not gossip?  The only time you can know what you are hearing is true, is when you hear it directly from the person themselves.  If you hear it from anyone else, technically it is gossip.  The only exception I know is if it is within your own family and you are hearing it from someone very close to the person that said it.  Even then I'm not sure it is not gossip. 

Gossip is something that none of us should ever take part in.  The person it is about or the people it is about are the ones that truly get hurt.  If someone starts to tell you something about someone and it is just here say, walk away, or say "Stop.  I don't want to hear it."  It's like walking up to a group and they are telling off color jokes, if you take part, you are sinning.  As Christians we need to take a more aggressive approach to people that spread gossip, dirty jokes or things they are not sure about, yet they are repeating it. 

If it is one of our brothers or sisters in Christ, we need to tell them that they are not acting right.  We should not spread stories or start rumors or repeat rumors.  We do more damage than you can ever imagine.  If you hear something about someone, as the person that has just stated it where they heard it from or walk away or go to the person it is about.  Sometimes it is just a misconstrued story or statement or maybe a remark that was made.  Gossip can do enough damage to a person that they may walk away from the church or something they truly enjoy. 

Another thing is this, if we are told something by someone we trust, and you are uncomfortable, ask them where they heard it or ask them if you can verify it with the person who made the statement.  It maybe that someone has been hurt by something you said or maybe they are trying to get back at you for something you did.  You may not even realize that you have hurt, or offended someone.  It is always better to go directly to the source of the remarks, statement or stories, then taking it at face value. 

We should be able to trust our sisters and brother in Christ and our friends and families, but there maybe those occasions when someone is mad at you or upset with you and may want revenge.  If that is the case, ask them to forgive you and you forgive them.  Your life will be much better in the long run.  Letting something that has been said continue to aggravate you or bother you, just festers and makes the situation even worse. 

God is full of grace, mercy, forgiveness and love and so should we.  We are to walk in the ways of the Lord, and try to be holy and Christ like.  Spreading gossip, unverified truths or stories is not walking in the way of the Lord.  Remember that they next time someone starts to share something with you.  May you be Blessed by the Grace of God.  To build your faith, you must be in the Word daily... constantly, without rest.  Love, L.

A Few Things

Recovery Meeting Last Night

I attended my recovery group meeting last night and it had been two weeks since I had last attended.  It was a good meeting, sharing and we are working on HOPE in our books.  We always open with a prayer and close with a prayer.  It wasn't as large a meeting last night as we have had before.  I usually love the meetings and it wasn't that I didn't love the meeting last night, but there was an awful lot of over talking last night.  We didn't even really get through the question we were working on in the book last night.  That is okay too!  I guess I was just needing more last night and I didn't get what I needed last night.  I know It's not all about me. 

I've not picked up my books for more than a month, until last night and we as a group are working on the first book.  I, as an individual, am working on the third book.  It may take me a long time to finish that book.  It deals with making amends, asking for forgiveness and confronting those that have hurt me.  This is a necessary step, but I'm not sure I can do it, and I know I definitely can't do it without Jesus Christ beside me. 

I still pray the prayers in the books about my hurts, hangups, habits and compulsive obsessive addictions.  I still pray for Jesus to take them, cure me, fix me and make me whole.  I love the joy in my heart, but my peace seems to be gone.  I prayed this morning for it to come back and be restored.  I know my Jesus will fix me, cure me and restore me.  My faith is such that I don't have to see to believe and I know He will fulfill my needs, desires and wants.  My God is Awesome, Strong, and He can set you free.  

We had revival this week with Dr. David Allen doing the services at night.  He gave us a powerful prayer to pray this week, and I will never stop.  I posted this under my status this morning on Facebook and will now share it here:  Jesus do anything in me that You need to do, in order to do everything through me You want to do.  Amen. 

Think about that sentence..  Then pray earnestly with a humble heart.  God will answer, but be prepared for the answer.  Love, L


People & Personalities

We as human beings, wear many different hats in our lives.  As a woman, I am a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, wife, daughter in law, cousin, and niece, but I also wear these hats, janitor, teacher, maid, bookkeeper, writer, student, landscaper, cook, trainer, laundress, friend, confidant, nurse, and I believe the list can go on forever.  The one title that is most important to me is Christian and Child of God. 

I realize that with each hat we wear, we can be a little different.  For the most part, I try to be the same person with all hats because the hat that I never take off is the one "Child of God."  Because of that hat, that is the person I want every one to see whether I am at church, praising God, at home, at the grocery store, cleaning, doing yard work or just living day to day.  I have a hard time understand why our personalities change because of what we are doing, or where we are working.  It doesn't make sense to me!  I know it happens, because when I was in Corporate America I was different than when I was at home.  But should we be?  Why is it necessary for us to be one person at church and another at home, or in the world?   

Any thoughts?  Comments?   Have a Blessed & God Filled Day!  Love, L.

