It is just after nine o'clock at night and I had to write about my recovery group meeting tonight. It was such a struggle for me to even go tonight. I had to push myself out the door and across the street, but it was all worth it. The group leader met me at the door and I got a nice big hug and immediately started to cry. It has been such a battle over the last few weeks which I understand is pretty normal working through the first book, but I've been told that the next book will be an even bigger struggle. I don't care. God is with me, He never left. I was the one that lost faith and sank. Jesus reached into the water and pulled me up recently. I'm swimming again. That is the message of our group, "Sink or Swim". I've chosen to swim.
I know the next steps are a self-inventory. I must also find a sponsor and or an accountability person. I'm praying that God will lead me to that person or people. A few people have suggested I find an AA meeting to attend or get the book as well or the NA group and the book. I don't want to be overwhelmed with reading. Some days it is all I can do just to get through the day, must less read more than just my recovery books. I may look up the AA meeting here in town and see about it.
Next week we are going to meet as a big group again. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that, but I know that God will see me through. I have such joy in my heart tonight, and I'm pretty sure there is a smile on my face.
So for those that are reading here is who I am: I'm a drug addict, a drunk, I have compulsive obsessive disorder and I'm a compulsive overeater. I molested at the age of 14 by someone I trusted. These are a few of the reasons I'm attending recovery. Now I could have said "I was in a bad place. But now I'm here." That doesn't tell anyone my story, and as I take the self inventory over the next few weeks, I will share more of my story. God will tell me what I should share and what I shouldn't, but I'm not ashamed of who I was, because now more than anything, I know that I am a child of God, and He never left me. I just took my eyes off of Him. Now with His help, my hurts, habits, hangups and addictive compulsive behavior will be taken care of. He has control over my life, not me. He is my higher power, not Satan, not man. God is my teacher and the Lord of my salvation. I wait for Him every day. May you all have a God filled night and a Blessed day tomorrow.
Psalm 25:5 (King James Version)
5Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
I have been clean for 23 years, 130 days and sober for 189 days.
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