October 11, 2010 - Monday Evening

It has been awhile since I've posted anything and to be honest, I'm not sure exactly what to write about tonight.  I am dealing with some things that are threatening my joy, and I'm praying for God to rid me of the issues or things or whatever you want to call it.  I've had many negative thoughts in the last month, and I have lost some of the joy I had, but know that all this is in God's hands.  I've been neglecting writing in my journal  and have let people and things get between God and me.  Today is only the second time in a two week period that I have started and completed my journal entry in a single sitting. 

I feel that God is closing a door and about to open up a new one.  I'm ready for that!  I want my peace back and I don't feel it or have it completely right now.  It is sad when a single tiny thing can disrupt your whole being like it has done.  I know I need to let it go and let God.  I've written in my journal, prayed and handed it to Him, only to pick it up again.  Why you ask?  Because I'm put back in front of it constantly. 

I have had an issue with "Trust" for many years.  It comes back from things in my past and even though I'm much better than I was, I still have issues with trusting and if I'm betrayed, I can't give the person a 100% of my loyalty because of the betrayal.  That probably doesn't make sense.  Anyway, I am making an effort to attend my recovery meeting this week.  I'm still sober, nothing to drink, but a piece of the old me did show up in the last few weeks.  I don't want that person back.  I'm not that person, and it makes my heart hurt, that I have let an incident bring up those old feelings. 

I will continue to pray and ask for God's guidance and wisdom to get me through all of this.  My sponsor is helping and I need to learn to call her when I need to talk.  May you all have a God Filled Day and be Blessed by God's grace and mercy.  Love, L.

Self Inventory Completed

I shared my self inventory this week with my sponsor.  It was very good and cleansing and she pointed out some things I've never thought about, which was good.  I am now ready to move on to the forgiving, making amends and confronting those that have hurt me in the past, or at least those that it won't hurt.  This step may take some while because the books say to wait until the timing is right.  I'm praying for Jesus to show me those times and to help me make these amends.

One thing else I discovered is this, I will overcome what I started recovery for in the first place which wasn't drugs, alcohol or and addiction like that, it was to deal with the hurts, hangups and habits from my past.  It was dealing with the feelings of betrayal by people I trusted, who turned me to not trusting.  Recovery is never ending.  You may succeed in overcoming some addiction or habit, but there will be things in your life that cause issues, but with recovery you have to the tools to overcome and it never gets to the point where you started recovery to begin with. 

The meetings are what gets you through.  Yes the books are essential, but sharing and knowing that there are other people that maybe experiencing what you are, is very helpful.  You are not judged on what you did, how you dress or what you say.  It is wonderful!  You walk in and are immediately welcomed and you can feel God moving and working. 

I know that God sent me there for a reason, and I will be to the point where I can help others through their journey soon.  May God Bless you all!  Have a God filled day!  I do every day!  Love, L

A step in my journey

As I travel down this road called  recovery a lot has been revealed to me.  I find that God is always with me and I can't soak up enough of His word.  I find myself searching scripture and reading everything I can get my hands on to learn as much as possible.  I love that God has so filled my soul and my life.  I feel the joy I had when I was twelve and first accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. 

In the last month, after writing my self inventory, I re-dedicated my life to the Lord.  I give control of my life every day to God and pray that He will use me in His service to do whatever He wants me to do, where ever He wants me to service, however He wants to use me and whenever He wants me to serve.  I received an answer to part of that this last week.  I will be teaching 3 year olds two days a week at the Church's Day school.  I love that I have a chance to impact these young lives.  I know that this is a step in preparing me to do more of the Lord's work.  I don't know what it will be, where it will be, or when it will be, but I know that I am His to use. 

With my re-dedication to Him, I feel so brand new, that I want all of me to be brand new.  Even on days when things my not be the best, the joy I feel deep inside is so fresh and wonderful, that I can't help but have a spring in my step, a song on my lips and my mind, and usually a smile or a grin on my face.   

So this week I told the Pastor that with my journey through recovery, and my re-dedication to my Lord, that I wanted to be baptized again.  He smiled at me and said, "You want to show Him you are serious huh?"  "Yes".  So Next Sunday, August the 29th, I will once again pushed beneath the cleansing flood or so the song says.  I will come up a new person on the outside to match the new person I am on the inside. 

Some of you may not understand this request, but the joy I feel knowing that the Lord is working with me and through me is indescribable!!!!!  I want everyone to see what God has done in my life, and what He is continuing to do on a daily basis.  If I can just help one person, see the mercy and grace of God and lead them to know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, then I know that one lost soul has been saved from the depths of hell, and will only know physical death and not eternal death. 

I hope others that read this blog will see that there is help and most of all there is hope out there.  God is there always and He can work miracles, even when you think there is no way.  Trust in Him.  Have Faith and Seek the Face of the Lord.

May you all have a God Filled Life.  I do now and my journey is just beginning.  Love, L

Staying Focused

I have been trying really hard to stay focused and keep my eyes on the Lord. It is very hard however. I'm human, and so as such we tend to pick up the burdens we give Him day after day. Lately, when my mind starts to wander and gets tangled up in life, I take a deep breath, step back, and say, "I need to trust that God will take care of us." It is helping and I'm getting better at it, but I've called in the prayer warriors at church to help me along the way. I love the ladies that attend the prayer time at church on Mondays! They are all so sweet, nice and encouraging. Mrs Glenda Rice, is so sweet! She lives across the street from me and I love her to death! It makes my day, when I get to visit with her and talk to her on Sundays!

God has made other appearances in our lives of late... Living across the street from church just in itself has impacted my life. I was asked to open the church Sunday morning a little before eight, and was happy to do it. As I walked through the empty halls and opened the doors and the buildings, there was an awesome, peaceful, calmness that filled my very soul. I walked into the auditorium and I wanted so much to see Jesus standing in the front of the room. I wanted Him to open His arms, and call me to Him. I feel Him around me more and more each day. I pray that He will send us to where He wants us to be and to do what He wants us to do. Each day, I wait for signs. I keep the house as quiet as possible, so I can hear Him, when He speaks. ( I know its not necessary).

He has improved the relationship between my husband and myself, by sending us back to church. We are both more thoughtful towards each other, more caring, more loving, and we need to be at the church. I've asked my husband to try to leave the job earlier so that we might also attend Wednesday night services. I need to be around people that are strong in belief, faith, and their relationship with God.

I have days when I just want to go sit in the auditorium, at the altar, and just listen. I know He is speaking to me. I know He has a special plan, or mission for me, for us. We are ready to do whatever He wants us to do. God, I'm ready.

Be Still My Heart - Listen and Pray

I've often been told that we have to stop and be still to hear God talking. Sometimes we are so caught up in our worries that we don't hear God. We only see the bad things that happen and forget the good things. We forget to thank God for each day we have on this earth. We forget to thank God for the sunshine or the rain. We forget to thank God for our sight, our hearing, our freedom to worship Him openly. We need to remember these things as well as we need to show non-believers and sometimes other Christians that with God all things are possible and that they just have to believe and accept Jesus Christ and they too can have eternal life. Because "Through Christ all things are possible." That verse is in 2 Corinthians but I'm unable to remember the verse at this time. We need to be thankful for all that we have from the food on our tables, to the clothes on our backs and the roofs over our heads. Remember to thank God for our health, and to pray for those that are ill or have diseases. Remember not to judge someone to quickly. You don't know what they are facing or what journey they are on, but ask God to bless them and to keep them safe. Remember God is always with us, and we are never alone. I often think of these words, and know them to be very true. "Where you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." May God Bless you all today. Love, L

My sisters

I am the middle child and there are just us three girls. To say that we have always gotten a long would be a bold faced lie and I try not to do that and always speak the truth. We all look fairly alike, but have very different personalities although we all try to be the boss. My older sister was the cheerleader, drill team, everyone loves person in school. She wasn't fat, and she always had a boyfriend. My little sister, is the small quiet genius and even at a young age, she had her bluff in on us. I like to write and have a very vivid imagination. I don't get along well with people and it takes a lot for me to trust someone, and heaven forbid you ever break that trust. I might still be polite, but that is probably as far as I will go even with someone I've known for a length of time. I hate people that betray others and then think they can just go back and start again. I may forgive you, but forgetting is another thing. Yes I know that is one of my faults. However, I digress. As sisters we were taught to play together, work together and share. We love each other and all though we differ on some of our beliefs, we have always tried to support each other. Both my sisters married in their teens. I didn't marry until I was upwards of 40. I love my sisters and they know that all they would have to do is ask and if I could, I would. I'm having a difficult time right now, but my sisters without knowing it, sent me emails today and are my inspiration. So I thought I would share: From my older sister I receive this:

Psalm 46:10 'Be Still and Know that I AM GOD'

From my little sister I received an email about a daughter and her father and they were driving through a storm, she wanted to pull over and her father told her to get driving. Here is the inspiration:

Now the storm was terrible but she never stopped driving and soon she could see a little clearer.
After a couple of miles she was on dry land and the sun was out.
Her father said: "Now, pull over and step out!"
She said "But Why now?"
He said "get out look back at all the people that gave up and are still in the storm".
You never gave up and now your storm is over.
I thought this was a testimony for anyone of you that is going through something. Just because everyone else, even the ones that appear to be the largest and strongest gives up, you don't have to . . . because if you keep going, on up ahead, your storm will soon be over and the sun will shine upon your face again.
God bless you as you keep trusting in Him to direct your steps ~

So this blog is dedicated to them... Sissy and Brat... I love you both... May God Grant you all your blessings and hopes in 2010... Love, L